Wednesday, December 31, 2008

What is New Years Eve Daddy?

A conversation held by the men in my family:

Todd: Tomorrow night, you guys are going to stay at Grandma's for New Years Eve and Mommy and Daddy are going out with Cool Aunt Becca and Uncle Brian

Lane: What's New Years Daddy?

Ethan: It's the end of the world.

Todd: What?

Ethan: It's the end of the world.

Todd: What will happen?

Ethan: The world will break into a bunch of tiny peices and will come to an end.

Todd: Who told you that?

Ethan: My heart told my head, it just knows.

Monday, December 29, 2008

Babies Gender...

Todd is wavering...he's unsure, very unsure! He's afraid he'll slip up and tell. He's afraid I'll be disappointed if he spills the beans. But in reality, the only reason I'm not finding out the babies gender is because I think it's more fun this way! I'm not against finding out, and I certainly don't have a preference, I just think it's fun. If he does find out and accidentally slips, I'll be disappointed, but not upset, I may even act like I don't know at all! One solution would be to pick a gender and call the baby by that until he/she is born. We currently call him/her Baby AC-for Addison or Collin...him knowing, and me not knowing is a very involved process and will take lots of planning of many conversations and being super careful of who we tell...many people have decided to not find out if/when Todd does. My Mom wont be finding out because she can't keep a secret from me, my cousin Rebecca probably won't find out but might...she's a planner and likes to be in the 'know' I have friends who I suspect will want to know....if Todd knows that is! My cousin is in the process of adopting a baby (due in February) and they have been told boy all along (according to early gentic testing) but was recently told girl (per ultrasound) which is another reason that I'm hesitant to find out, so many people are told one thing in the beginning, they prepare for that gender, and have a completely different gender! I don't want to paint my beautiful pink nursery a neutral color and then wish I had my beautiful pink nursery back!

And in other news...Lane Michael got up yesterday for church and while Todd was shaving and I was bathing he made himself cereal! Crazy kid! He didn't test or measure but he didn't spill anything either! If he wasn't diabetic this would be great! It would be a huge milestone, but really it's just scary!! Ethan has been carrying a 4 ft dog (stuffed) everywhere he goes and thinks it's wonderful! Good job Santa! They have loved everything they got for Christmas! They have played with everything and have a great time! The lack of toys wasn't a big deal and they are so happy!

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Christmas Brings Out the Best & the Worst

On Christmas Eve we moved into my Mom's house for the night...and so did my sister. It wasn't her year with her boys, so she only had her baby girl (10 mos) and it being her first Christmas, it was very exciting! We had a great time, I got to tell her about Baby AC due in August, we got to talk, catch up but more than anything, we got to go back to us. It was like old times for us, we laughed too loud and long over things that weren't nearly as funny as we thought they were! We celebrated together and I still got to carry out all of our traditions with our boys, we baked Christmas cookies, took a bath, opened Christmas Eve Jammies and then Todd read Twas the Night Before Christmas. It was perfect, we snuggled the kids into bed and went to work...Todd was nearly useless and watched movies, while I wrapped gifts and finished Christmas cookies. It was lots of fun! Christmas was good this year, I got more than I needed! We visited Dad and Braden in the cemetary, it was good to be down there again...I hadn't been down there since fall. After that we went to Grandma Sweets for the evening, again a great time had by all! So I'm sure you're wondering where the "worst" comes into's coming, I promise. Well Friday night we celebrated with my other sister. It was agony. Mom was sick, the little guys played, and my sister sat in the recliner playing on the laptop. When I mentioned that I'm pregnant again, no one even looked at me. Two of my neices sat in one recliner only speaking to each other, leaving the third to say nothing all evening. It was torture. I made supper and stayed in the kitchen because even if I did say anything, no one listened or spoke back....I knew things weren't great between us but I didn't know it was all that...I know that she is going through a hard time and all but it was more torture than I'm up for! I'm glad it's over but I wish the worst had come before the best!!

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

The New Baby...

I was playing around yesterday when I found this site: So I (being very entertained and intrigued) uploaded Todd and I into the system (it's free) and this is the baby they gave us! He looks a lot like Todd as a little guy! I'm thinking of trying it again today with different pictures! It's lots of fun and exciting....and maybe a little crazy...what's funny is that I can kind of see each of us in there....teeheehee! What fun! So this is AC...until of course AC is born!!!

Monday, December 22, 2008

Change of Plans!

This year we're going to have to send a change of address to Santa Claus...of course it's a temporary change of address, but a change of address none the less...for Christmas this year, we'll be staying at my Mom's house! We're very excited and will probably do this a lot in the years to come...we've done it some in the past and always have a great time! We talked about it last night and since we'll be spending Christmas Eve there (for dinner and cookie baking) and will be back at Mom's by 3, then it only makes sense for us to just stay the night! We explained to Lane Michael and Ethan that Santa knows where we'll be and will find us no matter where we are, they're good with it...of course Lane would live there if we let him! So for Christmas Eve dinner this year, Gina (my sister) will be making the appetizers, my sister Hef may not come at all, we're still working on it, and I will be making the manicotti, Mom will make the casserole and meatballs...maybe a salad. And then after all is said and done we'll bake sugar and gingerbread cookies...lots of them! Yum! I'm excited! Then the boys will open Christmas Eve jammies (my favorite tradition), take a bath, put jammies on, read a couple of Christmas stories (the traditional Twas the Night Before Christmas and then The First Christmas)....after that Todd and I will wrap gifts and watch Christmas movies! Sounds like good times for all!!

Friday, December 19, 2008

Christmas Shopping is done!

WOOHOO! We're done! We (and by we I mean Todd) finished our Christmas shopping yesterday! This year, Christmas is different at our house! This year it is about family time. It's about being together, being thankful for what we have and loving those around us. This year it's about knowing how blessed we are and not about what's under the tree. Our boys have been told that Jesus received three gifts for his birthday, and that is how many they can expect to get. They understand, they like it...they never got upset with us or Santa (who made the rule) and they never once indicated that three isn't enough. They can name Jesus' three gifts, and hopefully Sunday they will learn the names of the 3 Wise men who came bearing gifts of Gold, Frankincense and Myrrh. This year they are mature enough to understand that Christmas is about way more than the gifts we get, this year they helped to buy gifts for a family in need, they looked at the gifts under the tree (toys they wanted to keep) and yesterday gave them to the Mommy with a joyful heart! I'm so proud of them! They are so different, such individuals but I couldn't be more proud of how they've acted this year. So without further ado, here is what each child will find under the tree this year:
LANE MICHAEL will find:
digital camera (the one thing he has consistently asked for)
miniature Gameboy (so they can stop breaking Gramma's PSP)
Ben Ten car (it does cool boy stuff that really just confuses me to no end)

ETHAN will find:
stuffed dog (that when held up stands as high as my rib cage...and I stand 6 ft tall!!)
miniature Gameboy (so they can stop breaking Gramma's PSP)
MP3 player (so he can stop pretending to have one with headphones hooked to a small plastic box...he does this daily)

They will get one gift from us, this is unusual but they've asked for Kota since he came out and when he went on sale for $99 (from $299) we had to snatch him up!!

This year will be a joyful one, but on Christmas morning, before going to my Mom's we'll make our annual stop to see our baby, our (should be) 23 month old baby, and we will leave with him a toy chosen with love and tears. We will also stop and say Hi to my Dad, we'll tell him we're pregnant and how much we wish he could be here with us to celebrate, to rejoice in this new addition. But a joyful Christmas we will have because I got the best 26 years with my Dad, I got the best 9 months with Braden and I am blessed!

