Monday, September 29, 2008

Three Posts in One!

Lane's Sugar Mystery Solved...Just Call Me PI!!
Ok, so Lane started going into the 500s last week...maybe two weeks ago, I changed insulin twice, I upped his insulin, took him to the doctor and have used every trick I know to get his sugar down...we've taken more late night baths and late night walks these past two weeks than in the last two years combined! Every night was filled with some kind of attack on his five year old body. He's cried and fussed (his sugar gives him an extreme PMS feel) he's handled it like a champ and then two nights ago when I pulled the needle from him little body I noticed something was different, there was no insulin on the end of the needle, there's usually a little drop of moisture, but not this time, so I dialed up another unit, sprayed it into the air but nothing insulin was getting thru...five needles later, I found a good one...Lane was only getting insulin about 80% of the time...I have two boxes of bad needles...we could have had a problem on our hands, if not for that little drop of moisture that now tells me so much!! Since then Lane's sugar has been dang near perfect!

What Self Reflection Gets You...or rather me.
I had a lot of "me" time last week. Being in Columbus without a cell phone charger meant that my time wasn't spent talking to everyone from home...usually I enjoy our phone calls but this week I needed "me" time so I was grateful to have it. I came to a lot of conclusions. And it all boils down to a few things that will be changing for me. I am a high maintenance person who has been hiding behind a low maintenance "mom" And mothering is all I've been doing. When Todd went to Iraq, I became a single parent, when he came home (because I am slightly OCD and maybe a little controlling) I remained a single parent...except then I started trying to change him into a man I thought he should be...and it wasn't him. It made him miserable which in turn made me miserable. So this week I've decided that I matter too. I insist on being spoiled...a little. I insist on going shopping, I'm tired of my wardrobe. That will change. I'm tired to being the only partner in my home. I am responsible for the happiness of two people, both of which are under 4 ft. So, I will become more high maintenance, I no longer want reasonable gifts, useful stuff for my kitchen, or the likes...instead I want shiny expensive things that come in small velvet boxes. I want shoes that are cute and that my veterans won't approve of, and I will stop carrying this tote, and go back to a purse...I don't need toys, crayons, movies, shot records and the occasional bottle of OJ in there...I have a car for that! Another change I will make is accepting my DH as he is. I have always struggled with this...we married fast and didn't know as much about each other as we could have...but it worked out and I wouldn't change I have to ask myself why have I been trying to change him. So Friday night we sat up talking about all of this (we are "feelings" kinds of people so this is a huge deal for us, and who knows how it will went well, we were able to say how we felt...I don't talk about feelings and usually think they get in the way of happiness but we needed this one). The next day something had changed for Todd, he was different and I don't know was a good change though...which leads me into my next post

Todd Cleaned House!!!
On Sunday after church, we came home and I told Todd he should take the boys fishing, a good Daddy/Sons day...I could tidy up, he could enjoy a day with his deal. He'd rather help me and we could spend the day together...*hesitant eye roll* ok, if you insist but it would go faster if you would just let me do it...and then my husband said something I've waited five and a half years to hear "Boys, you clean your bedroom and the basement, I'll get the upstairs bathroom, our bedroom, dining room and living room, and Bud you get the kitchen" that's right folks, on cleaning day, I did laundry and the kitchen...ONLY!! In an hour and a half my house was spotless! and the we headed to town where our boys spent half their allowance on a new toy, and then my men took me to the mall to look at jewelry and purses. I shopped until I was done looking...not until all three of them are yelling at each other and being uncontrollable! No, they were great, they held purses up for me to see, they pointed out shoes they liked and no one complained, it was a great day! And we needed it!

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Change is Hard...

