Summer Fun!

Lane Michael and Ethan finished baseball 2nd place in the league! I'm so proud of them! Even at this age there is a draft so some coaches truly "stack" their teams and the team we were up against was stacked! They were excellent! All great ball players and our boys? The team that finished 3rd for the season, they gave them a run for their money! Our boys were younger and they were tired, it was their 4 straight night of ball but they played a good game and the ending score? 20 to 24. The other team won but they earned it.

And just 4 days after baseball ended, we started football! We didn't intend to play football this year. Wapak plays in a league that doesn't have a weight limit...our 50 and 60 pounders didn't stand a chance, but at one of the ball games a Dad was telling us about Uni football...boys over 125 lbs can't play, and they're first in the league for sportsmanship, they teach basics and fundamentals...everything we wanted in midget football. So this week has been filled with football camp....we've had SO much fun! Can't wait to see how they do at try outs next week!

Ryan is very nearly potty trained! He told me today that he needed his pants off so he could potty...and sure enough, he did! So proud! What a smart boy!

And finally, adoption. My family is perfect. I am busy and enjoying every minute with these kids. So why do I still feel the draw to adopt? Is it because no matter what there will always be this huge gaping whole in my family where Braden should be? That space will never be filled so will I continue to want more babies? Will I always feel the need to have more children? Because I don't want more kids...I want Braden back. ugh. I feel my heart being tugged but is it my own longing for B or is it God telling me my family isn't complete?

Christmas Traditions

Christmas traditions are really important to Todd and me. We think it's what makes the memories and what keeps them coming home when they're adults...problem is, other people keep messing with my traditions! ;-)

We put up our tree and make cookies and cocoa...usually we do this the Sunday after Thanksgiving, but that weekend is so full of events we were all to exhausted so we did it last weekend (after the Hometown Holiday), the boys decorate the tree while we decorate the house, we make cookies, listen to Christmas carols and just enjoy each other...on a side note, I do not "fix" the tree when my children are done decorating, nor do I allow Lane Michael to follow Ethan around and move all the decorations that are too close to a similar bulb. I love my tree just the way they decorate it!

BFC (Best Friend Cousin) and I kick off the Christmas season with Christmas movies the Saturday after Thanksgiving (this year was a bust - - next year we will do evening movies so that the kids have less energy and actually watch the movies). We eat popcorn and drink hot chocolate, and maybe rearrange the dining room *wink*

We usually do a Christmas trip to Missouri to see Todd's family...this year the host said they didn't have the money or time to host. I really am missing the trip this year. I always have a great time. I heart my sisters in law and brothers in law (most of them).

The Hometown Holiday is always a big hit with our boys...this year Ryan was too sick to get up for the parade...so we waited until a little later and just took him to see Santa (got pictures), went to Casa Chic for an ornament but by that time people were cold, hungry and Ryan was tired. It was a fun morning over all!

The rest of our traditions are more centered around Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. We start by following Santa on the Marine Corps tracking web site as he visits the rest of the world. We eat Christmas Eve dinner by candle light (something special), then we spend the evening baking Christmas goodies, the boys open their Christmas pajamas, get a bath and head to bed. Then Todd and I spend the evening watching Christmas movies and setting Christmas up (wrapping gifts, filling stockings and getting gifts "ready"). We head to bed at about 2 am. Christmas morning we all get up, head down stairs, the boys open their stockings while we put coffee on *grin* and then they're allowed to open their gifts. Although they usually just want to play with the one they open first and stop *giggle* We'll have to be very careful this year what gifts they open first, so they don't get the Nintendo DS first (it'd be all over from there). We then have a big brunch of muffins, rolls, eggs, sausage, bacon, and anything else requested! We spend some time hanging out and then head to my Mom's (we make a quick stop at the cemetery to see my Dad and Braden). We hang with my Mom until we all head to my Grandma Sweet's house and spend the rest of the day.