Thursday, December 18, 2008


Ok so everyone knows that until recently we had planned to have no more biological children and we wanted to adopt a girl from the foster care system but because of various reasons,we decided to try for one more bio baby before jumping back into the system. But we had made this decision and it just so happened that since we were only looking to adopting a girl we would need a girls room. So I went out and bought lots of stuff for a baby girl, received lots of hand me downs (for a girl) and painted the room pink. HM. So begins my dilemma. What if we don't have a girl? Todd will be finding out the gender of this little being in or around April 7th...but I won't. So one option was that if it's a boy he could keep the room closed and paint when I'm not around...a good option but I'd smell the paint and we're almost never apart from each other. The other option is for me to just give up the dream of not knowing and find out in advance with Todd and paint the nursery ahead of time. But the third option is leaving it alone, letting the baby stay in a bassinet in our room for the first 1-3 months and paint and set up the room during that time...but it will be such a busy I want to give up that time with my baby to paint the walls of a nursery! I don't know, I think we'll just see how things progress from here!

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

I don't feel any different...

When I was pregnant for Braden I wasn't worried, because pregnancy was a magical time where you were in this bubble of protection and nothing could harm you. When I was too early to show, we still had of them kicked me hard in the stomach. When I was about 5-6 mos pregnant my parents dog took my feet out from under me and I landed on the concrete HARD! But I didn't get checked, I didn't call the doctor...I don't know that I even told him at my next appointment. Maybe, but again, I don't this morning when I fell, I didn't want to be a bother to my Dr. so instead I called in some experts, and was told to call my Dr. Turns out, you should call for that kind of stuff. My back is starting to hurt but the thing is, I think I'm ok...I'm scared for my baby. Even if he/she doesn't have a heart beat yet, I'm scared for him/her. I love this baby and would walk thru fire to deliver a healthy baby.
The thing about pregnancy...theres nothing I can do. I have no control over what's happening in my lower abdomen. I can do things to help and I can things to hurt progress. I can take my vitamens, rest when I need to, and eat right...but falling on the ice is a split second game over. Then there are people who eat junk, smoke, drink and live dangerously and are handed a perfect 7 lbs 5 oz screaming bundle and never really appreciate what they have...but really do I appreciate what I have? Not the way I could...I have two little blessings at home and I know how blessed I am to have them but that doesn't mean I couldn't appreciate them more...Life is good, I feel blessed to be pregnant, if only for today.

Went to the Doctor...

I don't know anything more than what I knew before...they said to watch for spotting, cramping and pain...and to call back if anything feels bad...I feel fine physically...I'm tense from being....well, tense. They're running a serum test today (already done) and again in 48 hours to make sure the levels are still doubling...they also said it would give us a better estimate on when I'm due. They have my date as 8/25/09...I think I'm more like 8/30/09....who knows though! They're the doctors/medical professionals so I'll let them worry about that! Thanks for the prayers!

I fell on the ice...

I'm terrified. Please Pray.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Missouri was Fun...

We had a great time in Missouri, we got to spend plenty of time with the brothers that we like and everyone was pleasant and made a real effort at Christmas! Usually there is a fight or two when the whole family gets together but it went well, everyone was on their best behavior and it was natural good...not pushed or strained. We moved together like a family, we yelled and argued politics, football, the economy and health care! We all got to say what we wanted but since it was all at the same time, no one heard anyone else! It was funny! Todd and I brought home 8 of the most delicious pizzas from Imo's and can't wait to share them with the people who have never been lucky enough to partake! We're addicted and have considered having them shipped's expensive but WAY worth it! Todd got to announce to his family that we're expecting and everyone was happy for us and offered MANY congratulations! I forget how much I like them when I don't see them....I like some of them. There are two couples in particular that I feel comfortable with...well, I'm really connected to one SIL and one brother...the brother in particular...he's easy to like and seems to go out of his way to get to know me...I require that from Todd's family because I'm leery of them but this brother, I like him...he's someone I would choose to communicate with...but he lives the furthest from us! His wife is sweet, she's quiet and timid, I like her. It seems to me that all of us SILs feel the same way about the rest of the family, and our DHs share our works well.

While in St Louis, Todd took out some time to take me shopping, he took me to jewelry stores, if the baby is a girl, we'll get her a baby ring so we looked at those, but I may just ask for mine and hand it down to her. We also looked at new wedding sets because on our 10th anniversary we'll get new wedding was fun to look and play! Then he took me to Once Upon a Child, I got to look at baby stuff and baby clothes and I bought a few things (two pairs of pants and 3 shirts, all for $38) and I think I'll be looking for a local Once Upon a Child, the stuff there was so nice! We went thru Baby R Us and bought nothing but loved seeing all the baby stuff and looking at the things we still need.

Over all it was a great trip and a really good time with all three of the men in my life!

Monday, December 15, 2008

I didn't think this is how I'd feel...

I read a blog regularly about a young woman facing infertility. She finally (after many tries and even more tears) got pregnant with twins...she lost them at 20 weeks (approx.) and is now about 12 weeks pregnant. She wrote a very long heartfelt tear jerking post detailing the agony of being pregnant and not having the ability to attach to the baby, to feeling like a pregnancy no longer means a baby...I disagreed and stood fast on my "think positive" soap box, I was torn between praying for her to think positive and telling her to think positive. On Friday night I found out that I'm pregnant...I'm three weeks pregnant, and it doesn't feel real, I don't feel like there is automatically going to be a baby at the end of this 37 week adventure...but what I can do is fake it until I make it! So, the announcement is that I'm 3 weeks pregnant! We aren't waiting the 3 months to tell, we will celebrate this pregnancy and pray for this baby developing in my lower abdomen! I took two digital tests and they each took very little time to pop up in big bold capital letters PREGNANT! I'm excited and nervous and apprehensive...but mostly excited! We told my family over the phone Friday night as soon as we took the test and Todd announced it to his family on Saturday at the Christmas party! Everyone razzed him that we'd have twins, Todd got huffy about it (in a fun way) which made the jokes continue! It was funny! Actually most people I've talked to mention twins...thanks guys! LOL! Actually twins is not a bad thing. The only part we're sad about is that Dad didn't live to see him/her! We're not sure what we'll call baby until birth day when I find out the gender but rest assured I'll let you know as soon as we figure it out!

Thursday, December 11, 2008

To Missouri We Go.

DH lived in Missouri before joining the service, that's where his parents and all of his siblings live. I never know how to feel about going to Missouri...DH does love his family, but we choose to keep a certain level of separation from them. He's protective of them but doesn't understand them. They're an interesting crew to say the least, but they're family. So I will take a Valium, drink a beer and pray for the best. Wish me luck folks, I'll be needing it!

I'm so lucky to be raising my son's best friend...

Last night as we were heading upstairs for bed:

Ethan: Mom, does Lane have to sleep with me tonight?

Me: No....Lane you have clean sheets right?

Lane: Yeah...

Ethan: *sniff*

Me: Ethan, do you want Lane to sleep in your bed?

Ethan: *sniff* yes

Lane: It's ok bludder, I'll sleep with you

Ethan: *grabs Lane for a hug* I love you

Lane: I love you too

I am so blessed to have witnessed this act of bludderly love!

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

One Payment at a Time...

