Thursday, November 21, 2013

Rip the Bandaid Off

The girls case worker came out Monday.
The girls are going home.
It's time.
They have no reason to keep them.
He hasn't done anything to lose them and has done everything to get them back (with the exception of a few things).
Maybe before Christmas.
Maybe just after.
And we are left with 3 broken boys.
Broken ourselves.
It's hard to help them understand.
When we ourselves don't understand.
This journey wasn't about us.
It wasn't about the girls.
It was about doing what we felt God was leading us to do.
My Mom said it best.
Little Miss and Girlfriend have brought more joy than this will bring pain.

Thursday, November 14, 2013

Falling Star

I'm missing something and God is trying to teach me and I'm dense. I'm not getting whatever it is He's saying! Starting this past summer we've done lots of praying about the girls future. TONS of just God's will and we'll say yes until you say no. and for about a year now we've had 2 Bible verses come up over and over and over to the point that it's no longer mysterious...I almost expect it! It's ALL the time. in 1 week we had a study during the church sermon, a group Bible study, Todd's men's study and my women's study ALL cover Abraham and the sacraficial ram. Then started Elisha and the widow. Both amazing stories of faith and a willingness to sacrifice and both being blessed beyond measure. and inevitably these 2 stories have continued to come up since early summer. So this weekend as we were driving home from the grocery, my best friend (otherwise referred to as my sisterwife) asked what was going on with the girls case. I was telling her that Bio Dad is ready any time to take them home and he's just waiting on his sisters finger prints to come back and everything will be done, he will have clear finger prints, a home, a job, transportation and child care...looks good for them to go anytime. I was talking about that mornings sermon and something said really hit home for me. He said "if every prayer you've said in the last one year came true..." the rest of what he said doesn't matter. 6 months ago I wrote down the 3 basic prayers 1. Todd needed a job 2. the Wapak house and 3. the girls case.
1. Todd HAS a job
2. the Wapak house is occupied until sale which keeps water moving in the pipes, the lawn mowed and oh yah, she's painting the house neutral colors for sale (I say this is an answered prayer)
3. the girls case - - the only prayer not answered in that 6 months but also not over yet

So honestly - seems to me, every prayer has in a way been answered! Later in the sermon he said "challenge God. don't pray for things that will work out anyway. pray for God to move mountains and see what He can do."  I said "Laura am I supposed to be asking God to move mountains?" and at that moment directly in front of us, a falling star. She said "there's your answer"

I don't usually put stock in "signs" because I'm not sure that's how God works but I think my sign is that I'm being heard and my prayers are being answered (even if in the end, God's answer is "no").

Tuesday  I was telling a my Facebook Christian women group about this and I kid you not, one woman responded with "sounds to me like the story of Elisha, the widow and the oil. Show God just how many empty pots you have and watch him fill them up...but also understand His plan might mean they go home." and the NEXT WOMAN to respond said "I agree with it reminding me of Elisha but my first thought was Abraham, surrender them to God, even if that also means surrendering them to their birth dad". I am overwhelmed by how God is working! My faith is being tested but I can say that no matter what the outcome is with the twincesses and even with my own children, my faith is unwaivering. I don't doubt that He could change the outcome, I just wonder if He WILL.

Friday, November 8, 2013

Christmas Budget

Every year I look at what we have to spend and what we need to buy. This year (IF everything works out we should have a total budget of about $1500. We have done well in the last few years (cutting down on what we spend and still being happy with what we get everyone) so I think we'll do about the same as years past. But this year we're ahead of the ball game. We have bought "out of pocket" so to speak a few gifts already, we've purchased one gift for the big boys, 2 gifts for each of the girls and pajamas for all the boys (I bought them on clearance last year but didn't want to buy for the girls and have to deal with the emotions if we didn't have the girls). Which will save us about $600 out of our budget this year.

So I sat down and made a list of those we'll be buying for:
Lane Michael
Step Dad            
Grandma Sweet  
Office Staff 1    
Office Staff 2     
Driver 1            
Driver 2             
Driver 3
Driver 4
Driver 5
Driver 6
Teachers at preschool
Teachers and Aide at elementary

The nice part is that most of these are easily budgeted for (most teachers, aides and drivers will be getting gift cards) I know what I'm getting for my Mom and Step Dad (easy) but the kids. Impossible to budget! IMPOSSIBLE Especially since they aren't giving me complete lists. Ryan and the Twincesses have never chosen a gift so they dont' have a clue HOW to choose something! The big boys big gift is being fixed up and changed right now so I don't know what to expect from this. I just don't know. I don't know what to expect for the girls gowns (being sewn by a local seamstress) what to budget for that. There's just so much up in the air right now.