Tuesday, April 27, 2010

So Maybe Not

My neice called last night. First phone call from her in...months. Maybe more. When we're around she stays in her room so it was strange that I'd get a call. She and Alicia are having a commitment ceremony. I've never met Alicia. My Mom has never met Alicia. hm. I'm confused. I thought this might be a phase. I disagree with her decision and I'm not sure I can support a union that is against God. I just don't know....I guess if I knew Alicia or had seen them together and how happy they make each other...but I've never met her and Allie is never happy when I see her...I'm very confused by all of this. She says she's excited and happy. But who knows.

I found out more about the Urbana throw down. SIL was removed from the home, but is back and asking for help. Brother is allowing her to move home. I'm scared for him. I'm worried about her. I want them to be safe and I want them to be the couple that we see when we are there. Very sad.

My sister has a job interview in North Carolina this week. I have very mixed feelings about this...she is hoping that the money is worth the move...but she just took a job cut by about a third...she used to run 3 papers and now she runs 2....which is a huge pay cut...she's a single Mom so money is already probably tight compared to what they're used to. My family is going through one of the roughest periods we've seen. and we've seen some hard times together. I will pray.

Monday, April 26, 2010

Full Moon!

I don't know how much to tell about my full moon kind of weekend. It all started Friday night, we had Schwieterman family fun night...all was going well, kids were eating then Lane Michael asked to play the Wii, I told him maybe later but it would be up to Cool Aunt Becca. After him asking about 3 times, I told him not to ask again. He asked 2 more times, I told him the next time he asked I was calling his dad to come get him. He asked again. I got out my phone an called his Dad, just as I got out my phone my Mom said to him "Oh come on Lane Michael, lets go find something fun to do" and his head spun (I swear it was exorcist style). He screamed and yelled and ran out of the room where I kept him until his dad showed up, then he yelled at Todd the whole way home, and was asleep within minutes of being sent to his room! He needed sleep but he needed to not act that way! I don't know what I could have done differently and I think he may be very spoiled...this may be my fault. I'm very protective of Lane Michael and so it's hard for me when he acts like's not him. But it's also not the diabetes...he's exhausted...but he can't act like this! I don't know what to do! I have tried lots of different coping mechanisms and he knows the behavior is bad and that he shouldn't act that way...he just doesn't know how to control it in the moment. Then 10 minutes later my aunt got a call that her FIL had passed away (he had cancer). So we did a quick clean up and packed up and headed home.
Saturday morning started off ok...we were working in the boys room (cleaning, rearranging, organizing) when my Mom called...something went down in Urbana and she had to go...I don't know the whole story but it sounds like things between my brother and sister in law may have gotten ugly and bad...she moved out...maybe temporarily, maybe permanently but who knows at this point...they have court today (Monday)....I will pray.
Then my aunt called my Mom...apparently my uncle died on April cousin was in town when he died and no one invited them to the my aunt two cousins and his only grand daughter didn't get to go to the funeral. They're so sad. It was their last chance at feeling reconciled. Their last chance at a peaceful good bye or final memory. And that was stolen from them. Very sad. Who does that to their sister? Who is that heartless? Death of a loved one brings out the worst in people.
Man what a weekend. But today is Monday and I insist people start acting like grown ups again!

Friday, April 23, 2010

Fighting for Ethan

In January Ethan had two appointments with a great Doctor to see what we could do to help him in school. Dr. Z diagnosed Ethan with Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD). It wasn't a surprise and it certainly wasn't a hard pill to swallow, we've always known Ethan was active and concentration was never his strong suit. We're ok with that, we don't mind his activity level and he's a very well behaved little boy (which is uncommon with ADD...most are too impulsive to be well behaved). But we weren't surprised or even disappointed with this diagnosis. The problem being, our insurance doesn't cover any appointment having to do with ADD! Seriously. So he got one month of meds and we can get the meds but we can't get the script since we are self pay for this. Ugh. But yesterday at the parent teacher conference we sat down with his teacher Mrs E (we love her) and the school guidance counselor Mr S and talked about what we can be doing for Ethan. He meets all the standards to go on to first grade and is doing well in school! She said he's smart and it's not that he can't learn, it's that he can't focus long enough to learn the stuff! This is wonderful news! Now we just have to find a way to get him back on meds and he'll be all set! Yeah Ethan!

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Sometimes it's the little things.

Yesterday was hard. I got an e-mail from my church letting us know that a friend had lost his sister and the family would need prayer...the sister was 51 years old and had fought a life long battle with Juvenile Diabetes. It said that her 25 year old daughter would also need prayers. While I know you can live a good life with Diabetes it's not something we'll ever be able to shake and sometimes I feel like we're fighting a losing battle! Nothing I do is ever going to be good enough to keep his sugar good all the time and no matter what I will fail because I can't control things like growth, like gym class, sports, stress, a big test, a crush, running too much, not running enough, swimming. Why couldn't I be the diabetic!? Why does it have to be him and not me?

Followed by the call that I'm not pregnant. I didn't want to be pregnant but I had kind of gotten used to the idea of being pregnant...I had rearranged bedrooms in my head, thought about the cloth diapers I'd buy, and planned maternity just for the day I was sad. A baby is never a bad thing. I may not have planned him or her but that didn't mean it wasn't what I would want.

Then came the news that the CVSO (person who does my job) in Franklin County plead guilty to stealing over $11000 in just 10 months. I liked her, I trusted her and I just felt...angry with her. I don't want to be's not really my thing but I also think that my feelings about Lane Michael's diabetes and not being pregnant may have influenced my feelings about Gloria.

Then to top my day off Ethan was struggling with homework that he should have gotten months ago...he should understand all of this by now and he just doesn't! He doesn't get it and I know it's his ADD but if he is struggling this much with kindergarten stuff then what will the years to come be like!

