Friday, February 29, 2008

The Results are IN!!!

This Ladies and Gentlemen is my perfect son. He has clean urine! His kidney(s) are not shutting down and if he's small then he's small but so looks like he's eating to many bananas and high potassium foods! I can always handle eliminating some of those foods as long as my little beautiful healthy sweet boy is ok! It's funny, when Lane was diagnosed, I knew what was coming. I knew it was coming on for some time it was like mothers instincts had kicked in and I knew he would be diagnosed with diabetes that day...and it was ok because I sent Todd and Lane to town that morning specifically to test for diabetes and when they did it would be positive and life would change forever, but Ethan was different...I didn't know...I couldn't research anything or ask any questions because I didn't know what to ask or research. So I just had to wait...and wait...if he has a problem with his thyroid...well in this family who doesn't...I can do thyroid...but I'm releived and happy and ready to take on anything else that might be thrown at us...and this is really random and a bit all over the place...sorry!

This doesn't even look like Ethan...

Ethan doesn't even usually look like this. I had to look a few times to figure out this is Ethan! In fact it looks so different that I had to print it off the cameria to make sure it is him! I don't know if it was the hair or the funny faces...even though these are all new normal looks for just doesn't look like him!

Thursday, February 28, 2008

It can always get worse!

It can...I promise! Last night my grandma took a care flight to Columbus for emergency surgery, there's a tear in her aorta that runs from the inside of her heart clear to her kidney...yep. But once she was there, they decided that because of the location of the tear they wouldn't do surgery, they have a medication that they can try to use to close the tear...which is very good news. My poor Grandma Sweet is in so much pain!

In other news, I was so happy with Ethan's test results...but it turns out that high potassium has the potential to be oh so bad! He could have diabetes or worse yet kidney failure! The males in my family have kidney dad and some of the other males in the family were born with just one kidney...very bad if we're faced with kidney failure! But as of right now he's ok! I'm scared for my little man but I'm sure he'll be fine...right?

Wednesday, February 27, 2008


Sanoi 's lung is no longer collapsed...I didn't know it was in the first place...the doc said they have done everything they can for now and the rest is up to little Sanoi...that's a lot of responsibility for such a little one!

My Grandma Sweet did have a heart attack...she's stable but feeling pretty bad! We don't know much more than that but prayers are always appreciated!

The Good the Bad and the Beautiful

THE GOOD : Ethan had blood work done Monday morning to check his for Juvenile Thyroid Disease (not sure what this is exactly but I think it has something to do with his growth). So last night when I got home I had a message from the doctor's office telling me to call them ASAP! Well by the time I got the message, it was too late and they were closed, so this morning I called them first thing and his results are back. They came back...different from what we expected...I figured that he was fine and just smaller than normal kids, or he has full blown thyroid disease and will need medication and maybe someday surgery...nope...none of this...his pattasium levels are high...not through the roof...just high...cut down his banannas...what a strange thing...I figured Ethan could always have a bananna...they're good for mom always calls them the brain food...and pushes them on everyone who walks in the door " Hi, I'm Laura, this is Lou. You're here to sell a vaccuum? would you like a bananna before we get started? No? Are you sure? They are brain food!" Ok, so it was a little exaggerated but pretty darn close! So we have to cut out the pottasium infested foods and go back in one month for another blood draw to see if this is an ongoing thing...who knew there really is a such thing as too much of a good thing!

The Bad : My Grandma Sweet was just taken to the hospital by ambulence...we aren't sure what's going on, the pain is in her heart/lungs/stomach...and they can't find the source...I don't know much more than that...I'll keep you posted!

The Beautiful...and Scary : My new Neice Sanoi...I posted earlier about her...born at 30 weeks on 2/13/08 weighing just 3.5 lbs...She was taken off the majority of her machines and was doing well until last night...she has pneumonia and her heart and lungs won't stay in sink with each other...the doctor says she has taken a turn for the worse...I'm not sure what all of this means but I love this little girl dearly! She is tiny and helpless and I love her. Her family loves her.

Please pray for all three as we go through all of this with unsure footing! Please pray for the doctors and the nurses, the family members and for healing, no matter what God's plan has in store for us.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

why you shouldn't pay off the van...

