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Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Tell All Kind of Girl...

To my Grandma Sweets dismay my mom has always been a tell all kind of girl...making me a tell all kind of girl...my mom never kept anything from us. My brother and I knew everything! From the details of my Dad's divorce to the details of the abuse she endured during her first marriage...we knew it all. So without consulting this way of life with my husband I became a tell all with my children from a very early age. So when Braden died last year, they were too old to not tell but too young to understand everything. These past few months the boys have started wondering more and more about the death of their much coveted brother. They don't understand why the baby we adopt will not die when ours did. They never saw him, they saw pictures but they never saw him in flesh. So the other morning I was trying to explain to my sweet men that we can talk about Braden at our house and in our car, with us but please please please don't talk about this with your friends...I wasn't even out of the preschool before I could overhear Lane telling his best little confidant that we had a baby but he died...ok, I'm not frustrated, I'm just out of answers. Obviously I'm not saying what they need to hear...Lane talks about Braden a lot, he'll wake up talking about a dream he had where Braden came to him and told him he loves him and will see him in Heaven. Ethan cries...a lot, for Braden. He's not a cryer so a large portion of the tears he sheds are for baby Braden. So to therapy we go! I hope that this therapist who specializes in childrens greif will be able to say something to help them through this season of confusion. I think the boys finding the picture was bad. I would never hide anything from my children, but I do want to protect them from certain things in thier/our life...this is one of them. Braden was dead 2 days before I delivered him and so when he was born he was starting to decompose...sorry if graphic...he was beautiful but he isn't for all eyes...

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