Thursday, February 26, 2009

I'm Tired...

I don't need a nap....although one would be nice....I mean that mentally I'm drained...emotionally I still have some breathing room but mentally I am spent. Today sitting at lunch with my good good friend L and K, we were talking about celiac disease and what it would mean if Lane does have hard life would be and what kind of diet it would mean for our family...and then my phone rang "Ms. Skaggs this is Nurse Lori from school, Lane has pink eye and needs picked up as soon as possible" *sigh* so Todd went and picked up my sweet pink eyed friend and I set up an appointment for him with Dr C this afternoon to get him on meds...and then at 2:35 Ethan's speech therapist called...his little ear hurt him today and she wanted me to know first hand, and ask where we stood on that. So at 2:43 I called Todd to have him set up an appointment with Dr C to have E's ears checked. Shortly after that Dayton Children's called to set up an appointment for Lane Michael's testing for Celiac. I'm tired. I can advocate for my children and go to Dr.s appointments but something has to break for these boys....I do believe my family is working towards a peaceful spirit and I think maybe I should pray with them at night before bed for a peaceful spirit and to accept the things in our life which we can not change, for patience, wisdom and above all else God's will be done in our lives.

Ethan often does our before dinner prayer, he has (over the last few months) started ending his prayer "in Jesus' name, Amen" I don't know where he learned this but I appreciate that he listens when others pray. He says his prayers more diligently than most children his age and enjoys prayer and I appreciate that. My boys have a bright future waiting for them...

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

He should be under 3....

But he's not. He's at 11. The doctor's office just called and said that they had done a blood work up on Lane Michael when he came in for his appointment...they checked a few different things, his thyroid is functioning normally and the cells that attack the thyroid aren't present (this is HUGE and wonderful!), they said an A1C for a non-diabetic person is 4-6 and they like to see their kids at about a 7, Lane as 8.7 so it wasn't as horrible as I thought it was going to be...I expected him WAY higher...he had been off for awhile....but I expect better numbers last time and as I was trying to say good-bye the nurse said to me "well there was one other thing..." ok...they also tested for Celiac disease....he should be under 3 but he was 11...he carries lots of markers for the disease....a disease that he can grow into (much like diabetes)....we always said that if it's going to happen, it's going to happen to Lane always does....he has so many different doctors...born a perfectly healthy baby, no problems, healthy, pink and chubby...and he grew into this special little person who requires so much special now he has an eye surgeon, an endocrinologist, a neurologist, a heart doctor, our family doctor and now a GI specialist...I'm so sad for him. Thankfully at this time he shows no symptoms of the disease, so maybe it will be much like his seizures and lie dormant for the rest of his life. Oh my boy. My sweet little boy.
p.s. just for the record....there's only one orange sized baby currently inhabiting my body.

Interesting how it clicks...

***Politically correct blog following with lots of politically incorrect language...don't be offended, I don't mean you***

I never thought about this before but recently I was reading peoples thoughts on whether in our society children were worth the expense...lets face it, we'll never be financially better off for having children...we aren't allowed to put them to work, and the chances of them caring for us in our old age is well...not likely.....we'll go to a nursing home and pay an arm and a leg for the care that other societies leaves to the children, this is how our society as a whole works, so logically speaking the answer is No children are not worth the cost. But in reading peoples thoughts on the matter one wise person said that it depends on whether you are upper middle or lower class. For movie starts children are more than worth the cost, getting millions for a single photo shoot, worth it! In the lower class people are paid for the number of children they have....more kids more money more benefits....makes sense! But in the middle class there so few financial benefits to having children that people have started having fewer children because they can't afford more mouths to feed, children to dress, medical bills to pay! This person said that if you plant two seeds, and stimulate one with water, sunlight and proper care it will grow, much like society. Our middle class isn't growing and producing more middle class people because the middle class isn't being stimulated....when the lower class is being stimulated it will grow and produce more lower class's easy to go from being a middle class citizen to a low class citizen and can happen so easily but to be born a lower class citizen and work and fight to become a middle class citizen in hard and commendable to say the least! So why is it that this wise person could see this, and I can see it, my friends see it (I'm not trying to speak for anyone so I won't mention names) but our Fearless Mr President can't see it? Food for thought I guess!