Some of this varies depending on what my Mom works out with my siblings and their families. Sometimes we get together Christmas Eve and sometimes Christmas evening...they drive me nuts but what can you do *shrugs*

We have other traditions...3 gifts from Santa, and such...we intended for that to be an unspoken tradition but so much of my family goes over board that I sometimes feel the need to defend our lack of gifts under the tree...not that my children have ever minded...

This Christmas is one I'm really looking forward to! Ryan will get the fun and Lane Michael and Ethan will get everything on their list!

Lane Michael from Santa:
Nintendo DS
scooter (Lane Michael can't ride a bike)
BB gun (ugh)
Lane Michael from the 'Rents:
MP3 player stocked with great tunes!

Ethan from Santa:
Nintendo DS
bike
BB gun
Ethan from the 'Rents:
MP3 player stocked with great tunes!

Ryan from Santa:
play house
kitchen
food

Ryan from the 'Rents:
grocery cart

Todd and I aren't exchanging gifts this year in an effort to save up for our pending vaca!

Big Boys

The big boys have been very busy lately! We had the end of year program and have been playing baseball! LOVING IT! We also got sign up sheets for football this fall! YEAH!

My co-workers saw these pictures and were baffled at how different these little boys are! I take so much joy in their uniqueness! In there own qualities! I never have to look for something to appreciate, it's so obvious! Each a special person, each with flaws and strengths. Each the love of my life. Man I love them and I'm so proud of them!

Six Things About Lane Michael

1. Lane Michael likes school, he's excited to go every morning and last year when I asked the principal how he was doing socially, I was told not to worry...he's a bit of a social butterfly...everyone knows him and really enjoys him!

2. He loves TV...loves it...obsessively! It's hard to make him turn it off, he loves it, he can't help it. He would rather watch TV than do anything! He would never turn it off if that was an option...he even fights me when I tell him to turn it off...it's strange the love he has for TV

3. Lane loves to play board games...he'll take his turn and my turn both, he doesn't care if I'm actually playing as long as I'm sitting with him...and every once in awhile ask who's winning...he's pretty honest about it too! LOL

4. He's a morning person...up before any one else and very happy about it...he tiptoes past our door and heads straight for the basement...to watch cartoons of course!

5. Lane is clumsy....like really REALLY clumsy! He falls UP the stairs at least once a day...at least! It's hysterical!

6. He's really sensitive...he doesn't want to be laughed at and it really hurts his feelings if he is but has no problem laughing at others. He's also easy to cry...Todd and I aren't so dealing with his sensitive side is hard for us...but I've noticed that if we don't brush him off but validate his feelings, he comes around much quicker!

That's my boy...6 things about his super sized personality!

Six Things about Ethan!

This seems to be the perfect time to record 6 things I want to remember about Ethan:


1. He's cute...not photogenic cute but handsome. He has dark hair, blue eyes, a crooked smile and will be an amazing man, at whatever he chooses to be amazing at.

2. Ethan has always had this amazing physical ability. He's strong and coordinated. He loves to skateboard and play ball but more than loving it, he has an amazing natural talent.

3. Ethan wants to be a scientist. He wants to study animals....he loves toads, snakes, frogs and turtles...yuck!

4. Ethan found every toad at Grandma Laura's house and loved them dearly...they all have names and spent the summer being toted around from one side of the yard to the other...RIP Butch

5. He's a good big brother...he loves Ryan, is helpful, kisses on him, holds him and can soothe him when no one else can! He's protective and loving...we saw a whole new wonderful side to Ethan when Ryan was born.

6. He jumped off the roof this summer. Srsly? Yeh for real! He was aiming for the trampoline and missed it, but his foot hit the metal frame...3 broken bones! But since he doesn't feel much pain, he seemed to be fine...hm.

