A Foster Thoughts Update

First of all, the packet came...you know, the packet that gets us started...it came the day after we called...I'm thinking they're either desperate, or on top of things...I hope this trend continues. It's a big packet that might take a bit of time to sort through but Nikki offered to pull our old license from Auglaize to see if she can carry over any info from that.

Second, family support. Or lack thereof. My Mom has always been really supportive of everything I do. So the other day I was sitting with her at lunch and told her I called Next County to get our license renewed, I told her I wasn't interested in her taking a strong neutral stand, and asked her opinion. She asked what we're planning to do with it. I was honest, and told her we don't actually know yet and that this all stemmed from Cousin 1 and Cousin 2 both having children (or being pregnant) and the possibility of them being taken into care. Both children should be removed for VERY different reasons...one has ruined one child and will ruin this child if given the opportunity. The other is living with someone known to be (convicted of) being inappropriate. She suddenly had to go back to work and was very cold shoulder for the next 20 minutes and since then. I'm sure she knows we're leaning heavily on being foster parents to children who do not belong to Cousin 1 and Cousin 2.

Which leads me to my third point. How do you explain to someone feeling "lead" to do something? How do you explain that tugging at your heart? That nagging feeling that has been there for a very very long time? Someone who may have never felt this....desire. I can't even put into words...and if I can't put it into words, how can I explain it? How can I help someone else understand that I don't feel I can ignore this any longer? And it feels right. I know God has my back...I know he's pushing me or leading me on this path. How do I justify having another child when there are so many already here. How can I ask others to make a difference when I'm not. How can I sit sit in my home surrounded by so much love and teach my children to love in big ways, to reach out to step out of the boat when I myself have not! This feels right, and feels like it's where I'm supposed to be headed...even if they don't support this for me....God does. I can't face God someday and when he asks "what about when I called you to the field, called you to be my feet, my tongue, my arms? You turned your back" all I'll have to say is "my Mommy didn't want me to. My friends gave sideways glances." Not. Good. Enough. God provided a husband who is willing to join me in this journey...no more excuses.