Back in January, I got a check large enough to pay off my van...yup, 3 years early. I was so proud of myself! I love the financial freedom of only having one vehicle payment! So I was all sorts of psyched up about our savings account growing with that additional $300.00 a month! Yippee! But then this month, the day the van payment would have been due (ironic? yes) I put my window down just half way to clean the snow off and to my dismay the window won't go the shop my van goes! They happened to have two cancellations down for that day, while I had it in I might as well have the oil changed and the tires rotated. That afternoon the shop calls me and they can't get my part for my window in until Monday...and by the way, you NEED new tires...mechanic won't release it for the weekend unless you promise to take the van home and park it for the majority of the weekend...ok, no problem...I took the van back in on Monday morning and planned to pick it up that afternoon. I arrived about 5:00 p.m. and walk in...the mechanic sees me and turns three shades of green...'I hate to tell you but you need new breaks' LOL! I'll be back in the shop this time next month getting new breaks...he said that they aren't grinding yet...last night on the way home from Bible study they started grinding! Yuck! So the moral of the story is, it costs more to pay off your van then to keep making that monthly payment! Or better to have not had a vehicle payment on top of all of this happening! God was obviously looking out for me on this one!

Saturday, February 23, 2008

Oh so uncomfortable

disclaimer: this post has graphic material and will not be suitable for children and some adults.

If I could skip one thing in all of the would have been today. No I didn't like being so nervous I was sick over the homestudy, No I don't like the hoops we've jumped through, No I didn't like giving up my time off and many many lunch hours to get paper work and meetings and appointments done...but I would rather do all of that...some of it twice before I would want to do the class we was the sexual abuse class. I don't mind learning about the abuse and what we'll be dealing with...I don't mind talking publicly about very graphic acts...what worries me is that children have had to endure this...the class exists because children are sexually abused! We had to talk about things these children have been through, about things these children do because of the abuse and things these children will talk about...all because some sicko took this child's innocence! I think talking openly the men were even more uncomfortable than the women. Women tend to watch more Oprah or Dr Phil who will talk about these issues, so they are maybe more comfortable with the subjects...not that it was in ANY way shape or form comfortable but still maybe more comfortable then the men! Poor guys!

Friday, February 22, 2008

red and yellow black and white...

they are precious in his sight (you know the words, sing along) Jesus loves the little children of the world. So to protect the identity of the person I am writing this about I will call them 'J'. A little background before we begin. I am from Spencerville and yes it is as country as it sounds, I recently moved to Wapakoneta...Wapak is a small town in the middle of a small county...we are (to put it nicely) sheltered. When I went to the Army (4 months after my 18th birthday) I had never really met or interacted with any black people. So to say that life in the Army (7 black room mates first day there) was a culture shock is an understatement, but now I get it. People of minority aren't people to be intimidated by or cautious around...they're people. So today I was talking to J and they said that a week ago they really struggled with the idea of having a non-white relative, they knew they could love them, but to introduce them to others would be difficult for this person. Well we were looking at pictures a few days back and there was a very dark skinned little girl on the website...she's happy and beautiful and her little mouth is just has pink and perfect as can be...after seeing her, J now knows, that they can do family is far from racist but we are sheltered...but we are also loving... I don't want to change any ones opinion of my family, any one who knows us knows that we will take all and love them like our own, but we've also never had an adoption in the family...and no one has ever really married outside of our pasty whiteness. So I would like to publicly say that I appreciate S for changing J's mind.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

never ending!

Ok, so for those who don't know I'll give them time table of the never ending DRAMA in my life:
10/06 - husband laid off from great job
10/06 - Lane diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes at age 3
11/06 - father in law diagnosed with progressive MS
12/06 - sister and fiance (good guy) break up...on Christmas day!
01/07 - our baby Braden was still born
03/07 - my dad diagnosed with cancer
06/07 - dad has cancer surgery - now has cancer in liver and lungs
09/07 - I'm diagnosed with thyroid tumors
11/07 - I have thyroid removed - 12+ tumors and no cancer (happy dance here)
1/08 - my dad's scan shows more cancer - inopperable
2/08 - dad starts very aggressive and miserable chemo