Something that has always hurt me financially is my (or Todd's) lack of patience. I'm an inpatient just so happens that Todd is more impatient, leaving me the option to blame him for our financial back slide. But the truth is, I am equally responsible. In the past things have always "fallen" into place for us financially. We were credit card debt free at one time and oh how sweet it was. But life happened and eventually we were right back where we debt. In the past we have had a lump sum check of some kind come thru and pay off the debt we had been working on. Those lump sum checks were great and pulled us out of the pickle we were in. So this time, when we started trying to dig our way out of this debt, and there was no lump sum to pull us thru, it brought the reality of paying off debt crashing down around me. Paying off our debt can't be done over night, it's done one pay period at a time. One payment at a time and we just have to wait for our paychecks to come, and watch as we battle "periodic fees" and other ridiculous amounts being added to our debt! And I realized, I'm learning patience.

Dear Santa...

Dear Santa, I have a very long and detailed list for Christmas this year. Since it is so long I will send it in list fashion instead of letter

1. I would like my Mom to smile the way she did when Daddy was alive

2. I would like my DH to come back from the funk he's been in since July

3. I would like my children to hurt a little less and see less death

4. and for me, I would like a baby. gender, hair and eye color doesn't matter, just one that breathes, eats, poops and occasionally cries...and isn't made a plastic

5. I would like a new purse. And since the purse is probably the only thing I'll get, I would like to specify that it should be pretty and (hint hint Todd) from TJMaxx

Hope you get everything you want for Christmas this year.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008


I'm not pregnant...yet. Yes we're counting on being pregnant very soon! But last night, as we lay on the couch nursing ourselves back to health from the miserable flu that is running rampant thru our family we started talking about names...for girls we came up with lots of wonderful names but it always has been Addison Cecil (I'm Lynne Cecile, my Grandma Sweet is Lois Cecil) we may call her Addie, but it will depend, Lane Michael wants to call her Sissie, Ethan will probably follow suit. Our boy name has been very hard for us, a struggle really, it's harder for us to settle when all of our obvious favorites are used on our three boys. So what goes with Lane and Ethan...we thought of Trevor (it goes well, but we're both not positive), we liked Heath (but Keith, Ethan and Heath might be too much in our circle of friends) and Jackson has always been a favorite (but I'm a middle name user and I don't know if we could/should have a Jackson Michael) so last night as we miserably drank Sprite and ate Saltines we came to the conclusion of Collin Michael. We will either have a Collin or an Addison...I'm happy either way! I love both names and they both go with the boys names
Lane Ethan and Collin
Lane Ethan and Addison
I love it!

Friday, December 5, 2008

Sometimes Intuitions are Worth Listening To

Sometimes I get an intuition and it's WAY off...I mean couldn't be more off. Sometimes I trust people that don't deserve it, I let them in and they hurt me. Sometimes I don't trust people or their intentions, and they end up with the most honorable intentions. My intuition about my children is usually dead on. When the boys were three years old, Todd was laid off, the next week we had to go to Chicago for a Young Veterans Symposium. While we were there he was hired on with a different company, when we got back we celebrated with a breakfast with my parents and my Grandma Sweet. At breakfast, Lane Micheal turned grey and started to "fall asleep" we thought he must be sick, so my Mom woke him up, and fed him some pancakes, just to have something in his tummy in case he slept until lunch. The next day Todd was off work, they didn't have a trainer for him. So he took Lane Michael to the doctor, asking him to test for diabetes, the doctor tried to refuse, but Todd was having none of it...after a short "discussion" the doctor finally checked his blood sugar, he was over 500 and hadn't had anything to eat that day. Todd didn't want to feed him if they need urine or blood off they went to the ER, and then straight up to the PICU where they camped for 7 long days. Todd's new job told him to take care of things and he'd have a job waiting for him. (thank you Roeder). I just wish I had listened to my nagging mothers intuition when it said to have Ethan's hearing tested last year. So two months ago when my intuition started telling me to pay off debt as fast as possible, I listened, it's not going fast, but again as fast as possible. I'm a worker, it's what I do, I'm not fun (don't feel the need to re-assure me that I am, I'm not) I'm not witty or original. Everyone in my family can be described by an animal, Lou is a dog (loyal to the end, kick him and he'll bite your leg off) Gina is a momma bear (looks innocent enough but don't screw with her kids), Heather is a peacock (beautiful, a little flighty but rules the roost) and I am the horse, I'm a worker, and I'll work myself to death for you because I'm a horse. So (I swear this is going somewhere) what do I do when I want to get a second job (just until the debt is paid down) but it makes my DH feel like he isn't doing his part? Todd is great with the kids and he wants to be on the floor with them, watch movies until midnight and wrestle until someone gets hurt...I'm not that person. I want to snuggle at night, read bed time stories, do homework and fix dinner...but I'm not the fun one so it makes sense for it to be me. hmmm....

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Blogger: diabetes loss and adoption - Edit Post "Three was Good Enough for Jesus."

Blogger: diabetes loss and adoption - Edit Post "Three was Good Enough for Jesus."

Wednesday, December 3, 2008


Ok so I want to be debt free. So I’m going to use numbers that aren’t real and lay out our “budget” and would like some suggestions…so here’s our “budget”

VA $755
Todd $1800-2400
Lynne $1600

Total $4155-4755
(Todd used to make more like $2400 but his runs have been cut lately)

Church $280
House $715
Electric $200
Heat $69
Cars $601
Insurance $165
Credit Cards $175
Gas $250
Medical $250
Phone $170
Cable $40
Day Care $200
Food $600

Total $3715

Difference $440.00-1040

Again these figures aren’t accurate but let’s pretend…so we have a difference of $440 to play with…our debt break down is this:

House $88500 still owed
Truck $15700 still owed
ATV $6300 still owed
Credit Card $2700 still owed
Credit Card $2500 still owed
Credit Card $2400 still owed

Total $118’100

Ok, so we almost always pay $800 on the house but the house is the one bill that I’m not worried about paying off right now…So I’m thinking that if we pay minimum payments (the $715) and take that extra $85 and put it towards the first credit card listed, when Todd’s income is more than $600 we put that amount towards the first credit card, and when our medical bills are less than $250 the extra goes to the credit card. I would like to have all of our credit cards paid off by October 2009, a very obtainable goal. Then I will concentrate on the ATV and finally the truck payment…but my problem is this…Todd’s income is way lower than it used to be (as almost everyone’s is) so when do I start saving, we’ve always known that if necessary we can live off of my income or his because we would cancel the extras and make all of our food from scratch…it would be tight but it would work. We’d make it work! But it would be so much easier if we had those credit cards paid off. If we didn’t have $7600 sitting over us in debt…that debt is dental expenses and Todd’s truck driving school so it’s not like we put Christmas on the credit cards or a new big screen TV…his job has made us more money than it cost us, so it was worth it, but I hate having it over us! I would like for one to be paid off by our tax return and one to be paid off by March, and the third to be paid off by October…but again, with his diminishing income, it makes me nervous not to have it done now! So, I’m open to suggestions. What do you think? I want honesty and if you think my feelings will be hurt, first of all, it’s VERY hard to hurt my feelings and second, just leave your comment under anonymous

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Life is...

The good stuff is boring. People don't want to hear about my kids decorating the tree, they don't want to hear that my DH makes me happy, that there was no drama at this years Thanksgiving, that I got new dishes, that I spent last Saturday watching Christmas movies with my cousin and her kids eating the yummiest popcorn ever, that we might go to the water park this weekend and Missouri next weekend and that my brother just got a job on the Army Corps of Engineers as a civilian. Because the good stuff is boring. When life is good, life is boring, and I like the boring. So what people (and I mean all people) want is to hear how my cousin brought her dog to my Grandma's house, it's a mean dog, they're teaching to bite (a pit bull I think) and was mad when her mom made her take it to their truck for the evening, how we had three adults standing between that damn dog and my kids because we were sure he was going to bite them, how he growled at them and she laughed, and now she's mad at us. whatever. They want to hear that my cousins wife's family doesn't know that he had three kids before he met her. Even the little dramas are dramas. They want to hear that my sister is still married to her husband even though they've been separated for years and she's had children with other men since then. But those aren't the things I will share today. Today I will share that my life is boring. Thank God.

