Oh So Much to Say!

As soon as I decided we were definitely NOT going to Missouri this Christmas and could rearrange our budget accordingly, Todd's brother called and guess what? We're going to Missouri! We have a new nephew, sweet baby Renzo and we have been asked to be his God parents! We are so honored and so excited! Besides I just can't wait to get some baby snuggle time! He is just the cutest little dude EVER! Guess I better start rearranging the budget again! hahaha The girls are doing well, we have been able to avoid the hospital for almost 2 weeks at this point (Girlfriend was in the hospital twice in 2 weeks for breathing stuff). Their Momma is doing well, has a house even! Now if she can maintain she should be on the right track to getting her girls back! She has to remain employed, continue passing drug tests, keep the house going, and make good decisions. The girls got to spend a solid 4 hours with her Monday and had a great time! Girlfriend is so funny! Her personality is really starting to come out now that she can communicate with us! She is so sassy and all drama all the time! She talks about Lane Michael non stop and is usually badgering him to give her a piggy back ride. Her favorite toy is usually the one Ryan is holding and most of her evenings are spent on a kitchen stool helping me cook. Little Miss is Girlfriends polar opposite. She's rambunctious and silly! Just goofy all the time! On the rare occasion she does get herself into trouble it's for her defiant little attitude! She has no desire to be told what to do and isn't going to listen until given no other alternative. But as sassy as she is, it usually quickly melts into her normal hugs and giggles! This girl gives the best hugs! With Christmas right around the corner, we're trying to get everything ready and this year is our least organized to date! We don't have a tree or decorations up! We don't have shopping done...not even really close! Nothing up, very little bought, nothing prepped! Makes me sad! I love Christmas and want it to last as long as possible! Maybe we can get the decorations up this weekend since we'll be out of town next weekend! We have all the kids biggest gifts bought and just have a few stocking stuffers and a few small things. We're all really excited for Christmas this year! I have so much to do and hope we can get it all done but with Todd in one of his hardest semesters to date, I just dont know how we'll have time...I always have kids with me and he's always doing homework...maybe after bedtime one night!

Obstacles

Before writing anything I should update my last post, the title Permanency may have been misleading. There has been no new news in the girls case. We are just no longer ABLE to have children of our own. and that is a good thing. onto my regular post. Todd and I feel lead to be right where we are. We feel like we are working God's plan for our life. We feel as though His hand is in our lives right now, sculpting us for....something. We don't know his plan, won't pretend to, but what we do know is that we feel right about what we're doing. Others who have foster, adopted or ever stepped out of the boat may know what I'm talking about. What I didn't expect is for our family to be so....opposed to what we're doing. Especially my family that has always been so open to new and more people. My family is resentful of us for fostering. It not only took me by surprise but it hurt. Like HURTS still...I thought this person would not only support us but even...enjoy this, embrace it...something. Everyone is wonderful to the girls, please don't get me wrong! They are treated like absolute princesses but from a few people, its just surface...sad but you can't change other people.

Permanency

I will not go into details but I'm rather excited that as of today (SQUEE) there will be no more pregnancies for me! YAY!! that is all.

How Visits Affect our Life

Visits is by far the best and worst part of foster care. Sometimes from this end it seems like the cons outweigh the pros. I know that they are necessary, I wouldn't have it any other way. I want the girls to remain bonded to their mother, and I want them to get to see her, again I wouldn't want to change that. But visits are for so many reasons exhausting. First of all, twice every week we have to drive 20 minutes to visit, entertain ourselves for 2 hours and then drive another 20 minutes home, once we are home, Little Miss is usually fine but Girlfriend, oh what a hard night she has. Last night for instance she spent her entire evening laying on my chest whining while we played on the computer, watched TV, folded laundry or whatever it was we were trying to do. While cooking supper she either spent her time sitting at my feet whining or crying or she sat on a stool beside me holding my shirt....and if we weren't doing that, we were holding hands. Then at bedtime she is terrified and I spend probably 15 minutes reassuring her that we'll be there in the morning, that she will sleep in her bed and I will sleep in mine. When she finally drifts off to sleep, I tip toe out of her room, usually waking her and starting the process over. As if she isn't sad and miserable enough, she is still hurting/confused the next day while she acts out, becomes aggressive and still borderline clingy. None of this is meant as a complaint, I just feel so bad for Girlfriend, she's never her usual spunky, active confident self...and all of this was avoidable.

Challenging Myself

I think this year I'll challenge myself. I want to take time and make some Christmas gifts for my children...pinterest has been kind enough to provide some ideas for the girls such as an owl pillow, princess crowns,and a run around bag (which I've been wanting for me for sometime so I'll be making mine at the same time), and for Ryan I want to make a sleeping bag, and maybe a sock money...but for the big boys I'm struggling a little more. They're harder in general because they're so into all things technology...I just don't know where to go from here for them. I need some ideas! I'm hoping Pinterest will help me out over the next few weeks!

Boys of Fall

My Boys of Fall. Oh be still my heart! LITTLE MONSTER

Sweet, kind, handsome, funny and look at the size of those hands! He has my Dad's hands...My Dad's hands were square, muscular, strong. And never once raised to us. And in comparison to the rest of Ethan his hands are massive, square and thick. In football they call Ethan "Little Monster" we're told it's because when the coach tells him to blow through the line, he blows through (he's first string on the line and second string running back)! They underestimate his power because he's so small. But then he surprises us all and takes on even the biggest boys! At church the other night, a big kid (probably middle school) stopped Ethan on our way out the door and said "you're the beast at football right?" Ethan's been beaming for days! TACO

Smart, funny, lives in his own show tune, this boy...my oh my! At football they call him Taco...we have no idea why. Lane plays first string on the line and is second string Center. And in recent practices he's been the Tackling Taco! Known to bring down the big boys during a scrimmage and very rarely sits the bench! It's such a big difference from last year when they only played a few plays during the last quarter. I'm sad to see football come to a close but so excited to get a good schedule going!

Adjustment Time

I went to this blog today:

http://chazleydotson.blogspot.com/

and found this list:

from the day they arrive to the day they leave, and our experience goes something like this:

1. Aliens - That's what they are when they first arrive, strange little people invading our home and snatching away all our free time. The most commonly heard sentence around our house is I can't take one more hour of this.

2. Armageddon - Chaos ensues as our schedules conflict, or rather, as they reveal that they've never had any kind of schedule and throw hour-long tantrums at the words "bath time" and "bed time." The phrase of this stage is I can't take one more day of this.

3. Acclimation - We're getting comfortable now, which means that the day progresses more smoothly, but it also means that they are testing their limits, trying to tell if we really mean that they will get a time-out for throwing toys and hitting their sisters. I can't take one more week of this.

4. Alignment - Schedules and personalities begin to smooth, mostly. For the first time, we're more stressed about upcoming court dates than the end of their daily nap. I can't go on like this forever.

5. Attachment - This is a lie because we've been getting attached to them and they to us from the very first hour. But now you can really see it. Now we're not just strangers, not just babysitters, but something that resembles of family, and the phrase that embodies this stage is the most difficult one: I can't stand the thought of letting you go.

When the girls first arrived, I didn’t think our family could take the stress they’ve brought to our life. Today I confided in my mom that I’m having panic attacks, and she says it’s the girls…it is. And it isn’t. It’s the girls plus football. It’s the girls plus a job change. It’s the girls plus….life. I think I’m right now inbetween Armageddon and Acclimation because I’m still adjusting to them and our new schedule but they’ve adjusted to our home and our schedule. I’m hoping by next week we’re in full blown Acclimation and by Halloween to being well on our way to Alignment!