and today...we find out Ethan may have juvenile thyroid disease! He has to have blood work done and then he'll have a bone scan to see if his bones are as old as he is...hopefully he's just small like his daddy...but his daddy was a big guy at this age...I come from a big family...we're big why is little Ethan only in the 10th % for his age...I know God is taking care of him but maybe this is God's way of making sure he gets the attention every kid needs... I don't know. We aren't putting off the adoption until we find out how serious this is...if it's just a daily medication then it's no problem but if it's something more then we may not be able to...that would break my heart...I want this baby so bad but I need for my kids to have all the attention they need. I have to be level headed and make the best decision for my whole family! And I have to remember that I can only divide my time so far...maybe Todd does need to come off the road if this turns into something serious....But for now we're thinking positive! I'm sure he'll be fine!

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

5 weeks from today

Five weeks from now we could potentially be adoption ready! We had our final home study on Friday 2/15/08, and we passed...we have a few things left to take care of but otherwise we are DONE! The boys still need physicals, they need our family photo, and the dogs rabies certificate, we still have two classes to complete! The boys have doctor appointments coming up tomorrow, we've got the family photo on the table ready to be faxed over any time now, the rabie certificate can be picked up any time and the classes end on 3/1/08! We are home potentially we could have a baby sleeping in our waiting nursery in, count them, FIVE WEEKS! I have butterflies just thinking of this! I'm not nervous, just excited! I want my child to fit our family. We aren't always happy and we don't always agree on everything, we're all strong willed and aren't the kind of people to let everyone else have thier way...because sometimes we like to have our way...but we always love each other...we aren't the Jones' and don't strive to be...but man we have fun! Maybe to some people she won't be perfect but she'll be ours and just like our boys that will make her perfect to us! Any one in Ohio interested in Adoption, Adopt Ohio is a wonderful program and affordable...I love love love my case worker...she's wonderful and caring...and a lot like someone I would have in a good friend...but I'm not a very good friend to other's not one of my strengths...which is sad because I have so many good friends...I wish I were a better friend...Rebecca, Sarah, Nicki, Heather, Melissa, Rachel, Hollie and Laura are always really good to me and are always encouraging and good good friends...I'm just not good at that something you can change about yourself? If I'm motivated to be a good friend, and I have good friends (all ingredients necessary to be a good friend) then can I be that good friend to others like I want to mom had 3 sisters (4 girls born within 3.5 years) so she always had sisters and therefore no friends...I don't have any sisters that I have the potential to be friends with but I have friends that have great potential but I don't know how to have friends because with us it was all about family...I should research how to be a better friend...

Saturday, February 16, 2008

blessed are we to have the mothers in the community!!

My boys were invited to a birthday party this afternoon and as I hadn't seen my parents much this week, I considered just skipping the whole thing. I had so much to do today, get mattresses for the boys beds, get my sister her crib and changing table, and shop for sheets and curtains. I just didn't think I had time for the gift shopping, party, cake, opening presents, and a clown to boot (3 hours easy). I didn't know the parents so it's not like I could drop them off for those three hours for some much needed kid-free time. So, we got up this morning and immediately got the mattresses picked up (most important part since they were selling out fast). As we were driving to go pick them up I was thinking about a party I went to as a kid, lots of girls were invited and I was the only one to was a lot of fun but I couldn't shake the thought that she would have spent the afternoon alone with cake and goody bags if my mom had been to lazy to get me there. So I called the little boys mom and RSVP'd (a little late mind you but in time for her to prepare). As we pulled up, I noticed the clown hadn't come and another friend from school was leaving. When I met the birthday boy, he wasn't at all what I expected, I have five year olds and he was turning 3...and so the party began, plenty of family came and a few young cousins but mostly adults. Soon the clown showed up and was going through her bag of tricks, I noticed as the young audience sat entranced by a clown (quickly losing their interest) that my boys, and one other girl were the only kids from school. They had rented a clown for their kids and three the act went on the clown started giving out candy and I don't feed my kids candy (Lane's sugar is hard enough to control without the extra carbs to figure) so I asked them to not take any candy from the clown and I would get them a treat later...the act seemed to last forever and soon I noticed that Birthday Boys Mom was taking off her jacket, she had two Wal Mart bags at her feet...sugar free candy. Let me summarize what great act of love, empathy and generosity I have just witnessed, a mother left her three year olds birthday party for probably a good 30 minutes to make sure one boy, one diabetic for one afternoon feel normal and accepted and hopefully he'll never know that he didn't get all the same candy as every one else...she also offered to learn how to do afternoon snack so that he can come over for play dates. I truly am blessed to live in this community, the people are loving and generous...and they don't push us under the rug so as not to deal with our situation, they face it head on with a willingness to accept, learn and love...I hear so often of mothers saddened for their children who are avoided because of diabetes, mine is embraced. I am blessed.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

How do I know I have five year olds?