Monday, December 1, 2008

The Ten Commandments...

My dear friend and I are lone rangers in Junior Church, left to our own devices...but we have a total of 6 kids. So it's L and I versus the six of them! 5 of those are boys and 5 of those belong to us! We aren't a wealthy church so to save some money Todd and I have donated some of the supplies needed, L and A (L's DH) have donated lots of supplied, time and energy! So when we were left weeks ago without a lesson, we made it up, we launched a 12 week study on the 10 Commandments...or God's Rules if you ask Destiny! We're on week 4 (Commandment 3) this week and it's going so well that we may repeat the study in two years to see if we can't get them to have them memorized, at the end of our hard core study we will have a program where we will present the 6 children who are consistently in class, telling the lessons we've taught with each of the Commandments...we aren't teaching the Biblical wording (it's hard to understand) but we are teaching the meaning, with a story from the Bible to back us up!

#1 No Other God's - - This was taught with Adam and Eve, Eve ate the fruit, so that she could become God like, but there are NO OTHER GOD'S!

#2 No Idols - - King N melted down all the gold to make a giant statue of himself for the people to worship, and those who refused would be thrown into the furnace, three refused but when he threw them in, he saw a fourth person, it was an Angel, who protected them from the flames. King N then proclaimed that God was the only being to be worshipped, and there were to be no more idols!

#3 Love God's Name - - David and Goliath - Goliath mocked God saying that even God couldn't beat him, David said that through the power of God, someone as small as David could beat Goliath, we used the big kids versus the little kids, and there was lots of yelling and "war" but in the end, David won because he had God in his corner!

And the best part is that my kids and recite these three, and even know what I mean when they recite them to me!

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

So Thankful...

Lane Michael, have you really been in my life for nearly 6 years? It seems like yesterday that I held your precious little hand as Daddy held you close, and I'm sure just moments ago you were learning to walk in your own special way...but no, 6 years has passed and my oh my how you're blossoming into quite the young man. I look at you and can see you 20 years from now looking at me with that same thoughtful expression, in my vision you've become the chef you've always wanted to be! I see your success looking back at me through those beautiful brown eyes. You have a faith in God and in God's almighty power that is enviable! You're smart and funny and sometimes a little akward, but you love people...all people! You're responsible and loving and you want nothing more than to be a Daddy...that's all you've ever really wanted! I love you and I'm thankful for you.

So Thankful...

Ethan, my sweet and precious boy. I'm so thankful for you. You're sweet and loving, you want nothing more than to be just like Daddy, and my sweet boy you are, you are just like Daddy. You're busy and active and so full of life, nothing slows you down! When you were just a little guy, maybe not yet two, you were up dressed, and to the barn before I could catch up, because that's where you wanted to be! You loved the animals and the barn...where you could hang out with Daddy and just be with him! When we're away from home, you want nothing more than to go home, because that's where you love to be! It seems like just yesterday you were laying in the hospital searching for Lane, like you knew he had to be there, and if you could just get unwrapped enough to get that little hand out, you could find him, and find him you did. You're a great athlete with natural talent and the drive to be good, you love basketball and football, but will be great at whatever you choose! You're still figuring life out, but what I do know is how wonderful you've made my life. I adore you and am lucky to have you in my life. I love you Ethan and am thankful for you.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Morbid post ahead...

Todd and I are doing what should have been done years ago...we're choosing the guardians for our children if something ever happens to us...but how do you choose? If we could take bits and peices of people, friends and family, I would...but that's probably not an option...all of them love our children, almost as much as we do, but what about the other stuff, what about dressing them the way we do, what about our religious beliefs, the way we do homework, dinner, chores, allowance, vacations, hair cuts, punishments, sports, grades, bad days, good days, graduation, college, first cars, driving lessons, first dates, prom, weddings. Who could/would do them the way we would.

Sleeping Arrangements...

Our kids have the “master bedroom” when we moved in the room was done in flowers, so a few months after we had moved in (and our boys had slept in said flowered room) my cousin and I put up a sports border. Todd and I share a much smaller room but I’ve never understood parents having the largest bedroom, I often tell my boys to go play in their room…I never play in my room, and so all I need is a space to sleep and space for my clothes…other than that, I’m good. So the boys each have a bed with a sports theme that my Mom hand painted for them, they each have a dresser (also hand painted by my Mom) and a night stand. For the last year we have been convinced we would be adopting a baby girl, so I painted the room pink, and I don’t mean a pale pink that could easily be coated with some Kilz and a neutral, no I mean a vibrant, jump out and grab you pink! I want my girl to be a GIRL! But now that we have decided to have a biological child (adoption has been set back a few years), we aren’t guaranteed a girl…in fact, we’re more likely to get a boy, and we love the idea of all boy all the time, we also love the idea of two boys and a girl! We’d be happy with either…but with me not finding out what we’re having, we can’t paint the nursery at 22 weeks, we’ll have to wait….but I’m not sure I want a boy to go to his own room…I’m considering making the nursery into an office and a place to read bed time stories…if we have a boy, I’d like to keep him in our room until he’s 3-6 months, then put him in the boys room, buy a set of bunk beds, have them painted with sports and have the kind that can be detached and set individually, put a crib where one of the beds now sits and keep all of my boys together. The baby will obviously go to bed early than Lane Michael and Ethan, so we would put pajamas and bed time stories in the office, where I’d like to have a couch, so that I have a place to sit and read with them in the evenings before bed. They go to bed well and it’d have to be a rule that once they’re in their room there is no talking (with a baby monitor I’m able to listen). But I don’t want the baby to wake them too early and I would rather have the twins up and ready before waking the baby…so we might have to paint the nursery a neutral color to have an office after baby is moved into the big boy room. Ok in the end maybe I over think everything before it needs to be thought about! Maybe I should wait until we’re in the situation before I go making long run-on blogs about where each of my children will sleep and whether we should finish the attic for a sitting room for the kids someday…which I doubt we’ll do but it’s fun to think about! There are changes I’d like to make to the house…like the wallpaper on the ceiling in the bathroom…it sounds crazy and hillbilly but I promise, it’s beautiful, but it’s over the bath tub and the steam is making the seams of the wall paper come lose in spots, so I think we’re going to put a wood tongue and groove ceiling up (the tub surround is tongue and groove wood), and the wall paper in the living room is starting to give at the seams, so I need to glue it back down….just minor things…the basement bathroom is small so there’s some work I’d like to do there, but it’s all in the future and nothing needs done right now! For right now, I’m just going to enjoy life as it comes!

Friday, November 21, 2008

Where I Was...

November 2000 I was in AIT getting ready to graduate, I spent Thanksgiving in a cheap hotel room sharing a pizza with good friends...lots of good friends, few of which I can name today, one of which I can contact!

November 2001 I was in Germany, and since it was just after 9-11 we were on guard duty but Tiff was dating someone in Babenhausen (sp?) so we went there for Thanksgiving, we got drunk, made a turkey and played football in the sleet, wearing jeans and t-shirts...we were too drunk to know we were cold...oops!

November 2002 I was in Texas, 6 months pregnant with twins...I was on no work status at that I was just hanging out getting fat!

