Prayer Warriors.

My family needs prayer. Pray specifically for my brother. Things are happening and changing, some good, some horrible. It's a very personal matter that I don't feel revealing without his permission. But PLEASE, he is in need of prayers.

My Relationship with Christ

I'm judgemental. Imperfect. Sinner. I didn't know just how judgemental I was. But I am. I judge everyone. Good and Bad. I think that my way is the only way and if you aren't doing things my way then you must be wrong. Even more you must be a worse person than I...but I won't tell you that....no, I'll tell my friends. I'll gossip about it. I'll think terrible things to myself...awful superior things. Things that hurt God. I want to change. I want to love not to judge. I think my hypocrisy, my judgements hurt not only Jesus but also the image of a Christian. I want to live as Christ lived. Christ doesn't shun the GLBT community. He didn't whisper about them but knew their struggles and loves them. He doesn't look down on people who have/had abortions, but knows their pain...the pain of losing a child. Jesus certainly doesn't hate those who have divorced, cheated, hated. Jesus doesn't hate. The Bible says the word love more than any other word. It doesn't command judgement. It commands prayer. It commands praise, not gossip. Am I truly living as Christ lived...am I showing the best representation of God through my actions my words....do I love enough?

I don't feel that I'm a "religious" person and I'm not "spiritual" but I have a relationship with God, with Jesus and with the Holy Spirit. Each an individual relationship but all of them tied together as they are 3-in-1. I identify with each entity in very different ways. God is my Heavenly Father. My protector, head of the household, decision maker, master. I fear God....I fear seperation from God. My fear is more respect...as I fear or respect my earthly father. I love God, as my Father. Jesus I identify with as more human, but a perfect human...the words "what would Jesus do" are easier to answer because he had a chance to "do" here on earth. He experienced life as I experience life...temptation, pain, human feelings. Almost a brother...but so much more. He guides my actions. The Holy Spirit lives in me. A gardener, sculpting my heart, my soul to be the best I can.

A Day I Thought I'd Never See...

This morning was perfect...it was a bad morning but it was perfect because it was mine. The boys wouldn't eat fast enough, the baby cried, my husband yelled but it was perfect. My children go to school, are able to learn and be functioning 6 year olds. I have a baby, and he cries, and he's spoiled, and always needs a diaper change and they're expensive and breast feeding is frustrating and confusing and my body doesn't always work the way I want it to. And Todd is my husband, and he's cranky and moody and I sometimes blame Iraq but he came home and he gets up with the baby at night. So my bad morning was perfect. So perfect that I was even able to step outside of the bad morning, the undone dishes, the vomit on the floor, the rain on the windows (2 months late) and realize what a perfect morning this was. While Todd was driving and we didn't have Baby Ryan, life was good, money in the bank and we plugged along but in the morning it was just me, I barely had time for a shower, let alone make-up. I would dream of the day when Todd would be home with us in the mornings, we would drink coffee and talk about what we'd do after work, I'd hold the baby, kiss this kids and be off to the office...now I have that, and I wouldn't trade it for anything...even money in the bank!

A Submissive Wife...

I didn't know I had it in me until I started feeling the tug at my heart, to be submissive to my husband. Do I always "give it up" when he desires? No. Do I always make the decisions he would like for me to? No. But I notice that sometimes when I blatently ignore him when he has put his foot down it doesn't work out like I would like for it to. I have loaned things out when he has said not to and they never get returned...and it's usually something we need. My husband has our best interest at heart, and doesn't allow feeling to get involved. He can see things in a different light...I don't want to say a jaded light but he makes decisions based on facts and concrete evidence as opposed to feelings. I am better with financial decisions so he leaves most financial decisions to me but I discuss everything with him and involve him as much as needed, and if he has a question, he doesn't hesitate to ask. I take care of the stuff that he doesn't care about...what the kids wear, the shoes I get them. We've had several big decisions to make in our marriage. He's from Missouri, we had to decide if we wanted to live in Ohio or Missouri, I told him how I felt about it and he made an educated decision after a lot of discussions, and prayer. Decisions like that, decisions that will pop up later on he will have the final say because he is the head of my house appointed by God. Some decisions that he will make include when the boys can date, drive, when and where we'll move, when the boys can work a job, how much we'll help with their first car and college...I have very strong opinions about all of these things but ultimately the decision is his. I struggle with this daily but daily I make the decision to be submissive to my husband.