Because last night my cousin and I put up the boys bedroom border, and this weekend they will move from toddler beds into twin beds! *uncontrolable sobbing* they now can stretch and wiggle and sleep in super comfy beds! and for those of you who said that thier five year olds wouldn't fit on a toddler bed at 3, allow me to remind you that I have very small five year olds! Ethan is 41 1/2" tall and Lane is 43" tall. We always thought that Ethan took after Todd my husband who is 5'8") and Lane after me (6') but as it turns out they are both short compared to the kids in their classes! Lane is shorter than all the kids but to look at him you wouldn't know it, and Ethan is shortest and looks more life the 3 year old class...but still they are moving into big boy beds and it is a sad week as we transition ourselves...I dont think my husband has even noticed that anything is different!

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

My beautiful new niece!

At 5:00 this morning I got a call from my sister...I couldn't understand a word she was saying, finally she yelled SANOI! I sat straight up! "Heather I am on my way!" So I threw on the first clothes I could find and headed to the hospital! At 6:30 A.M. my new niece was born, weighing in at 3 lbs 8 oz and 15" long! This is the first time I've ever been at the hospital for any child other than my own! I got to see her within an hour (or two) of her birth and I was the second person (her Daddy was first) to touch her! She's beautiful! And I love her! She came too early...10 weeks early and they aren't ready for her but we'll get them there...she won't come home until closer to her due date...April 17th...I'm tired but I'm so happy that her and her Mom are doing well!

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Life Book Ideas...

Sending out a plea for ideas...we are making a Life book to present to any potential birth mom's and the cousin who is super crafty, has it all planned out in her head but I really struggle with this because this small little book is supposed to tell people all about us, our family and may make the difference in getting our girl. So, I'm looking for ideas, what works, what doesn't...what you would want to know/see. We want to do a bio of the four of us...beyond that I'm not sure...Any suggestions?

Monday, February 11, 2008

Little Ethan...

I often talk about Lane, Braden and the upcoming, much anticipated Baby. But Ethan so often falls in the cracks. He is my good and easy child. Easy to raise, easy to talk to and easy to discipline. When Ethan was a baby he was born at 4 lbs 9 oz, he didn't cry, he didn't sleep but he didn't cry either. He just looked at us...with those BIG blue eyes that said so unwavingly 'I trust you.' Those eyes still say that...he is trusting. But yesterday he made me want to PULL MY HAIR OUT!! He was up and down and was breaking things and measuring things and he was a scientist and a bird watcher and a soldier...this would have been fine if it hadn't all happened in 20 minutes with the cycle starting over as soon as it ended! but then he does or says something that reminds me that he is such a sweet and loving child...he was being a bird watcher (at 4 degrees there were no birds to watch) so he was sitting on the back of the couch looking out the window for the birds and there just were none so he started calling them 'here boudie boudie boudie, here boudie boudie boudie' there are times when I doubt I have calculated their birthdays wrong and he's not a five year old but just my little two year old...he's the size of many two year olds...he's 41 1/2 in tall and 35 lbs. He and his cousin (she's 2.5 yrs old) wear the same size show 9.5 but I promise, he is the full 5 years that I fear he is...and I am reminded of that every time he struggles with wanting to kiss me good-bye and not wanting to in fear of looking like a wimp or a baby infront of his friends at school. (sniff)