November 2003 I was in Ohio, the boys were 10 mos old...Lane had a seizure, Todd was still living in TX but for his birthday he got to come home...

November 2004 we went to NY to visit my brother and his family, a nearly disasterous trip, but turned out well!

November 2005 was good, spent in Ohio in "normal family life" mode

November 2006 Lane Michael was just diagnosed with diabetes making holidays difficult...I was also 7 months pregnant...

November 2007 Dad was sick, we were grieving what Thanksgiving should have been like with a 11 month old...but instead we visited his grave...

November 2008 Daddy just died and we're still working thru this...but life is ok.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

I am...

I am a lot of things to a lot of people and lately I am dropping the ball...I haven't been a good friend lately, I have dropped the ball at work (or come close to it) a few times over the last two months, I don't have a handle on my childrens school work and activites and I feel very out of control. Todd has been working very hard lately at trying to help...the only problem is that his "help" slows down my progress and sets my evenings back...he'll "help" with something but doesn't have time to finish it...for example, he has been getting home earlier, so he gets the mail...but he doesn't pay the bills, he has lost two medical bills and one car payment...thanks for helping. Or he'll go through the boys bookbags with know, to "help" but then he'll throw away letters about upcoming activities that the boys need to dress a certain way for, so the night before I'm scrambling to get things ready....or he'll "help" with supper but he'll use ingredients that I have slated for a different meal...meaning I have to either scratch that meal or purchase more of whatever was used....again, I know his intentions are in the right place, but sometimes it's just easier for me to do things myself....I love him and don't want to tell him any of this, and it's not just him, I was given an extra task at work, it's a one time thing but it's a big task and very hard's setting me behind on everything else that are my primary responsibilities but until this extra job gets done my office looks horrible...and the thing about it is, it's something that would normally fall to a secretary...except we are without a secretary...our secretary is now our admin assistant...and hates to file....whatever, I'm almost done and then I can get back on track with the things I should be doing, the things I want to be doing...I'm off my game and it's frustrating.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

A Cure !?!?!

My family is Loved!
Lane Michael is Loved!
This morning my aunt called me…she does from time to time but usually with a purpose. This morning she called to ask if I watched the news last night…well, no as a matter of fact I didn’t…I’m not a news watcher…what’s up? She was half asleep when she heard the words Juvenile Diabetes, her ears perked and suddenly she was awake…the following story was pulled from Yahoo but is the basics of what my aunt heard last night…I’m so excited…could we have a cure!?!?

CHICAGO (Reuters) - Two popular leukemia drugs, Gleevec and Sutent, kept lab mice from developing type 1 diabetes and put 80 percent of diabetic mice in remission, an international team said on Monday.
Both drugs -- Gleevec, or imatinib, made by Novartis AG and Sutent, or sunitinib, made by Pfizer Inc -- worked by depressing the immune systems in the mice, which maintained normal blood sugar levels even after treatment ended.
"There are very few drugs to treat type 1 diabetes, especially after disease onset, so this benefit, with a drug already proven to be safe and effective in cancer patients, is very promising," Jeffrey Bluestone of the University of California, San Francisco, said in a statement.
"The fact that the treated mice maintained normal blood glucose levels for some time after the drug treatment was stopped suggests that imatinib and sunitinib may be 'reprogramming' their immune systems in a permanent way," said Bluestone, whose research appears in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.
Type-1 diabetes affects an estimated 5 to 10 percent of the 20 million Americans with diabetes. Also called juvenile diabetes, it has different causes from the more common type-2 diabetes that is linked with obesity, poor diet and a lack of exercise.
Type 1 diabetes is an autoimmune disease caused by the destruction of insulin-producing cells in the pancreas.
Both Gleevec and Sutent inhibit tyrosine kinases, enzymes that are needed for cell communication and growth and are linked with inflammation and immunity.
Bluestone and colleagues wondered if these drugs could block some of the same tyrosine kinases involved in the development of type 1 diabetes.
They tested the drugs in mice predisposed to type 1 diabetes and found that the drugs kept the mice from developing diabetes.
They also tested them in mice with the disease and showed the drugs put the disease in remission in 80 percent of the animals after only eight to 10 weeks of treatment.
They said the drugs appear to block receptors of a tyrosine kinase not known to be involved in diabetes. This enzyme, known as platelet-derived growth factor receptor, or PDGFR, regulates cell growth and division, and also plays a key role in inflammation.
"This study opens up a new area of research in the field of type 1 diabetes, and importantly, opens up exciting opportunities for developing new therapies to treat this disease and other autoimmune diseases," Dr. Arthur Weiss of University of California, San Francisco, who worked on the research, said in a statement.
(Editing by Will Dunham and Eric Beech)

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Prayers Answered!

Last night I got a call about 4:00 saying our friends 21 mo little boy had just had a cattle gate dropped on him, so a third friend picked me up and we headed to the hospital! It was very scary for us, I can't imagine what they were going through, he had turned ghostly white and his breathing was off...he was gulping for air! After all the tests (x-rays and ct scans) we were told he's going to be ok, he has a large bruise on one lung and he's being watched for fluid build up but other than that, he's doing well! Our Prayers were definitely answered last night!

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Christmas Shopping and Good Friends...

I love Christmas shopping…it makes me happy, thinking of what I know about the receiver of the gift to find the most suiting gift possible. Last night I went shopping for a couple of my nieces and nephew…I know very little about them, I know their age and hair color, I know basics which are true about 85% of all girls or boys that age. The girls are both very mature for their age, love High School Musical and crafts…10 is a hard age, they’re right between too old for toys and too young for clothes/shoes/accessories, so I went (two good friends in tow) to ToysRUS and scoped out the goods, relying heavily on our limited facts and their experiences in their families…and what we found was good maybe not what their Mom and Dad would have chosen but good none-the-less. For H we got a H S Musical Mystery Date game, very fun and something all her friends would play too. For M we got a hair streaking kit, with 10 color choices, she can streak her hair for a party or just to play and then wash it out that night…I was going to get an airbrush tattoo kit for her but then my mom reminded me that my brother and his wife are REALLY against tattoos…so that may not have gone over so well! And for N (the only boy) – he’s 7 or 8 (not real sure) loves all things Army, video games, and Legos, a boy…way easy for me…either boys are easier or I just don’t have any girls – either way, I was so excited when I found the perfect gift that I didn’t even call my Mom to confirm, I just bought it and knew it was wonderful…on my way home I finally called my Mom to tell her about it…turns out it was the perfect gift…so perfect that my sister (his Mom) had actually already bought TWO for him! So, I will go exchange it for some military Lego set…one that I bought for my boys and now sits in my upstairs closet waiting to be needed…hm.

Friday, November 7, 2008


I don’t tithe. I wish I did, I wish I could. DH doesn’t believe in it. I do. I believe that if God can provide for me a good job (that pays for all of my needs) the least I can do is give back just 10% of what he has given me. So recently our interim pastor gave a very moving sermon on the value of our money, how it changes us, how it is a weed in the garden but how we can make it work for us. My Aunt Landa also told a story of a family that had to choose between the winter coat that their child wanted and tithing, they could get a different coat, but not the one he wanted. On Sunday they wrote their check and with tears in their eyes, they tithed. After church a friend stopped them and said they had a bag of practically new clothes for their son, her little man had outgrown them before he had a chance to wear them. Among the clothes was THE coat he wanted. It was exact and it was still new. So recently Todd agreed to up our giving, we nearly tripled our giving and fall just short of tithing. It’s upsetting to think of what we used to give and have the ability to give…I don’t see a difference in our finances after we upped our contribution. We still have enough for our bills, to live comfortably on and are still left with some to put away! The thing is, Todd’s pay has been half the usual amount, work has been slow and during that time we should have been strapped, we should have lost some of our savings and we should have wondered if we would make it financially, but we didn’t. Instead we paid $500 extra in medical bills, we paid extra on our credit card and we saved a little…we got a little nervous but every Friday I write two checks before I do anything. One to daycare and one to church, and with that I ask God to bless my family, my decisions and of course my wallet. I don’t worry…well I do but I don’t lose sleep over money, I know that if hard times hit, we aren’t ready but we serve God who isn’t surprised by any of this, and he has plans that are his own, not mine to know, but his. So every Friday, when that paycheck shows up in my account, it’s with a joyful, not fearful heart, that I write that check.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Household Rules!

