So Maybe Not

My neice called last night. First phone call from her in...months. Maybe more. When we're around she stays in her room so it was strange that I'd get a call. She and Alicia are having a commitment ceremony. I've never met Alicia. My Mom has never met Alicia. hm. I'm confused. I thought this might be a phase. I disagree with her decision and I'm not sure I can support a union that is against God. I just don't know....I guess if I knew Alicia or had seen them together and how happy they make each other...but I've never met her and Allie is never happy when I see her...I'm very confused by all of this. She says she's excited and happy. But who knows.

I found out more about the Urbana throw down. SIL was removed from the home, but is back and asking for help. Brother is allowing her to move home. I'm scared for him. I'm worried about her. I want them to be safe and I want them to be the couple that we see when we are there. Very sad.

My sister has a job interview in North Carolina this week. I have very mixed feelings about this...she is hoping that the money is worth the move...but she just took a job cut by about a third...she used to run 3 papers and now she runs 2....which is a huge pay cut...she's a single Mom so money is already probably tight compared to what they're used to. My family is going through one of the roughest periods we've seen. and we've seen some hard times together. I will pray.

Full Moon!

I don't know how much to tell about my full moon kind of weekend. It all started Friday night, we had Schwieterman family fun night...all was going well, kids were eating then Lane Michael asked to play the Wii, I told him maybe later but it would be up to Cool Aunt Becca. After him asking about 3 times, I told him not to ask again. He asked 2 more times, I told him the next time he asked I was calling his dad to come get him. He asked again. I got out my phone an called his Dad, just as I got out my phone my Mom said to him "Oh come on Lane Michael, lets go find something fun to do" and his head spun (I swear it was exorcist style). He screamed and yelled and ran out of the room where I kept him until his dad showed up, then he yelled at Todd the whole way home, and was asleep within minutes of being sent to his room! He needed sleep but he needed to not act that way! I don't know what I could have done differently and I think he may be very spoiled...this may be my fault. I'm very protective of Lane Michael and so it's hard for me when he acts like this...it's not him. But it's also not the diabetes...he's exhausted...but he can't act like this! I don't know what to do! I have tried lots of different coping mechanisms and he knows the behavior is bad and that he shouldn't act that way...he just doesn't know how to control it in the moment. Then 10 minutes later my aunt got a call that her FIL had passed away (he had cancer). So we did a quick clean up and packed up and headed home.
Saturday morning started off ok...we were working in the boys room (cleaning, rearranging, organizing) when my Mom called...something went down in Urbana and she had to go...I don't know the whole story but it sounds like things between my brother and sister in law may have gotten ugly and bad...she moved out...maybe temporarily, maybe permanently but who knows at this point...they have court today (Monday)....I will pray.
Then my aunt called my Mom...apparently my uncle died on April 14th...my cousin was in town when he died and no one invited them to the funeral...so my aunt two cousins and his only grand daughter didn't get to go to the funeral. They're so sad. It was their last chance at feeling reconciled. Their last chance at a peaceful good bye or final memory. And that was stolen from them. Very sad. Who does that to their sister? Who is that heartless? Death of a loved one brings out the worst in people.
Man what a weekend. But today is Monday and I insist people start acting like grown ups again!

Fighting for Ethan

In January Ethan had two appointments with a great Doctor to see what we could do to help him in school. Dr. Z diagnosed Ethan with Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD). It wasn't a surprise and it certainly wasn't a hard pill to swallow, we've always known Ethan was active and concentration was never his strong suit. We're ok with that, we don't mind his activity level and he's a very well behaved little boy (which is uncommon with ADD...most are too impulsive to be well behaved). But we weren't surprised or even disappointed with this diagnosis. The problem being, our insurance doesn't cover any appointment having to do with ADD! Seriously. So he got one month of meds and now...now we can get the meds but we can't get the script since we are self pay for this. Ugh. But yesterday at the parent teacher conference we sat down with his teacher Mrs E (we love her) and the school guidance counselor Mr S and talked about what we can be doing for Ethan. He meets all the standards to go on to first grade and is doing well in school! She said he's smart and it's not that he can't learn, it's that he can't focus long enough to learn the stuff! This is wonderful news! Now we just have to find a way to get him back on meds and he'll be all set! Yeah Ethan!

Sometimes it's the little things.

Yesterday was hard. I got an e-mail from my church letting us know that a friend had lost his sister and the family would need prayer...the sister was 51 years old and had fought a life long battle with Juvenile Diabetes. It said that her 25 year old daughter would also need prayers. While I know you can live a good life with Diabetes it's not something we'll ever be able to shake and sometimes I feel like we're fighting a losing battle! Nothing I do is ever going to be good enough to keep his sugar good all the time and no matter what I will fail because I can't control things like growth, like gym class, sports, stress, a big test, a crush, running too much, not running enough, swimming. Why couldn't I be the diabetic!? Why does it have to be him and not me?

Followed by the call that I'm not pregnant. I didn't want to be pregnant but I had kind of gotten used to the idea of being pregnant...I had rearranged bedrooms in my head, thought about the cloth diapers I'd buy, and planned maternity leave...so just for the day I was sad. A baby is never a bad thing. I may not have planned him or her but that didn't mean it wasn't what I would want.

Then came the news that the CVSO (person who does my job) in Franklin County plead guilty to stealing over $11000 in just 10 months. I liked her, I trusted her and I just felt...angry with her. I don't want to be angry...it's not really my thing but I also think that my feelings about Lane Michael's diabetes and not being pregnant may have influenced my feelings about Gloria.

Then to top my day off Ethan was struggling with homework that he should have gotten months ago...he should understand all of this by now and he just doesn't! He doesn't get it and I know it's his ADD but if he is struggling this much with kindergarten stuff then what will the years to come be like!

I'm tired. I'm tired of my kids having problems that they d0n't deserve, struggles that will affect them for years to come and not know how to help them. I feel helpless. I am helpless. I will give this to God. I will give them to God! I know that God is in control of all this! Saying that, saying God is in control helps, knowing that he's got my back helps!

Quick Update

I am not pregnant *quick sigh of relief* Moving on!

55 my hormone level is 55

And that means I'm either pregnant or ovulating. We aren't sure which. I hate this feeling. Yuck! Will update when I can!

Ethan gave me his wedding toast...

You know that old saying "kids say the darnedest things" So so true. I'm sarcastic, and instead of yelling or saying how I feel, I usually make a snide, sarcastic or snarky comment about how I feel. It's my defense mechanism. My kids have not only caught on to my use of sarcasm but have started using it on me! Lane Michael especially. Most recently he has told Todd things like "Change your attitude, Snarky" and "You are a sad sad little man" he told me "You are a sick sick woman" yes son, I am. He has a drier sense of humor and doesn't live to make people laugh, he's usually uncomfortable with people laughing at him or even with him. Ethan however lives to make people laugh...with or at him! He doesn't care as long as people are laughing. But this weekend, he wasn't laughing. he was serious. this is no joking matter. We were coming home from Urbana and Andy (my nephew) was feeding Ryan a bottle. This is the conversation between Ethan and Andy:
Andy: I love babies
Ethan: me too. but I'm never having any because I'm never getting married.
Andy: me neither
Ethan: welcome to the club dude!
Andy: thanks
Ethan: If I ever do get married, I'll run away and if I do come back, I'll slap her and tell her she's a mistake and then run away again.
someone will have to warn his wife to lock the doors when he runs away. I feel obligated.