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Friday, January 4, 2008

Braden

I was going to post yesterday but I couldn't work let alone concentrate on this. One year ago yesterday my baby boy left me for Heaven. Braden Michael Skaggs was born 1/3/07 weighing 7lbs 4 oz, he had red hair and his dad's mouth. He was beautiful! So last night my family through a birthday party for us. They brought cake and games and a poem my Grandma had written for him...it's wonderful. My family is so good to me. They cried with me and for me and they didn't push me to be ok but allowed me to just be sad! It's hard to find time to just be sad any more. From the beginning we've tried to be very honest with Lane and Ethan, that we weren't going to bring Braden home because he died and went to live in Heaven with God, we won't see him until we go to Heaven...all these answers that may be what they need to hear and may land them in some very expensive therapy...but since we started the adoption process we've been telling them that we'll have another baby but this baby won't grow in my tummy but in some other mommy's tummy, and we'll all love this new baby. Since we opted or a girl we tell them that they're going to have a sister and Lane was always very senistive about Braden but now Ethan will cry that he just wants his baby brother Braden back (say that 5 times fast) and that he doesn't want another baby...especially a girl baby. So we are trying to talk about it less, not that it makes it hurt less but maybe will bring it up less often...my boys are so sensitive to everything we feel that it's hard to show much emotion in front to them. The last time Ethan and I had this conversation he cried so hard and so long that he finally cried himself to sleep, and then when i accidentally woke him up he started crying again...poor guy...he isn't usually this sensitive to anything....

In happier news, we start our adoption classes this weekend! Yippee!! We'll be taking a 6 hour class (1 hour lunch) about an hour south so we'll have to be away from my boys for 9 hours, yuck! But it's really one of the last legs in the first part of the adoption. We should be adoption ready April 1st...I hope to have the nursery done by then! I bought the crib set and now can start to plan the nursery around that! YEAH! I want to do pink and white stripes on the walls with black pin stripes in between! I don't know though...

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