Autobiography

HI, We’re Todd and Lynne
Todd Michael Skaggs was born November 16, 1978 in St. Louis MO to Dennis and Diana Skaggs and raised by Dennis and Judy (step-mom) outside a small town in Lynn, MO.
Lynne Cecile Clementz Skaggs was born March 21, 1982 in Lima, Ohio to Lou and Laura Clementz and raised outside of Spencerville, Ohio.
Todd and Lynne are both the youngest of large families; Todd has 7 half brothers and 2 step brothers while Lynne has one brother and 3 half sisters. Todd’s biological mother Diana has 5 other sons, Sean, Lee, Scott George and Pat, Todd has not had contact with this side of his family since he was 5 years old when his mother stopped visitations with him. However he has 4 other brothers who he was raised with. Michael DeLuca lives in Missouri with his family, Todd seldom hears from him other than an occasional e-mail. Mike, married to Wendy, battled a short bought with cancer before passing away in 2011. Patrick Skaggs, married to Cara lives in Missouri, and Todd is able to see him on the occasional trip to Missouri but they remain close through Facebook and phone calls. Pete DeLuca, married to Amanda, also lives in Missouri and much like Todd’s relationship with Patrick, they see each other on the occasional visit and through Facebook and phone calls. Lynne’s one brother Louis Clementz is married to Andrea, they currently live in Arizona and have limited contact with family. Amy lives in Pennsylvania with her current significant other but she hasn’t been in touch in 10 years or more. Heather Newport-Franks lives with her husband Tony, in Lima, Ohio but since taking on the role of care taker for her ailing mother (cancer), she too is no longer in contact with the family. Gina lives in Urbana, Ohio with her children , Gina and Lynne see each other as often as possible, holidays, special occasions and the off weekend when no one has sporting events (which isn’t often).
As a kid Todd’s parents were strict, often using hard labor and spankings, Todd’s parents’ strategies aren’t something he sees as effective or something he’d choose to use in his own home. As a kid, Lynne’s parents used a variety of techniques when disciplining, she was lucky to be #5 and have the advantage of learning from her siblings’ mistakes but the 2 forms of punishment they used most often were spankings and groundings but disappointment is what actually worked on her. She’s always wanted so badly to please her parents, when she failed to do that it really seemed to hit home.