Sunday, February 10, 2008

Posing a question

At class yesterday we learned a lot about foster care. My husband and I have always said that I could never EVER give a baby or a child back to a home that doesn't deserve them...but being one that believes in stereotypes...I'm close minded and stubborn but I'm learning so much. So often these women aren't the enemy...they aren't bad people and often they're just parenting the way they were taught. So if they can learn to be good mommies why wouldn't I want her to often in these situations birth families can be the best place for these kids...if the parents can pull it together and learn new ways of coping! That being said, my heart will break for any child I'm forced to send home...We also heard a woman speak who had been in foster care as a child, aged out of the system and later became a successful woman with a good husband, and in the spirit of pay it forward, decided to be foster parents. Soon after they started they adopted their daughter, later they got the call that her bio sister was up for adoption and they were offered first chance to adopt her. Which poses the question. When we adopt our daughter...and later down the road she has a bio-sibling, what would we do...brothers and sisters belong together...I as a mother wouldn't want my children seperated...and she will be my child...I haven't spoken to my husband about this but there is the what if...and it's a big one. I know that every case is a case by case many times does a mommies time divide...there's always enough love but not always enough time. Lane has medical needs that can't be second many first priorities can there be. I know that families have multiple children with multiple medical needs but I work full time and I will always work full time...So the question again...what if our baby...our little girl has a brother or a sister...we would take twins and depending on the situation would consider an older sibling (not older than 2 or 3) but older...we love our children and want what is best for them it best to leave the added responsibilities and stresses of an added baby to someone who may not get the chance to parent that child...or any child for that matte...I know that I'm getting ahead of myself but we have to be prepared for the possibility of this happening! I wouldn't want my kids split up for any reason...but my kids aren't in care...but I want all the same things for my daughter that I want for my boys...I don't want her to be seperated from her siblings either...just posing a question!

Friday, February 8, 2008

What Led Us to Adopt...

Todd and I have two beautiful children...two boys, they're the light of my life and I don't know what I would do without them...they're my biological January, 2007 we lost our little Angel Baby Braden, in fall of 2007 I went to the doctor, where she discovered I have multiple thyroid November 2007 I had surgery on my thyroid, during which the doctor made the final decision (based on my wishes) that he would have to remove my entire thyroid (the thyroid gland was peppered with nodules - two being the size of bouncy balls). In December 2007 a young pregnant mother decided to give her daughter up for adoption. When Todd heard about this he set up a meeting with her (we had always talked about adopting), that night we met at the China Wok here in Wapak, we talked, asked questions, and bonded. That night I asked if she had chosen an agency to go through, she said that she didn't and wouldn't choose one until we made the decision if we wanted to adopt her baby. We hugged and went our seperate ways...I talked to her three weeks later, after I had secured us each a good lawyer, and looked into the financial side of things...she had signed up with an agency. After that, my husband and I decided to look into getting pregnant again. We read the books and looked at what the internet had to say...basically thyroid problems cause miscarriage, stillbirth and mental retardation...after losing Braden those weren't risks I was willing to take. So Todd and I talked again about adopting...we wanted to do what is best for our we also prayed about it...we got advice from our friends and family, we asked our pastor to pray for/with us and in the end we decided to adopt. I through myself into it. I researched all the different routes of adoption and all had great benefits, but only one seemed right for us. So I objectively laid it all out for Todd, I showed him all the risks, the costs and the benefits of International, Domestic and Foster Adoption. In the end, we both felt the same way...Foster/Adopt was for us. We started to process immediately and everything has gone so's a lot of work...more work than the other two routes because we not only meet all the same criteria but we also have to go to classes...but it doesn't cost as much. On a side note, I used to know a woman who couldn't tithe so she made up for it in time...she couldn't give monetarily but she could give of herself. We may not be able to pay the $40,000 (we have two kids in private school) but we can certainly give time. We may also wait a little longer to be matched and we still take the chance that we'll be one of the 30% of couples that will experience a failed adoption...but we're willing to take that chance because I truly believe that MY baby is worth waiting for and worth the heartache. She'll come home someday and when she does, I'll be waiting.

**disclaimer** please don't get me wrong, any adoption is a blessed union, international and domestic were just not for us. I whole heartedly support anyone who has decided to adopt for whatever reason and thru whatever means. I have had to defend our method of adoption to so many that I have had to become very defensive and blunt...I believe anyone who is adopting has a big heart with lots to offer, and that's what's important!

Cake Games and Presents!