What do you do when you realize you've lost a part of yourself, you've become a mother, and a wife, a daughter, a granddaughter and everything that is important and everything that you are revolves around them? I'm good at what I do...I always have been, no matter what I choose to do, I'm good at high school I decided to lose weight, I ended up very slender, beautiful and had an eating disorder. In the Army, that's who I was, I was a Soldier, nothing more, Soldier defined me. When I became a mother, it took over it matter what stage of life I am in, that's who I am...But the thing is, I don't know who I am. I don't know if I'm someone who appreciates long walks on the beach, I'm not witty and I'm ok with that, I'm a pleaser, I do things to please others...when I have down time, I clean, mainly because I have a set of twin five year olds, and a truck driving, weekend warrior husband and I'm a tad OCD. That's not good enough for me. I want to know what would please me...when I think of weekends, it involves playing cards with friends (not a negotiable keeps my sanity), church (also not negotiable) and cleaning. I don't think "this weekend we'll go to St. Louis" that was my parents. They would just go. Any where. We'd get off the bus from school and Mom would say "pack for four days, I've called the principle, we'll pick up your homework on the way out of town" and four or five days later we'd come home. My grandparents were partiers. They'd leave for an afternoon and come home to a party started, food cooking and who knows how many people. I'm neither of those. My mom, she's an artist, known for her work. She paints beautifully and that is beginning to define her. My grandma collects books, all kinds, she has a really, she does. My Dad was a "Jack of all trades and a master of ALL"...he never tried anything he didn't succeed at and if he spoke to you, you felt important. But again, none of this is me, I'm not good with my hands, I'm not overly intelligent, I'm not an artist, or any of those things. And in the past few years I've lost myself. I think I once knew, but I may have lost that person...I want to be happy again...but (this sounds stupid) I don't know if I have time. From the time I wake up, to the time I go to bed, I'm on the go, and none of it is stuff for me...or stuff I want to do. It's work. All of it. So, how do I find me? I think I may have left me in Europe. I love Europe. Someday soon, I'd like to find me again.

Lane Michael's New Independence...

This morning, I got up, took a shower and went to wake the boys to get them ready for school...just like every morning...except Lane wasn't in his bed...he wasn't in his bed fact I couldn't find him at all...he wasn't in the basement, or the living room, he wasn't out front on his bike...he was gone. I searched the house and was getting ready to call the police when I noticed his book bag was gone too. I ran outside, looked down the street...and there he sat, at the bus stop, waiting for the bus. Phew, He had gotten himself dressed and to the bus stop with his book bag and diabetes bag...I was so scared and it was so funny that I couldn't bring myself to punish him. We'll talk about it tonight before I leave for Columbus.

Then at 9:35 the school called...Lane's sugar was 318 and he has ketones...lots of them. They're the darkest possible...for those who aren't familiar with ketones, it's when the body has too much sugar and has to dump some of it comes out through the urine, if it gets too bad, he could end up in keto-acidosis (DKA) It's very dangerous and we can't take any risks...the school didn't know what to do with/for him, so they called me and sent him home. His sugar has been running high lately but this is out of hand. I called the doc but he's booked up all afternoon, but Ethan had an appointment at 3:30 so I cancelled Ethan's appointment and put Lane in there. So Lane has an appt to see if we can't figure out what's going on!

Monday, September 22, 2008

Yesterday morning, Todd left for a week...he's at drill and will be gone thru Friday. Last night, my dog got hit by a car and my five year olds witnessed the whole thing (he's alive). Today I get to work and have an e-mail waiting for me. It's from someone I loved. I knew him in the Army, we went thru AIT together, became very close, agreed we would someday marry. He went to Korea, I went to Germany. I was too young, and we broke up. One year later, he showed up in Germany, we wanted to pick up where we left off...I still wasn't ready. But I did love him. His mother hated me, I wasn't from Equador. I wasn't tiny and pretty. But now, I am doing well, loving my life and my husband. And he wrote to me. He said nothing. He didn't tell me anything. He's a father now. But only offered condolences for Braden and reminded me of the person I was when I was with him. A far cry from who I am now. I will disappoint him. He goes by his first name now. I knew him by his middle name. I thought I knew him well. Until our last night together. Our relationship ending night. I've missed him. Our friendship. We made great friends. My parents hated him. He is five years older than me, at 18 that's a lot of years. I wouldn't be who I am, if I had stayed with him. I didn't know he had me so shaken up, until I tried to write this post.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

What's In A Name...

In adopting thru Foster Care, one of the down sides is that your child comes with a name. Starting at 6 months a child knows their name. But what if it's a bad name with your last name, the child is old enough to know their name, but too young to understand their name being changed...what do you do? Pray that the name grows on you? Allow the child to keep this part of their old identity, the one thing birth mom did for them, that will last forever? Or bunker down and change the name...gradually of course. Slowly over a year, starting out by using it as a nick name, and choosing a name that is close but not exact...something you like, something you can live with and a name that will go well with your last name...We aren't sure what to do, if we adopt this child, who is older than 6 mos and too young to understand a name change, but we dislike her given do you decide? What are the big battles and what's not worth the hastle? What is traumatizing the baby for no good reason? I know how I would feel about changing the name of a friends child, but I'm just not sure how I feel about it. I'm confused and my DH wants to change the name...