I'm tired. I'm tired of my kids having problems that they d0n't deserve, struggles that will affect them for years to come and not know how to help them. I feel helpless. I am helpless. I will give this to God. I will give them to God! I know that God is in control of all this! Saying that, saying God is in control helps, knowing that he's got my back helps!

Quick Update

I am not pregnant *quick sigh of relief* Moving on!

Monday, April 19, 2010

55 my hormone level is 55

And that means I'm either pregnant or ovulating. We aren't sure which. I hate this feeling. Yuck! Will update when I can!

Ethan gave me his wedding toast...

You know that old saying "kids say the darnedest things" So so true. I'm sarcastic, and instead of yelling or saying how I feel, I usually make a snide, sarcastic or snarky comment about how I feel. It's my defense mechanism. My kids have not only caught on to my use of sarcasm but have started using it on me! Lane Michael especially. Most recently he has told Todd things like "Change your attitude, Snarky" and "You are a sad sad little man" he told me "You are a sick sick woman" yes son, I am. He has a drier sense of humor and doesn't live to make people laugh, he's usually uncomfortable with people laughing at him or even with him. Ethan however lives to make people laugh...with or at him! He doesn't care as long as people are laughing. But this weekend, he wasn't laughing. he was serious. this is no joking matter. We were coming home from Urbana and Andy (my nephew) was feeding Ryan a bottle. This is the conversation between Ethan and Andy:
Andy: I love babies
Ethan: me too. but I'm never having any because I'm never getting married.
Andy: me neither
Ethan: welcome to the club dude!
Andy: thanks

Ethan: If I ever do get married, I'll run away and if I do come back, I'll slap her and tell her she's a mistake and then run away again.
someone will have to warn his wife to lock the doors when he runs away. I feel obligated.

Friday, April 16, 2010

Uh Oh

Was that a line I saw? It was a half a line...that means I have a trace of the hormone necessary. But we prevent this sort of thing from happening. It can't be. Oh but it might be. hm. We shall see!

Thursday, April 15, 2010

How do you fight with your person?

I'm arguing with my Mom right now. I'm not used to arguing with her. I'm a huge blubbery mess and it's actually kind of gross (not a good look for anyone). I'm not even really sure what either of us are mad about at this point, which makes fixing things even harder. It's been coming on for a long time now....and it all came to a head over a stupid trailer. Instead of telling her how I felt as small things started happening I let it build. Big mistake. I'm not a yell er by nature but today I yelled. I'm a loud person but not an angry yell er. Today I yelled out of anger. She tried to put lots of blame on different people through out the conversation (mainly herself) but I don't appreciate blame. Sometimes a situation just sucks and someone loses. I think I might be the one to lose this time. Let's suffice to say that I'm sorry I ever said anything. I feel worse than I did before calling. I'm not even sure we understood each other enough to say that she knows what I'm upset about. I know I don't know exactly what she is upset about. I'm sure she is mad that I'm upset. I'm hurt. This hurts. I don't want to stop hanging out with Lou and his family but I won't keep this going. I will however allow her to have him and vice verse, that sounds like I am willing or trying to end any kind of relationship. That's not it. I just think that if she can't have both of us and we can't be treated equally or properly that maybe it's time for me to step back for awhile. You know, there have been job offers that I didn't take because they were so far away, now I'm thinking that maybe a little distance would do us some good. I just don't know how to make things better. I won't leave my job. I love my job in my county with my veterans. So maybe just some distance while no one actually goes any where. She can come and pick up my boys if she needs some time with them, I would never keep them from her...I'm not even keeping myself from her, just giving us some breathing room. *sigh* I don't know how to fight with her. She's my person! How do you fight with your person? I'm upset about a few things, some of them are harder to pin point because it would take forever and then there are things that would take forever to type out and there are the things I'm wrong about...I want things fixed before we make up and go on like nothing happened. Problem is there is no "fix" that's not really an option because no one is "wrong". This makes me sick to my stomach! I just want to go back in time to 11:20 and take it all back, just get over it.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Is that not the funniest thing you've ever seen! HAHA He reminds me of those pictures of dogs with the giant head and itty bitty bodies! LOL I can't get over it! Man I love this kid!

What a weekend! Friday night we went out to the H's house to spend some time with good friends eating great food! We played spoons, and laughed harder than we have in a long time! It was a much larger group than usual so not as intimate but still fun! Lots of small children running wildly across the acres of land! Saturday was an absolute disaster! It started out ok but slowly one thing after another went wrong...but mainly, I spilled paint on my sun porch floor and we had a tree limb fall and take out some power lines! Yuck! The power company got us fixed up but the whole tree (maybe both) will have to come down. But Saturday night was great! We went to my brothers house to play cards and celebrate my nephews 16th birthday! Happy Birthday Cody! (I love that kid). But we got home late and (get this) 5 minutes after I started a load of diapers, I realized my boys had no clean jeans for Easter, so I had to wait up for the diapers to finish washing, to throw in the jeans but had to wait up for those to finish washing so I could put them in the dryer (it was 3 when I finally went to bed). Up at 6:20 for sunrise service, and a great of the best ever...maybe THE best! Everyone behaved, no children required any discipline, candy was plentiful and so was family! I think we may have outgrown my Grandma's house! We're just too big! LOL we had 32 people total (18 adults, 3 teens, 1 preteen, 8 kids, and 2 babies otherwise known as a full house!) At any rate it was a great day! The kids played outside almost the whole time....all except Lane Michael who isn't really into nature...I asked him "Lane Michael, why aren't you outside?" He said "Mom there's lots of grass and trees...and well outside out there. I want to be in where there is no dirt, grass, trees." LOL Strange little kid!