I love my family...I love that we're loud...and loving...and most of all...I love that I love them. Last night we got together and had a Ground Hog Feast...My Aunt Luann brought dinner...a small meatball over a larger meatball (the Groundhog) and greenbeans (grass) and potatoes (dirt mounds) was funny! Then after dinner we all played Whack-A-Groundhog (a.k.a. Whack-A-Mole). LOL!! After that we all opened gifts and played with the kids! Man what a good night!

Thursday, February 7, 2008

Groundhogs Day

No one...and I mean NO ONE is allowed to laugh at what I'm about to post. That being said, tonight is the Groundhogs Day Party with my family...yes we celebrate Groundhogs Day...with a party, and cake, games and (no laughing) gifts. Yes I'm serious. So tonight is the party...I'm so excited! I went shopping over my lunch for all things luck. So I bought off the cuff gifts...and a few things to get the babies room started...I also did my mom's shopping because my dad is too sick for her to leave him for the festivities...this new round of chemo is kicking his butt. Anyways, I'm getting everyone lotto tickets, and mom get everyong a different to fit each of their personalities...the sisters each got a decor magazine (they own a shop that sells furniture and different hand painted item in Wapak), my cousin got horse magazines, Becca got a scrapbooking magazine and I forgot what magazine I picked out for me...which is nice because I'll be surprised!

My wonderful Grandma Sweet had a few bits of wisdom that I will cherish forever:
1. whatever you do, just don't get excited.
2. any reason for a party (she lived this out thru and thru)
3. my grandma started the trend that still holds true today, Ex's will always be a part of the family...divorce or not...they're family. She bought a house for her ex-son-in-law so her grandson would have a place to dad's ex-wife vacations with my parents, and no matter what, my Aunt Theresa will always be MY Aunt Theresa. So there it families works for us...

Tuesday, February 5, 2008


I have so much to do while we wait but what if we wait almost a year and have nothing to do while we wait and then what if the day after we're licensed we get our call and we aren't, I will be ready. My cousin and I are going to pinstripe the room. Todd and I are going to get a crib...maybe paint it and maybe not. I'm going to get my bassinet from whoever I get it from and garage sales here I come! I will be ready...and then I will wait. To occupy the months that stretch ahead of us...a lightless tunnel...we will entertain ourselves...we will work with our boys on kindergarten skills, we will prepare for and enjoy our first summer vacation since we left Texas, I will work, and day dream (preferrably not at the same time) I will try to memorize the order of the books of the Bible, I will learn to do the hair of a little girl...whether she be white, black, asian, mixed, I will learn to do little girl hair, we will enjoy the summer and I will close our daughter's bedroom door. I will distract myself. I have two wonderful children and I enjoy them and each of their strengths, each of their personalities...and quite frankly I'm enjoying this new found independence. Last month they turned five, and something in them changed...Lane stopped fussing, Ethan started cooperating at school and they both have matured into little boys...they have likes and dislikes...Lane loves puzzles...I might venture to say that he has the memory of an elephant...but I'm a biased mommy...that and he beats me at memory and puzzle races hands down! Ethan is loving and affectionate...well he was when he was I have a hard time getting him to slow down long enought to kiss me...he plays basketball and loves it...I really should get them a YMCA membership...or maybe just take them outside to play more...I hate the winter weather...I hate everything about it...I just want to take my kids outside to play...but I don't like going out during the winter...Ethan has no immune system, and it seems like *knock on wood* that this is the first winter he hasn't been sick the WHOLE maybe we're onto something! Of course, we're in a new house and our lifestyle has maybe he's come out of it...and maybe his body is just beginning to mature enough to fight off the common cold. Anyways, back to what I will do to entertain myself while I wait...I will enjoy my children and give them the attention and the one on one time that they deserve.