Monday, September 15, 2008

We Applied for A...

A few months back, Lane Michael had a seizure. We were also losing my Dad during that time. We decided then that lil Ethan needed a healthy sibling. It was time to face facts, Lane wouldn't always be healthy, a seizure disorder and diabetes, the combination is scary to say the least. So, we decided then, we would take the fastest route to a healthy child. Someone my boys could go through life with as a sibling. We had previously decided we would take a handicapped child, and would, if we thought we could devote ourselves knowingly to a child who may otherwise be too much for a family. But Lane Michael is enough for me right now. So, we decided that if we are placed with a child, we will take that child and not get pregnant in early 2009, but if we are pregnant, we would not accept any placements at this time. Biological or not doesn't matter to us; this child doesn't need to have my eyes and Todd's nose to be my child. A little girl came up today for adoption one county over, we're applying to be her family. We'll call her A. She's healthy, and one year old. She is beautiful, with black curls that sit on top of her head, in big ringlets.

I am praying for her to have the life GOD intended for her, if she is to be my daughter, to please bring her into my family safely, and if not, lay GODs hands on her family, bless them and keep them. Surround them with mercy and love. But protect A, as she searches for her family, which is no small task, especially for a sweet baby!

Thursday, September 11, 2008

True Love...

I know that I don't speak of my job often, but it really is one of my true loves in life. I love what I do, the people I work with, and even my office. I work as an advocate for veterans, fighting to get veterans the maximum benefits they have EARNED through the's a constant battle with someone, for someone. I believe in what I do. Some of our service members come home beaten, some broken and others don't come home at all...that's when I'm fighting with/for a widow. Whether my client is 22 with a little one at home or 84 with grown children, they're MY clients and I love them. Their drama entertains me, their stories shock me, but their lives affect me. I've been lied to, threatened, cussed at and hugged. People who need an ear come and sit in my office for hours on end. I work and they talk. Each of my clients is more than a number, they're a person with a family, with responsibilities and a need. When they leave my office, I know them. I meet their children, get colored pictures from the kids, invited to family BBQs and sometimes take care of their children as they come home as veterans. They've made me a part of the community, and I love it. I've been offered a few jobs since I took them, big jobs, presitious with good benefits and pay. But this is my true love. My job, my community, my veterans.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Doctor or Midwife

When I was talking to my cousin (a.k.a. baby guru) I told her the things I'd like to see in a birth plan...she said that it sounds like I want a midwife. And in a sense, she's right...I want someone who won't yell at me and someone who will let everything happen very naturally, but I also want someone who will have drugs ready for me when I wuss out...originally I didn't want to go past 38 weeks because if Braden had come at 38 weeks, he would have lived...but now I don't want to take that kind of chance of delivering before the baby is I don't want to be induced, and I want someone who's kind of hands-off...but again, I want someone with medical school behind them and drugs if I need/want them...I don't want to be cut...I've torn for all three births and would prefer to niece had her first 10 weeks before I had my first and I was up moving and running before she was...of course I was also in the Army and at the top of my game when I got pregnant, so I know that would help my recovery...but 10 weeks!! WOW! But either way Midwife or OB I'm not going to get EVERYTHING I want in a baby catcher so I guess I'll just have to compare and pick...

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

I'm Exhausted...and It's Only Tuesday!

I love that my husband is able to have a good steady job that provides for our family. He makes good money and is great at what he does. But we don't see him. Monday, I worked all day and the boys were in school, after that we went straight home for an early dinner, homework and we were off to the pool. We swam for two hours and then jumped in the we were leaving the pool at 8:00, Todd finally pulled up, we stood outside talking for five minutes and decided that since the boys had done so well at school that day, we would go to McD's for bed snack. As soon as we got home, the boys worked to get the trash to the road. We had the boys in bed before 9 and Todd went to bed with them. I had barely enough energy to clean the kitchen from dinner...and even then, did a sub-standard job! Tonight I will get off work and take the boys straight to the pool, after that we'll head to my mom's house for dinner, homework and a little play time...but where, you ask, is Todd? He will not be home tonight...he will be sleeping in his truck. I feel like a single mom with the extra work of a husband to clean up after, shop for, wash clothes for, and cook for. Don't get me wrong, when he's around he tries to be an exceptional partner, and father...he's just not around. So, where is the balance, how does he balance his time at work and his time at home? How does he take an evening off and not be too tired to take a walk or go swimming with us?