Every house needs rules...if Nanny 911 and Super Nanny have taught us nothing else, it’s that a good set of rules, specifically designed for the family, will turn behavior around. Well, my family doesn’t necessarily have a behavior problem, in fact I have rather well behaved children. We’re past the terrible 2s and the even worse 3s and with 5 came a great new stage of development. The kids became low maintenance, and have developed into real people, with the capacity to have individual thought and their own unique personalities, both wonderful in their own right…but also with 5 came new challenges and because they are now capable of joking, teasing and arguing. None of these have ever been a problem…until recently.
Todd yells…I used to be quick to raise my voice until I realized that it wasn’t getting me anywhere and was only antagonizing the behavior…my DH while well intentioned, thinks that our children should mold to him and if his solution is to yell, they should respond appropriately, by doing as they are told. It doesn’t work, especially with Lane Michael. Lane responds really well to being given options. (I.e. if Lane is yelling about not eating his supper, I will lay out his options “Lane Michael, you can 1. Stop yelling, eat supper and not get into trouble, or 2. Continue yelling, get into trouble and then eat your supper. I would prefer if you stop yelling and eat your supper, it is the best option for you and eating would prevent you from getting into trouble. What are you going to do?”) Ethan responds to being told once and then if that doesn’t work, insisting he look us in the eye and listen to what we are telling him to do. But some how we had to stop the yelling that continued to plague our home. So, this week, Todd and I sat down together, worked up a set of rules that we feel will keep our family on track and then set up consequences to breaking said rules...we have seven family rules, all of which we have recently had a problem with. Last night we sat the boys down and went over the rules and consequences. Then we put them into practice. It was SO nice to be able to say “boys, you are breaking rule number 3. Stop it, if you don’t you will get a time out” There was no guess work, no questioning what would follow if they didn’t obey me…and no need to yell.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Holidays Approaching...

Ok, with all of the holidays among us, I thought I should reflect on our Christmas traditions, what we did in the years past and what we'll do this year, what we'll continue and what we'll start (I love traditions)!
1. party at Aunt Luanns (plus trick or treat in Cridersville)
2. trick or treat in Wapak with friends and family
3. decorate the house with orange lights for the orange light district competition

1. spend the day at Grandma Sweets with the Schwieterman family (everyone spends the week before Thanksgiving talking about a menu and then everyone always brings the same thing they've always brought and if anything changes, everyone complains very loudly)
2. celebrate Grandma's birthday at the Thanksgiving get together
3. everyone (all of the out of state livers) tries to make it to Grandma Sweets for Thanksgiving because not everyone makes it to Christmas

1. October 1st no one can shop for themselves...the boys cant spend their allowance on themselves and we can't buy anything that isn't a necessity
2. Black Friday shopping (we also go thru catalogs before then looking for the best deals)
3. Saturday following Thanksgiving and Black Friday is spent in pajamas watching Christmas movies the group includes Becca Bailey Eli Lane Ethan and me...we eat popcorn and snack all day long...we watch Christmas cartoons and classics, I look forward to it for months
4. starting Black Friday all I listen to is Christmas music!
5. we go to Missouri in the middle of December for a weekend to celebrate Christmas with the in-laws
6. Progressive dinner with the Schwieterman's...we have appetizers at one house, salad at the next, main course at the next, dessert at the next and end the night with a cookie exchange...we have a good time...we didn't do this last year but I would like to this year...even if it's with my friends instead of family...either way, it would be a blast!
7. Dec 24th we have a big candle lit dinner
8. after the candle lit dinner we spend the evening baking from scratch, we make cookies, breads, name it!
9. leave cookies out for Santa
10. the boys always shop for each other, they get each other one toy that they know they other will like...they also get us something, they pick it and are always horrible at keeping it a secret!
11. the kids all get Christmas PJs on Christmas Eve that they get to open...they're for good luck, my Mom buys them and ships them to the families she won't be with on Christmas Eve
12. Christmas Day is spent at Grandma Sweet's house, eating, playing games and just being together
13. We decorate the tree on the Sunday after Thanksgiving and invite my Mom over for dinner and to watch the kids decorate the tree
14. We read 'The Night Before Christmas' right before the boys go to bed on Christmas Eve
15. We talk about the real meaning of Christmas as often as possible without taking the fun out of Christmas

I'm sure there are more...I just can't think of them right now...what are your traditions?

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Fi$her Price

Taken from a friends blog!

"Okay, so this just proves how low people can go. Fisher-Price has a doll out called Little Mommy Cuddle and Coo. Well it coos and laughs and then it says "Islam is the light". How freakin nuts is that!!!! This is America right?? This isn't a Islamic nation or anything right?? Then why in the heck are their toys on our American shelves that says something supporting another country? Well I can tell you this, I won't be buying Fisher-Price!! What in the heck is happening to our country??I couldn't get the video onto my blog, but go to and type Little Mommy Cuddle and Coo."

Friday, October 31, 2008

Bad Day but Feeling Good!

Last night was trick-or-treat and walking with my cousin gave me a chance to talk to her about a referral we got for a little boy in Asia, he is 13 months old with Downs. We got the referral yesterday afternoon. Todd was very resistant but we have one week to give our answer, then he will go to a different agency. We have pictures, medical info and the "getting started" paper work. We decided to pray for a few days before giving an answer, we aren't really talking about it, monetarily it would take me just days to be ready, emotionally I am ready, my heart has been softening to downs lately, it is no longer scary for me, it's something my family and I could do...but...there are oh so many reasons not to accept the referral...and just one reason to take it...but the one reason to take Azar into our family is a big one, a good one, an important one. Then today we found out that the little girl we applied to adopt won't be ours, the agency narrowed the 300 applications down to 5 and we weren't among them. As long as she goes to a good home then I'm ok with it. The thing is that I'm at peace with all of this. it's exhausting and sad but I'm ok with all of it. It's been a rough day but I feel good about it.

Trick or Treat

Tuesday night was the Halloween party at my Aunt Luann's house, followed by trick or treating around Cridersville and then last night was trick or treat in Wapakoneta, my kids went out for both and we now have a house full of candy...aren't I a lucky girl. Last night my cousin told me about the candy her daughter got while t-or-t ing in Cridersville, and after getting home for the evening Pacey found a candy bar (full size) in her a good little six year old she asked her Mommy if she could eat the Sn*ickers bar...of course she could, eat one thing and then be done for the night. Afterwards Cathy picked up the wrapper to throw it away when something looked different about the wrapper...Sn*ickers....ENERGY BAR! Pacey had eaten an energy bar at 9:30 pm HOLY COW! She bounced off the furniture until 2 AM!! It was hysterical! She was like a bouncy ball that you can't get control of! Cathy of course wasn't nearly amused as I am but it was so funny! Moral of the story...check the Halloween candy!