Six Things About Lane Michael

1. Lane Michael likes school, he's excited to go every morning and last year when I asked the principal how he was doing socially, I was told not to worry...he's a bit of a social butterfly...everyone knows him and really enjoys him!

2. He loves TV...loves it...obsessively! It's hard to make him turn it off, he loves it, he can't help it. He would rather watch TV than do anything! He would never turn it off if that was an option...he even fights me when I tell him to turn it off...it's strange the love he has for TV

3. Lane loves to play board games...he'll take his turn and my turn both, he doesn't care if I'm actually playing as long as I'm sitting with him...and every once in awhile ask who's winning...he's pretty honest about it too! LOL

4. He's a morning person...up before any one else and very happy about it...he tiptoes past our door and heads straight for the basement...to watch cartoons of course!

5. Lane is clumsy....like really REALLY clumsy! He falls UP the stairs at least once a day...at least! It's hysterical!

6. He's really sensitive...he doesn't want to be laughed at and it really hurts his feelings if he is but has no problem laughing at others. He's also easy to cry...Todd and I aren't so dealing with his sensitive side is hard for us...but I've noticed that if we don't brush him off but validate his feelings, he comes around much quicker!

That's my boy...6 things about his super sized personality!

Six Things about Ethan!

This seems to be the perfect time to record 6 things I want to remember about Ethan:


1. He's cute...not photogenic cute but handsome. He has dark hair, blue eyes, a crooked smile and will be an amazing man, at whatever he chooses to be amazing at.

2. Ethan has always had this amazing physical ability. He's strong and coordinated. He loves to skateboard and play ball but more than loving it, he has an amazing natural talent.

3. Ethan wants to be a scientist. He wants to study animals....he loves toads, snakes, frogs and turtles...yuck!

4. Ethan found every toad at Grandma Laura's house and loved them dearly...they all have names and spent the summer being toted around from one side of the yard to the other...RIP Butch

5. He's a good big brother...he loves Ryan, is helpful, kisses on him, holds him and can soothe him when no one else can! He's protective and loving...we saw a whole new wonderful side to Ethan when Ryan was born.

6. He jumped off the roof this summer. Srsly? Yeh for real! He was aiming for the trampoline and missed it, but his foot hit the metal frame...3 broken bones! But since he doesn't feel much pain, he seemed to be fine...hm.

Baby wearing

I love baby wearing! Ryan loves it too! I can still do all my daily activities while he rides along, happy as can be! Ryan gets overstimulated very easily, wearing him helps to minimize how much others hold him and even talk to him, he still gets to be held but isn't constantly being stimulated by others wanting to hold and play with him. He's much younger than he looks and people tend to expect more from him...trying to coax a constant smile (he's a very smiley baby so this is easy) but they also expect babbling, and he's just now getting there. He's a happy baby but truly enjoys his down time...his "me" time! LOL! Anyway, baby wearing helps...a lot! People in stores, on streets and other random places, don't seem to "talk" to him as much, they respect my personal space enough to leave us alone...don't get me wrong, I LOVE people admiring Man Cub...but he doesn't appreciate it the way I do...and if he doesn't appreciate the attention, then we all pay the price! LOL! A couple of weeks ago, we were with my family (lots of loud women trying to all talk over each other passing around Alexis and Ryan - - the two newest babies in the family) and Ryan was fed, changed and still grumpy...I set him in his car seat in the next room, where he could see us but wasn't being held...he loved it! He had just had too much! I wish now that I had just scooped him up and kept him close! Lane Michael is easily over stimulated and when he gets to that point he needs down time...time to sit, relax and calm down...sort out his feelings....it's very sad because people don't always get to see the "real" Lane Michael...if there are new people around, it's the worst...Ryan may just be a lot like Lane Michael in that way.