Monday, September 8, 2008


When I was a kid, my favorite holiday was Halloween...there were costumes and haunted houses, but the candy, oh the candy!! It was wonderful! All my cousins would go trick-or-treating with us, Lisa, Leah, Scott, Jim, Rebecca, Tim and of course my brother Lou. We would all get dressed up, and go trick or treating in at least two towns. Buckland and Cridersville, sometimes Lima. We were loaded with enough candy to get us through until Christmas! Yum! Then when I was too old to go trick-or-treating, I was in charge of taking my little cousins and her friends, it was fun and I got to continue "trick-or-treating." Then when I had kids, it was never more fun! For the boys first Halloween, the boys were 9 months, my cousin Rebecca and I made their costumes, Lane was a race car driver (he was wearing a helmet to correct the shape of his skull at the time), and Ethan was a clown...we didn't go trick-or-treating in towns but we went to each of my families houses, we got things like toys, bananas and "Sm0re" ornaments (Sm0res that are dressed up in costumes). The next year my Aunt Luann had a Halloween party for all the kids in the family, so the boys went trick-or-treating for the first time in Cridersville, Lane was a horse and Ethan a lion. They were TOO CUTE!! The next year was the Harry Potter craze! Lane was Ron and Ethan was Harry, my Mom made the scarves, Todd the wands and I made their robes. They were adorable and shockingly recognizable! Then next year Lane was Batman and Ethan was Spiderman, again cute. We went trick-or-treating with Rachel (my best friend of high school) on the 28th in Spencerville and were scheduled to go trick-or-treating and to another of Aunt Luann's Halloween parties on the 30th. but on the 29th, Todd took Lane to the doctors. I sent them that morning with strict instructions to have him checked for Diabetes, upon being tested Lane was whisked to the hospital for blood sugar levels of 700!! Normal is between 70-120. Lane was 3 years and 9 mos the day he was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes. My baby laid in a bed for 7 days, trying to get stabilized...he missed the Halloween party and Halloween hasn't been fun since then. Last year Lane went trick-or-treating and at the end of the night my Aunt Luann traded him all of his candy for toys, and a game. He is loved. But Halloween still sucks. He eats one piece of candy. This year we are Walking for a Cure on October 4th. We will be sponsored and try to raise money to help find a cure. I believe Lane will be cured in his lifetime. Someday he'll enjoy Halloween! Until then, he's my hero! If you are interested in sponsoring Lane and his family in Walking for a Cure, please contact me by e-mailing me at or come out and walk with us!

Disclaimer - - yes I know that with insulin could have candy but it makes him stomach hurt and his numbers go crazy high and then plummet, please do not e-mail me, telling me that my child could have all the candy he wants.

Friday, September 5, 2008


Ok, I'm not a "things" kind of girl. I'm simple and easy to please (my husband refuses to put our bed on a frame and I haven't killed him- proving that I don't insist on having all the "things") I live in a beautiful home with three bedrooms, a finished basement, formal dining room and a nice sized kitchen, nice sun porch off the back, but we didn't live in such a nice home two years ago. Two years ago we were living in an old farm house with orange shag carpet, and hand me down furniture. We didn't go into debt furnishing our home, we used hand-me-downs or just paid cash. But the one thing I've wanted, really coveted since we got married was new dishes. I seldom ask my DH for anything...he's our "things" person. He has a four-wheeler, a new Blazer, and every tool known to man (with the exception of a cutting torch and welder - -maybe Christmas), but me, I pick up a new purse and think of all the better ways I could spend $95. So, when L0ngaberger made a HUGE faux pas in their catalog, I jumped at the chance to get my new dishes...which happen to match my kitchen...I will get two sets (serving for 8) for less than half the price. I sold over $350 and therefore got a serving set of 4 for free and because I had a party I got a half price item, so I got a second set of dishes for half the $190 making my total purchase $95.00 for these beautiful pottery dishes (dinner plate, soup/salad bowl and coffee mug for 8 people)...if you want to see my new dishes follow this link
they are the classic blue may have to play with the website a little to find it...but they're worth it to me. Some people will say that with small kids in the house, I should wait until they're older...why? I plan on feeding my kids meals on the old C0rel that I've had for years, the green know, the pattern your grandmother had while raising her kids! I love these, they're dependable...they're like the jeans that fit my body perfectly and the Longaberger are the new jeans I didn't try on but are still ok...I'm so excited to finally own my dishes...they aren't here yet...nor are they paid for...but soon, very soon! I have a mixing bowl and the butter dish too...I also happen to know my mom got me a couple of peices for Christmas! Yippee!! It doesn't get any better than getting what you want after 5 years of waiting for it!