June, 1996 Todd left his home in Lynn Missouri and moved with friends in St. Louis. During the summer of 98, Todd left his home for basic combat training with the United States Army, after completing his first round of training; he went back to Missouri to finish his senior year of high school. After high school graduation in 1999, Todd returned to the US Army and continued his 6 years of service. While Lynne also joined the United States Army between her junior and senior year in high school, she did not leave for basic training until after high school graduation in 2000. After training, she was stationed in Germany where she and Todd met.
No one often spoke of sex in Todd’s home growing up, which may have led to his early sexual maturity. Lynne being raised in a close knit community, a Christian home, she was sexually a late bloomer. Sex wasn’t often spoken of but there was an open invitation if she had any questions or concerns.
Todd graduated from Affton High School in 1999 and after 10 years, he returned to school at Findlay University studying high school education on target to graduate spring of 2013. Lynne graduated from high school in 2000 from Spencerville, and while she hasn’t gone back to college yet, she does plan to go back to school after Todd has graduated.
Before going back to college in 2009, Todd drove truck for 5 years; however driving truck is physically exhausting, and kept Todd from being as active in his family as he liked which led him to change directions and go back to school. Lynne worked at a bank for 3 years before landing a dream job as a veteran’s service officer for Auglaize County nearly 6 years ago; helping veterans apply and get the benefits they are entitled to through their service.
Todd and Lynne after sharing 10 significant years of their life together, identify many of the same major life events. They have both been changed forever by each other, by the birth of their children, the diagnosis of diabetes in one of their sons, and by the loss of their son Braden and Lynne’s father Lou. Todd and Lynne were both also shaped by their time in service and are still being shaped by their faith and religion.
Todd and Lynne have neither one been married previously, or even in a serious relationship before meeting one another and have no children outside of the three they have together.
While Todd and Lynne don’t suffer from fertility issues, they did lose a son in the 39th week of his pregnancy. While they still obviously grieve the loss of Braden, they have come so far, and made peace with his death, most days.
Todd and Lynne are both relatively healthy, however, Lynne had her thyroid removed in 2007 and will have her gall bladder out soon. She is currently taking Synthroid to keep her hormone levels in check. Neither has ever struggled with any addiction but Todd was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder shortly after returning from his deployment to Iraq. His PTSD is well managed through organization of the home, routine, remaining busy and through his religion. While we have very little medical history for Todd, we do know both families have a strong history of autoimmune diseases such as diabetes, epilepsy, MS, and celiac disease.
Neither Todd nor Lynne have ever committed any crime, and have stayed out of trouble.
Todd is active in the Ohio Military Reserve where he is currently a Staff Sergeant, and an instructor in the academy, training new troops as they come in. He also enjoys working on a project car bought from his mother-in-law shortly after his father-in-law passed away, as it was his project car. And while they don’t currently own horses, they have been a much loved hobby for Todd. Lynne’s hobbies are mostly wrapped up in her kids but recently started running, it’s something she does, just for herself, it allows her to reduce stress and feel better throughout the week. As a family, they enjoy football, baseball and traveling.
Lynne handles the majority of the finances in the home and has many financial goals, short term; she’d like to be debt free by the time Todd graduates Spring of 2013 (excluding their mortgage). She’d also like to avoid future debts, once debt free. As soon as they’re debt free, they’d like to begin building their retirement/college/future funds. Todd would like to teach in a physical class room and eventually coach baseball; Todd will also need to have a master’s degree in education. Lynne has landed her dream job, but would eventually like to move into the director’s position (10 years down the line), she’d also like to return to school to obtain a degree in social work. Both Todd and Lynne would like to see all their children be successful in whatever they choose to do, as long as they become productive members of society and reach their individual full potential, whatever that might be. They would also hope to set the example of giving back to the community, so that maybe their children would follow that path.

Philolsophy part 2

The ideal relationship between parent and child:

Much like the relationship between parents, if you take care of the big “stuff” the rest will fall into place. However, it can’t all be summed up in communication, love, respect and trust. While all of these are important, I think children need nurturing, education, and appropriate affection from their parents. Children can’t know they are loved just on instinct alone. They need parents to teach them not only that they are loved but also to love others as well as themselves. Our schools have taken on much more than academic knowledge. It is the job of parents to teach children about age appropriate relationships, sex, maintaining the home, personal hygiene, and independence. How to get and keep a job, social skills and proper nutrition are things children should be learning at home, not necessarily at school. Teaching our children about these activities will also open the door to having an open and honest relationship, allowing the child to look to the parents for answers, knowing they’ll not be snuffed out, ignored or steered wrong.

Oh How I Loathe Todd's Hobby

Yesterday I found a pile of clothing left on the recliner from Sunday afternoon when Todd changed clothes, 5 days it laid in my basement. Here is the conversation (via text) that followed:

Snarky: dear todd, i am not oblivious to the mess of BDUs in my basement. one would assume that if one was working to minimize confrontation regarding a much beloved hobby, one would not leave unsightly piles of CRAP in ones otherwise clean space. sincerely begrudged and disgruntled spouse

Todd: My dearest lynne i am sorry about the mess and will rectify said mess as soon as possible. Please forgive me as I have been consumed with other matters. Even though that is no excuse i will remedy the situation asap. your humble servant Todd

Unconvinced: My dear Todd, thought I am hesitant to lift my spirits regarding rectification of said situation, all is forgive *insert obligatory smiley face which leaves you wondering if I am angry or kidding"

Philosophy Part 1

The ideal relationship between parents:

Coming from two vastly different backgrounds/childhoods, Todd and I are very different people with our own ideas of how life should work. But what we do agree on is the type of relationship we strive for, work for; our ideal relationship. I could write a very detailed list of the things we’re looking for from each other but it can all be summed up in a few attributes. Mutual respect, love trust and communication. If we take care of these four things, everything else should fall into place. I believe most every situation, problem or hiccup can fall into these categories.