Monday, February 4, 2008


My husband has been waiting 22 years for a 4-wheeler and this weekend he finally got one. He's been on it ever since and bless his heart because he got his 4-wheeler, he's volunteered to help me out and clean the house we all know that most men don't do the cleaning job that usually needs done but if he even gets the majority done I can come behind and vaccuum and dust and do the down and dirty cleaning. I was sick yesterday...I think it was sinuses but it caused an ocular migraine...I get these from time to time. I can't handle light (especially natural light) and I have to pretty much sleep it eyes water and my nose's just messy and miserable...but the good thing is it only lasts about 24 hours, which makes it not so bad! Anyways, we have our homestudy coming up on the 15th, the house isn't bad but I'd like to have certain things done by then...I know I won't get them all done but we have a finished basement and behind the family room is a storage room and I'd like that to get organized...we have all of our military uniforms down there, our decorations, my doll collection, and much much more down there, we have our emergency pantry, and both furnaces and the hot water heater...not to mention stuff that really just needs thrown in the trash...then we have an attic that has our gun safe and Todd's child hood memorablia and stuff that we could live without but my husband refuses to...then in the garage attic we have the rest of my doll collection (it's huge) and more Christmas much storage does one family really need? At any rate I'd like to get organized so last night after my family went to bed I started...all I got done was some much needed laundry and I got the infant car seat and stroller moved upstairs plus all the diapers we had for Braden are now in the nursery instead of the basement...needless to say it's slow going! I have so much to do tonight that I'm not sure where to start...I'd like Todd to help but he works SO many hours that I always feel bad asking...not so bad that I won't ask though!

It seems like everyone in my family is pregnant right cousin's wife is due this month, I have a cousin due this month, another cousin due next month, my sister is due in April and my poor cousin just lost her first...she had a first trimester miscarriage this month. She feels very respoinsible...I wish I could just tell her that it's not her fault...but I remember that feeling...I was lucky enough to have my sister (who lost 3 babies) there to tell me to expect the blame to come and I could recognize it and it's self destructive pattern. I want to be that person for her...she will be such a good mom. I'll call her. She'd been trying for six months and was SO excited to finally be pregnant...I just want to makes things ok...and no one can...I want to be here for her. Please pray for my cousin as she goes through this!

Friday, February 1, 2008

Affording Adoption

I never knew how people afforded adoption and quite frankly I'm still at a in Ohio has it's ups and downs...more ups for us but some downs. One of the many ups is the cost of living. I read about what it costs to live in other areas and what I'm finding is that in any other area at this point we wouldn't be able to purchase our home...we bought our first house, a 5 acre farm, the house was 2850 sq ft and it ran us about $72,500. and this house we're in now is prime location, it has a finished basement, a sun porch, three bedrooms two bath and it's perfect for us, it was $91,500...I don't think there's one other area that we could have bought this gorgeous house for this I understand that in other areas $40,000 wouldn't be a lot for an adoption but that seems like a lot of money...I understand where that money is going, lawyer fees (a lawyer for the birth mother and a seperate lawyer for the adoptive family), counseling for the birthmother, and all medical costs that go into having the baby, not to mention lost wages (maternity leave) and the list goes on...I understand that she's making a huge sacrifice but if we were to go through an agency or a lawyer for our adoption, we too would have time off work. I guess what I'm saying is that to me it seems like adoption is set aside for the wealthy...I have as much to offer a child as any one raising my two biological children, what I'm finding is that money has the least to do with my raising them, I've found that no matter what our annual income is, I'm very much the same Mommy either way. I still want all the same things for my childre (and I don't mean worldly possessions)...So how does the normal American family afford to adopt? Do you save for so long that you're older when you can finally adopt? Do you take out loans so big that you can never again afford the luxeries and if you do get that perfect child you've waited your whole life for, can you never again afford to give that one perfect child a brother or sister...I know that God will provide...he always does...and all of my ranting and raving that I've done here today has nothing to do with our choice in method of adoption...we aren't going through a lawyer or an agency, we're going to adopt a child from foster care...not because of the cost but because we have the opportunity to complete our family. Our biological children have always had some kind of medical issue...pretty much from day one, so medical issues are something we can deal with. Besides, looking at the pictures on the web pages of waiting children breaks my heart...I have fallen deeply for so many and I'm so happy that they have found homes that I can't wait to see my child's face on that page with a heart beside it that indicates that our baby is in it's forever family...that thier last name will be the same as ours and that night when I tuck that beautiful baby into bed I can call her my own, forever and ever. I will raise her with her brothers and her cousins, I will watch her meet milestones and raise her to be the best person she can and to meet her potential, to love people and be expressive. I want all the things for her that I want for my boys...and I haven't met her yet. I can't wait!