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Knowing the Gender

I don't want to know the gender of our next baby...We have clothes, and crib sets for either gender...So why find out...except that my husband wants to know. So he will, and I will not. We will not shop for baby together, he will set up the nursery with the door closed and we will decide names before birthday, and after Baby Skaggs is born, he will proudly announce to me that the baby is a ___________. And introduce to me our precious addition. I will carry our baby and he will introduce him/her to me. I will nickname the baby Joey, because it's cute and it's not a name option, so it's not like it will give away the gender, my mom doesn't want to know either, but people can choose to know...or not. Kids will not be told, and if they are they will be told not to tell me...which would be hard for a kid which is why I don't want kids to know (and I will be disappointed if someone leaks), I'm hoping jump on board and have fun with this, whichever side of the coin they're on...I'm thinking of wearing a button to family gatherings that says "I don't know, don't want to, if you do, ask Todd but keep it to yourself" Or something along those lines...I might even have a maternity shirt made up saying that...and wear it often. The only way this will change for me is if we're having twins...I want to know what twins are so that I could plan appropriately! teeheehee this will be fun!

Got The Go Ahead!

Last night my doctor's office called me and said that my hormone levels have improved, and that I now have the go ahead to get pregnant! So I sat down with my boss and asked him when it would be a good time for me to take maternity leave, assuming of course I get a say in the matter...Todd and I would like a fall baby...after September but before we're working with a limited window...of course we'll take anytime but that's the window we're looking at. So, we're looking at getting pregnant in January or February...we might try for March but we'll see how things work out! I don't think we'll get pregnant on the first try so we might go without protection in December...but we're also SUPER fertile...I don't think we got pregnant on the first try with Braden, but this time I'll know more because I will have to track everything all the time so that my thyroid levels can be checked IMMEDIATELY! So I'll have to know as soon as possible if I'm pregnant...this is scary...If we don't get tested soon enough, we run the risk of losing the baby or having brain damage. I've started my prenatals and folic acid...but I'm not great about taking it yet...

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Green Yellow Red Black

In school, kids are given a light system, Green is for a good day, Yellow for a decent day, Red for a bad day and Black for a horrible day. To date (knock on wood) Lane has been all green all the time. Which is a huge accomplishment, he's thriving, they're challenging him and he's living up to it! Ethan had four greens, three reds and two yellows. Last week we got a letter saying that if Ethan's behavior didn't improve, he would have to talk to the principal, but it did, the next day was a green day. But this week he's only had yellows so far. I am at a loss for what to do. My cousin who is a teacher says to celebrate green days (fill the living room with green balloons, eat green foods, and take a green bath), ignore yellow days, because while they weren't great, they weren't horrible either, and on red days he's in trouble. I'm noticing a lot of struggles with him. I think he needs more attention, he has a brother who is diabetic and two working parents, my husband is rarely home in the evening, so lots of evening chores fall to me, leaving little time to watch him ride bikes or show me how good at the monkey bars he is. I don't know what to do for my little boy, I asked his teacher if she thought it could be ADHD, and she said that he's showing a lot of the signs and symptoms but that she thinks with behavior therapy, he may never need medication, which is good because I don't think I would medicate...lots of activity, change his diet and do lots of behavior therapy, but no medication...I just can't bring myself to do it. I believe Ethan will be successful, but he may need more one on one attention than I originally expected. He's always been so low maintenance that I regrettably never insisted on one-on-one. As twins, the boys have always been very independent...maybe I made a mistake in not insisting on more one-on-one with them. Lane is very high maintenance, so a lot of energy is spent, whether we're dealing with diabetes or calming a temper tantrum. Does anyone have any suggestions on what to do to help Ethan pay attention in school? Sit still? Listen to his teacher? Anyone think he may have just needed an extra year of maturing before throwing him into Kindergarten? My poor baby is really struggling and I don't know what to do for him...