It also helps to have shared religious views as this is such a big aspect of a person’s life.

The Next county Agency required a 5 part philosophy on parenting sheet, this is the first part.

First Homevisit

Licensing Worker (LW) came out today at 10 am and left at 12 so she stayed about 2 hours. She asked a couple of questions, went over the over all process and gave us the things we'll need to get done. Although, going through this before, we're pretty well set on what we need to do and how the process works.
So she asked us why we want to be foster parents and for me it was easy. I've always known I'd want to be a foster parent. It wasn't as easy for Todd, he never considered it but after some prayer his heart was softened. We knew it was a good time in our life, financially, in our marriage and our children are all at a great place. Everyone is a good age.

She asked us about conflict in our home, and how it's resolved. We explained how my family is entwined so deeply in each others lives and that it's Todd's job to keep them at bay and remind me that I don't have to do as my family chooses. I CAN tell them no, or do what I know is right for my family. We explained how we handle conflict between the 2 of us (communication and compromise) which led her to ask how to came to have such good communication between us. We told her that both being military, we share a lot of the same ideals and a lot of the same parenting and life styles. we also explained to her that we married young and really matured together, finding what works for us and how to work together.

She went on to ask what our strengths are. I told LW that Todd's strength lie in his parenting, he's a great Dad that does the activities, the costumes (Halloween and school play), sports, walks, bike rides. and Todd said that mine are in the numbers, and being the nurturing one. We're a good team. And our weaknesses? Todd doesn't like change and noise. I don't like clutter and a chaotic home. I don't mind kids running and yelling as long as the house is clean.

Todd immediately told LW that he realized that his struggles with change may be problematic but that we have found our own way of working through those struggles, we know it takes a few minutes for him to process the change and that his struggles have helped us to help Lane Michael when he struggles with the same thing.

We talked for probably an hour and a half, walked her through the house, talked for another 15 minutes and set up our next appointment for early March. By then we'll need to have a financial statement, our physicals done, our philosophy of parenting and our autobiography. After that we'll have our finger printing done and our final homevisit with the kids present. Then as soon as our pre-certification classes are done, we're all set. Things are moving along.

Home Study Preparation

Our first homestudy is Tuesday. Having gone through this once before we kinda know what we need to do to make sure the place will pass the homevisit. Our current "to do" list includes:

replace the fire extinguisher

put protective plugs in all the outlets

change the batteries in the smoke detectors (though they're work well right now)

move the toys from the boys bedroom to the basement to open up their bedroom and give them a little space in there

I'm looking for any websites or other information that would help us get ready. I think we may need to get a locked medicine cabinet for our daily meds (especially since Ethan's are considered a "controlled substance"). So far I'm not having any luck but I think we're doing ok so far! We're also working on making sure we're on the same page as far as children we can/will accept, discipline, our marriage, our family goals, communication, etc.

Lane Michael has asked that this become a family tradition, that when we are too old to foster, we can hand our foster children down to him, and he can hand them down to his kids. I think he was a bit confused. I've since talked to him about the process and that these children are real children and will grow as he grows...I thought that would be common sense by now. Guess not.

Two and a Half Goals Met

I recently listed my financial goals here:

http://www.diabeteslossandadoption.blogspot.com/2011/12/cyclical-personality.html

and then later decided that we may be able to reach our goals faster if I went out of order a bit. So, I went ahead and put $2000 into savings (rainy day and emergency fund), paid off the ATV (which I had planned to do at the END of this year) and paid off our larger credit card ($3600) leaving us with only the smaller ($3000) credit card which I'd like to have paid off before Todd starts his fall quarter, allowing us to save up for Christmas, instead of using out of the savings account. I'm starting to see some light at the end of the tunnel!

And my official soapbox rant of the day: I will NEVER again go into debt for FUN! Never! Ever! Seriously! We've been paying a long time on an ATV that doesn't even live at our house and we don't even get good use out of! I'll never again spend years making payments on a non-essential! GAH!

ok, stepping down!