Baby wearing

I love baby wearing! Ryan loves it too! I can still do all my daily activities while he rides along, happy as can be! Ryan gets overstimulated very easily, wearing him helps to minimize how much others hold him and even talk to him, he still gets to be held but isn't constantly being stimulated by others wanting to hold and play with him. He's much younger than he looks and people tend to expect more from him...trying to coax a constant smile (he's a very smiley baby so this is easy) but they also expect babbling, and he's just now getting there. He's a happy baby but truly enjoys his down time...his "me" time! LOL! Anyway, baby wearing helps...a lot! People in stores, on streets and other random places, don't seem to "talk" to him as much, they respect my personal space enough to leave us alone...don't get me wrong, I LOVE people admiring Man Cub...but he doesn't appreciate it the way I do...and if he doesn't appreciate the attention, then we all pay the price! LOL! A couple of weeks ago, we were with my family (lots of loud women trying to all talk over each other passing around Alexis and Ryan - - the two newest babies in the family) and Ryan was fed, changed and still grumpy...I set him in his car seat in the next room, where he could see us but wasn't being held...he loved it! He had just had too much! I wish now that I had just scooped him up and kept him close! Lane Michael is easily over stimulated and when he gets to that point he needs down time...time to sit, relax and calm down...sort out his feelings....it's very sad because people don't always get to see the "real" Lane Michael...if there are new people around, it's the worst...Ryan may just be a lot like Lane Michael in that way.

Ryan's Birth Story

August 17th we had dinner on the living room floor, watched a couple of movies and then drove Lane and Ethan out to my Mom's house...we had an early day the next day and didn't want to make it earlier by adding a trip out to Mom's, so off we went, we stayed late, talking on the porch about the day we had ahead of us. On Tuesday we woke up at about 3:30...not because we had to but because we couldn't sleep...our minds were racing with the possiblities...the fact that Baby AC wasn't out of the woods was not lost on us...in the end, we gave our fears to God. We lay awake until 4 when we resolved to just get up...we took a shower, dressed, checked our bags to make sure we had everything and off we went. We stopped at the donut shop down town for treats for the nurses and some moon rocks (if you're ever in Wapak, stop at the Downtown Bakery for moon rocks...they're creamed filled donut holes...AKA a small peice of Heaven that explodes in your mouth when you bite into them!). We got to Lima about an hour early so we wandered through WalMart looking for a nursing bra...I didn't have one yet! Then we were off to the hospital. They got us into our room, started the meds and left us to our devices. We watched TV, played on the laptop, updated people and just hung out. At about 12 they checked me and I was 4 cm, at 3 they checked me again and I was 8. Todd called my Mom and she and the boys came to the hospital, they walked in the room at 4:15 we hugged and chatted for a few minutes, I had 2 contractions while they were there and at 4:30 they were shewed out so I could be checked...17 minutes later we had a baby Boy! Ryan Michael was born at 4:47 pm on August 18th 2009 weighing 9 pounds 5 ounces and was 20 1/2 inches long. He was perfect...not really crying but pink and just checkin' us out...cold and confused. Two hours later I was in the shower and we were a family of Five! We called him everything but Ryan! We called him AC, Daron, Aaron, and Braden but never Ryan...slowly we've gotten better but we still hesitate before calling him by name....he looks like a Ryan though and that helps! He was hungry and was great at latching on but I didnt' make enough milk to feed him so he's being supplemented with formula and I'm now taking meds to help my milk production...it's frustrating and angering! You want to feed your baby but your body won't cooperate and you're hungry because he's taking your calories but you don't want to gain weight AFTER the baby! It's just agrivating but SO worth it!

Three was Good Enough for Jesus.