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Scarlet Letter

Growing up, I used to sit under the arm of the couch and listen to my parents talking at the kitchen table...I vividly remember feeling very sneaky and knowing I shouldn't be there. I remember hearing from a very young age that I had two specific uncles maybe three that were cheating on my aunts. I remember thinking that they should divorce, that my cousins would be okay, if only my uncle would come home or my aunt would change the locks. Later in life, I had another uncle cheat, this time the whole family knew it, we all wanted him to come home and make things okay, be the man we expected him to be. Just come home. This shaped my mind, my thoughts, my feelings on adultery. It wasn't something women did, it was those icky men who would do anything for a piece! So when a wave of women (in my family) started straying, I was shocked to say the least! I didn't understand and everything I knew about adulterers was shaken and challenged! Starting with the most basic facts, gender and motive. I didn't get it, why would a woman cheat, why would she stray...women aren't driven by the same motives as a man...or are we? Are we missing something...each of us. And no matter what we aren't what would satisfy us? I have never bought anything stood back from my prized possessions and said "now I'm happy and will never need anything again" I've never had someone come into my life and known they were all I needed to be happy for the rest of my life (sorry Todd, not even you), I've never eaten anything that would sustain me for the rest of me life. But God...he sustains me. I will never need to go anywhere else for salvation, for answers, guidance, love and forgiveness. If I have everything stripped from me, my home, my family, my food, and my dignity, it doesn't matter. This is all so temporary...I used to say, I can do anything for a week....then it turned into two weeks, I could do anything for a year. But no...I can do anything for a lifetime because it's so short in the scheme of things, it's a blink of an eye and my happiness waits for me. I'm not saying that in a bad relationship you should stay because you can do anything, I'm saying that don't do it just because you're bored and when you have, don't wear your scarlet letter, I've done wrong in EVERY relationship I've ever had, so I won't throw stones, and neither should anyone else. Don't let people determine who you are based on one act. If you should, go home and try to make your family whole again, if the relationship wasn't healthy and died, then stop, step back, fix what happened, sever the ties that need severed and then move on, but don't wear your scarlet letter for all to see. That's between you and God.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008


Today has been two years. Two years since life was turned upside down. Two years since my little boy grew up, all in one day. Two years since life changed forever.

Monday, October 27, 2008

I have a confession.

I don't let too many people know this about me, so I'm letting you in. My secret is...I love holidays. I love everything about them, I love the smell, the sound, the anticipation and of course the taste! Every year we have traditions that we keep up and some years we make new traditions. Traditions keep the kids coming home, and are the memories we carry. I don't remember what I got for Christmas and when, but I do remember the special things, the traditions and knowing what we'd be doing, anticipating those special days. When I was growing up, we spent every holiday (EVERY HOLIDAY) at my Gramma Sweet's house, no one went out of town and no one planned much with their husbands families on those special days. We spent all day Thanksgiving, Easter and Christmas with my whole family. We'd eat and nap, play games, and talk, open gifts if there were any to open and just have a great day! My cousins and I are all very close, we're very active in each others lives, as active as we are with our siblings. It never mattered who we were with, it was like being with our own parents because they loved us all equally. Last year things changed up a little bit, my Dad was too sick to go to Thanksgiving for long and to Christmas at just Todd, the boys and I went. As adults and family in our own respect, we're still forming our own traditions, still deciding what we will continue to do in the coming years, what will keep our kids coming home. We have basics, the important stuff, but it's the little stuff too. It's waking up to a certain smell that screams "it's Christmas" going to bed with a certain thought in mind. For me, it's spending the night at Gramma Sweets house on Christmas night with my cousin Tim (my birth year twin - we all have one - another post) and maybe my brother. Now having kids of my own, I realize how special that time must have been for my parents to have that night, just for them, and how much it may have helped my Gramma not be too lonely on Christmas night. But alas, we have to figure out what works for us, and because my siblings are so inconsistent we can never count on them to do the same things twice for a holiday so none of our tradition can revolve around it revolves around the people who are a constant. And the things that I can count on. I love holidays for the constants, for the traditions and for the surprises.

Friday, October 24, 2008

Do I really want to start over?

Sometimes I doubt myself. Not my abilities or my capabilities, but my real desires. Do I really want to start at square one? Do I really want to go back to the beginning? I'm good at beginnings, but I struggle in the middle, I get "lazy" or complacent. So do I really want to start over? Do I really want one more person in my house to whine at me? Ask when supper will be? Hand money to every Friday night? And Monday morning? Do I want 3 more years of too little to do? Do I want to mess with the dynamics of four? Four is a good number, my friends stopped at four. Four is what the world is made of. A booth or table at a restaurant. A Disney land vacation package, for a family of four. Roller coasters were made for even numbers, not for five. The world was made for four. So why would we want to battle against all of that. Pay for one more, feed one more, clothe one more. Because my family isn't complete. Not because of my "idea" of a family but because of my idea of MY family. I went through phases in my life and for a short time in my early twenties I didn't want any children, but that's not me. For as long as I can remember I've been mesmerized by mega families. I've never wanted one for myself but I find them fascinating. I don't have the patience for more than 5 kids but am not opposed to as many as 5. Life, the economy, healthy and God will of course determine where we stop, but 3 is right for me. Todd goes back and forth, but for now, 3 is my number. Lane and Ethan will be nearly 7 when we have baby number 3...if we don't adopt. We will know in about a week if we'll be adopting, and if not, we will start TTC #3 in January.

I of course know that I already have 3 children, but we've done all for Braden that we can.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

A Couple of Firsts...

When you go away and leave your child
in the "capable" hands of your husband,
this is what happens...they get their first
lesson in shooting. Nice Todd, thanks.

P.S. This is not a picture of them actually
shooting. This is a picture of them after
they had already shot and were taking
pictures to commemorate the occasion.
He doesn't take pictures of the birthday
parties, or the milestones, but he wouldn't
dare forget the picture of their first time

First day of school, aren't they cute!

Girls Night Out Rocks!

So, our much needed girls night out was so much fun! We went, we ate, some of us drank, and I think we might have been the loudest group in the place! But that's ok because we also had the most fun! We have decided that we will make it monthly thing and I'm so glad we are! It was great to catch up with the girls...the conversations were different but nothing has changed! Maybe at some point we'll invite the guys for one of our Girls Nights...then again, maybe not!

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Botanicals Garden...

Ethan was sitting over a waterfall watching
the water turn white at the bottom

This was posed by Todd, he's
sitting on a log that's hanging
over a swamp of sorts

I think they were pooped at this point and
ready to go home...

could that face be any sweeter!?!?

So sweet it needs said thrice!

Hanging out on the dock, over looking a pond

This, believe it or not, is a natural shot
Todd and I came around a turn on a path
and found them being brotherly. They were
of course posing but we didn't set them up.
This is my favorite picture of them of all time!
They're precious and love each other, that's obvious!
Todd loved taking these pictures and we've decided he needs a decent camera, this one wouldn't allow him to zoom in far enough or take the quality of pictures that we want...I went shopping last night and found a camera that I like better, and will give the quality we want...there's also a high speed memory card so that we can take pictures faster...with small children it's hard to get the pictures when the camera takes FOREVER!

Looking close, who would ever guess these two are brothers...let alone twins!

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Girls Night Out and Halloween (edited)

Tonight for the first time in a long time I will be going out with the girls! You read that right, I'm going to dinner at the yummiest restaurant in town! Lock 16 here we come! YUM! I love Lock 16, we went there one night with the boys, we took Happy Meals for them because I was too new to Diabetes to figure Lane's meal, the manager met me at the door telling me he couldn't allow the extra food in the restaurant, I said Ok, and asked for all nutritional info for everything they serve, he some how saw it in his heart to let us in with Happy Meals and told us we were always welcome to bring our own food in, what a nice guy! They have a seafood platter that is fresh and yummy and more food than I could eat in one sitting...I think I'll order that! Heather and Sarah (friends all through high school) and I have recently reconnected and all need a night out! We also plan on going Christmas shopping together! I'm very excited! I've never actually gone shopping with someone!

Ok, and the Halloween edit...we went costume shopping last night and they both changed their minds...they don't want to be a ninja or a pirate...they instead, both want to be bloody doctors with bloody knives...yuck! LOL!! I'm hoping the littler cousins at the party and trick-or-treating won't be scared or grossed out by them! They're both very excited, Ethan had picked his pirate costume when Lane Michael decided on his costume and looked at Lane's costume with big longing eyes, and I asked if he was ok with a pirate...he wasn't so he switched over! They're little Dr. Kevorkian's! LOL!! What a fun year!

Monday, October 20, 2008


I love Halloween, well kind of. I love a lot of stuff about Halloween! I like the pumpkins and the costumes, the lights and decorations! I don't like the trick-or-treating for obvious reasons but I love the idea of it! I love the parties and the carving of pumpkins, the start of fall the brisk air, I love it! This year my kids are choosing (for the first time) non-character costumes! Yippee! Lane Michael wants to be a ninja and Ethan wants to be a skelaton pirate...I'm not sure how or where I will find this costume (other than the $30 one at Childrens Place) but I'm sure I can...I'm very excited! This week is costume week! I can't wait!

Three was Good Enough for Jesus.

Yes I know that the Wise men didn't show up the day after Jesus was born to shower him with gifts, I know he was closer to two years old by the time they got to him (give the guys a break, they were probably old and it was a really long trip), any way, they brought with them gifts for the Savior. Gold Frankincense and Myrrh. Three gifts...good enough for Jesus, good enough for my kids. Last year after reading "Twas the Night Before Christmas" and snuggling our little boys into their toddler beds, Todd and I headed down stairs to get Christmas ready, we wrapped gifts, assembled scooters and after hours of hard work and Christmas movies, we stood back and admired our work. It was beautiful, the tree glowed and the shiny paper twinkled in the dimly lit room. And I counted...17 gifts each, and thought to myself "is 17 enough?" it was a wake up call and a shameful moment of parenthood. I had become that parent, the one that materializes Christmas, the most sacred of days, equalled only by Easter, and I had made it into an excuse to give my kids toys. I had used it against them, to gain good behavior and in turn given them gifts...stuff they would never use and hadn't asked for. I was ashamed of myself. So, from this, we have learned and made some decisions regarding Christmas. From now on, each of our children will get three good gifts that they have asked for specifically. We will spend a set dollar amount and will stick to it. Instead of spending the morning opening 17 gifts, we will get up, get down stockings, go through them, have breakfast...each helping to prepare it, open gifts, listen to music and watch a Christmas movie or show and then we will take out time to do a Bible study, say a prayer of thanksgiving and wish Jesus a happy birthday. We will remember and instill the true meaning of Christmas. I'm so excited! This year, instead of buying anything I can think of that they might like, I will put thought into each gift, knowing that I have to make it count, I only have three slots, use them wisely. Now for anyone who thinks this is mean and/or cruel, please know that my children then get cash for their birthday (January 24) quickly followed by a trip to the toy store where they can choose anything we forgot or decided against, they love it and so do we!!

Friday, October 17, 2008

Top Ten Favorites

Lane and Ethan are both very different and unique, I have very vivid memories of each of them...they're as different now as they were when they were just moments old. When we found out we were having twins we were shocked...I wondered then what it was going to be like, and I often hear of twins having to strive for their own identity, but with the boys, we've never had a problem. So here is a list of my favorite memories from them as individuals

Lane Michael:
10. When Lane Michael was six months old, he was fitted for a helmet that would correct the shape of his skull, he never cried, even with this helmet on, he never knew/cared/cried.

9. Lane started singing when he was just a few months old, he would hum with whoever was holding him, or even just the radio, he loved/loves to sing.

8. When Lane Michael was three he wanted something for Christmas that sounded to us like "train" but two weeks before Christmas we took him to the eye doctor who asked what he wanted for Christmas Lane told him, the doctor turned towards me and said 'oh a transformer would be fun' THANK YOU DR FLECK we never would have guessed and it was the only thing he wanted and asked was also the only thing he played with!

7. Before Lane was diagnosed with diabetes, he would really struggle at meal times, so my Dad would take him to the shop and "work" until dinner was ready, it was the only way to calm Lane down for about a year before diagnosis.

6. When Lane was diagnosed, I walked into the PICU and there laid my three year old, so tiny in that big bed, he opened his eyes slowly, and said very soothingly "Mom, I have diadabetes"

5. My friend Rachel made the boys blankets to come to Ohio with, she sent them down with my Mom, Lane hasn't put his down went to Petersburg with us last weekend.

4. Lane started singing early but my all time favorite songs he sings are "Hey hey You you, I don't like your boyfriend" "Shot through the heart" and "I love you" which is shouting "I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I LOVE YOU" the last line is screamed. Precious.

3. Listening to Lane Michael say his prayers at night, he started when he was barely able to talk, now he says them like a pro!

2. Taking Lane to Cedar Point this summer...he's usually very cautious about what we do with them, but he rode and loved roller coasters and water slides, it was the best!

1. I went shopping with the boys when they were two, I was trying on jeans, and Lane said shocked and sympathetically "Mom those jeans make your butt look HUGE" LOL!!! My little shopping buddy!


10. When the boys were being treated for jaundice, they were under the Billy Ruben lights and Ethan got his little knees up under himself and scooted until he found Lane the nurse said that she could tell he'd be my bad one...not bad, just energetic

9. During my pregnancy Ethan had the hiccups was fun at first...but a little annoying after the first few months

8. When Ethan was 18 months old he was "helping" my Dad work out in the shop, I went out to get them for dinner and Ethan was in the door way dancing, he got so excited and was going to pick up both legs and fell right on his butt, it was cutest thing ever!

7. Ethan didn't sleep for the first six months of his life, I swear he didn't...I was exhausted, and he was not! GRR! LOL!!

6. When Ethan was about 20 mos old he took a real interest in playing ball, he could catch,, whatever! At 3 he could play ball with a 4 ft basket and at 4 he could play with a 6 ft basket...he's a TINY kid, so that's way smaller than the average 3 and 4 yr old.

5. At my Dad's funeral everyone was fine, holding it together, we all sat down, and just as the pastor started to speak Ethan let out the loudest sob ever, everyone started crying, we just needed him to get us started.

4. Ethan has the bluest eyes and the blackest hair. My aunt who's older than my Dad said she's never seen a kid look more like my Dad than Ethan. I love that about him

3. The first time I tried to give Lane Michael a shot, Ethan tackled me and screamed "that's my blother!!"

2. Ethan loves stuffed animals more than any kid I know. He carries them, plays with them and loves them. Strange for a boy!

1. Ethan truly believes he's part monkey, he can climb any tree you ask of him and will eat bananas just because they're monkey food!

Ok and because I can't resist, I'm going to list some of the best things about twins

They weren't identical but they still spoke their own language, the one that sticks out most in my mind was them called each other "Nonnie"

They held hands a lot for the first year!

They slept in the same crib for about the first year!

They love each other as much as I love them.

I can love them so much, so deeply and so independently from each other!