Yes I know that the Wise men didn't show up the day after Jesus was born to shower him with gifts, I know he was closer to two years old by the time they got to him (give the guys a break, they were probably old and it was a really long trip), any way, they brought with them gifts for the Savior. Gold Frankincense and Myrrh. Three gifts...good enough for Jesus, good enough for my kids. Last year after reading "Twas the Night Before Christmas" and snuggling our little boys into their toddler beds, Todd and I headed down stairs to get Christmas ready, we wrapped gifts, assembled scooters and after hours of hard work and Christmas movies, we stood back and admired our work. It was beautiful, the tree glowed and the shiny paper twinkled in the dimly lit room. And I counted...17 gifts each, and thought to myself "is 17 enough?" it was a wake up call and a shameful moment of parenthood. I had become that parent, the one that materializes Christmas, the most sacred of days, equalled only by Easter, and I had made it into an excuse to give my kids toys. I had used it against them, to gain good behavior and in turn given them gifts...stuff they would never use and hadn't asked for. I was ashamed of myself. So, from this, we have learned and made some decisions regarding Christmas. From now on, each of our children will get three good gifts that they have asked for specifically. We will spend a set dollar amount and will stick to it. Instead of spending the morning opening 17 gifts, we will get up, get down stockings, go through them, have breakfast...each helping to prepare it, open gifts, listen to music and watch a Christmas movie or show and then we will take out time to do a Bible study, say a prayer of thanksgiving and wish Jesus a happy birthday. We will remember and instill the true meaning of Christmas. I'm so excited! This year, instead of buying anything I can think of that they might like, I will put thought into each gift, knowing that I have to make it count, I only have three slots, use them wisely. Now for anyone who thinks this is mean and/or cruel, please know that my children then get cash for their birthday (January 24) quickly followed by a trip to the toy store where they can choose anything we forgot or decided against, they love it and so do we!!

Green Yellow Red Black

In school, kids are given a light system, Green is for a good day, Yellow for a decent day, Red for a bad day and Black for a horrible day. To date (knock on wood) Lane has been all green all the time. Which is a huge accomplishment, he's thriving, they're challenging him and he's living up to it! Ethan had four greens, three reds and two yellows. Last week we got a letter saying that if Ethan's behavior didn't improve, he would have to talk to the principal, but it did, the next day was a green day. But this week he's only had yellows so far. I am at a loss for what to do. My cousin who is a teacher says to celebrate green days (fill the living room with green balloons, eat green foods, and take a green bath), ignore yellow days, because while they weren't great, they weren't horrible either, and on red days he's in trouble. I'm noticing a lot of struggles with him. I think he needs more attention, he has a brother who is diabetic and two working parents, my husband is rarely home in the evening, so lots of evening chores fall to me, leaving little time to watch him ride bikes or show me how good at the monkey bars he is. I don't know what to do for my little boy, I asked his teacher if she thought it could be ADHD, and she said that he's showing a lot of the signs and symptoms but that she thinks with behavior therapy, he may never need medication, which is good because I don't think I would medicate...lots of activity, change his diet and do lots of behavior therapy, but no medication...I just can't bring myself to do it. I believe Ethan will be successful, but he may need more one on one attention than I originally expected. He's always been so low maintenance that I regrettably never insisted on one-on-one. As twins, the boys have always been very independent...maybe I made a mistake in not insisting on more one-on-one with them. Lane is very high maintenance, so a lot of energy is spent, whether we're dealing with diabetes or calming a temper tantrum. Does anyone have any suggestions on what to do to help Ethan pay attention in school? Sit still? Listen to his teacher? Anyone think he may have just needed an extra year of maturing before throwing him into Kindergarten? My poor baby is really struggling and I don't know what to do for him...

First Days of School...

I would be ok with it...if they were just a little sad to be going, if just for an instant they would look back, but no. They got on the bus and headed off to school to be big kids. They came home talking like big kids, about big kid stuff, and about friends that I dont know! grrr. I have pictures but I can't stand to have them developed, because they're of the first day of kindergarten. Of real school, of the first day that my boys went to school. I'm not sad, I'm encouraged by the fact that they didn't look back but then someone said "well, as soon as they go to kindergarten, they might as well be in middle school, it just goes that fast" Thanks. Just what I wanted to hear. Excuse me while I throw a temper tantrum. But the important part is that they are doing well and love thier teachers and new friends, they eat in the cafeteria, and play on the school playground. They are big boys...forever. But rest assured, every night at bed time, they snuggle in and sleep like my babies.