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

I don't know how to feel....

Parts of me want to rejoice and parts of me are scared to get at my Dr appt they started out by weighing me...I'm down about 6 lbs from pre-pregnancy...I'm not hungry because I eat, I'm not sick....ever and I feel pretty good...I'm not sure how to explain the weight loss but lets face it, I do have some to lose! LOL! Then we talked about what to expect in the coming months at each appointment and she made an off hand comment about having an NST weekly starting at 30 weeks....that seems like a lot very early! But they said that given my history, it was necessary to see what the babies heart rate is doing during periods of activity....I've never had an Non Stress Test but I trust this Dr completely so I'll do whatever is best for Baby we were wrapping up our questions about Non Stress Tests the nurse took my blood pressure it was 114/84...not bad but a little high for me....hmmm. Then the nurse noticed the cold sore....*sigh* it's big and appears anytime I'm under ANY stress, so they gave me a script for my cold sores so that I can use pregnancy safe meds on them! I'm very thankful for this...I get them often (mainly because I internalize most of my stress). After giving my urine sample I changed into the gown so I could have my Lady Town assaulted, and then the Dr came in. She picked up the heart beat Doppler and said "if we don't find a heartbeat we'll go straight to the ultrasound room" I thought Todd would pass out on the spot, his face went white and he stood up immediately...luckily she found Baby ACs heart beating at a steady 151 quickly and easily...the Dr did a quick check for multiples and proceeded to assault my Girly Bits and Pieces just as I was sitting up there was a knock on the door, Dr yelled to give us a few moments but instead the nurse just yelled from outside the door "+1 protein in her urine" surely they had made a mistake, wrong room, wrong something...but no they meant me....damn. Todd asked what that meant and the Dr told him nothing for now...but I remember too well what that meant with the boys, it meant preeclampsia....I'm too early for preeclampsia...the only cure is to give birth, and the treatments are limiting activity and bedrest...yuck....but again I'll do anything to ensure the arrival of a healthy Baby AC...but just for the record I do hate bed we're praying for it to have been a one time thing...the Dr explained that my kidneys may not be functioning Dad was born with just one kidney and I've never had mine checked....I wonder if I should do that....I also forgot to mention Ethan's cord being a 2 vessel cord instead of a 3 (like most babies)...hmmm, glad I'm going back in 2 weeks!

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Evil For boding....

I never knew that worrying was a sin. I never knew that evil for boding was sitting around wondering what bad thing would strike next. Yesterday, I sat down and wrote an e-mail to my cousin outlining my worries for the baby, that I wouldn't deliver a happy healthy baby, that I had already lost Baby AC and was carrying an empty shell with me....I haven't gained any weight, I feel great and I don't look pregnant yet. I was upset that I didn't feel bad, tired, sick or fat. I often sit and wonder what will happen to my family when we can no longer afford the medication for Lane to survive, I don't trust God to have a plan for my family and to take care of Lane, I stock up on medication and food...prepare for the worst. So last night my cousin sent me a text to watch Joyce Meyers on the Inspiration channel at 8...that she was speaking to me. And she did. So today, I put away my fears, my childish, selfish, untrusting fears. I will not worry, I will not sit endlessly wondering what we'll do....I will give it to God. He has a plan, he has good things planned for me and for my family. I don't sit and wonder how to next punish or torture my child. I sit and plan good things for them, a birthday party, a trip to the swimming pool, a dessert after they've finished their dinner. I make plans to help them, not hurt them. And that's what my Father does for me, he has good things planned for me! I can see my future clearly thru him, and it contains good things!

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

I'm Exhausted....ugh.

This weekend to be remembered! Saturday morning, my phone rang (too early) and was one of my clients needing a ride to I called Driver 1, he was in Columbus for the weekend and couldn't take the trip, I called BossMan to see if he could OK the trip, his phone was turned off, I called Driver 2, this would put him over on time for the pay period, I called Driver 3, she had an eye appt but could reschedule it. Phew, I called back my client to let them know that I had secured a ride for them and she would be over shortly, only to be told that they'd hold off on going, so finally I sat in my PJs while attempting to gather the energy to get ready for the day, looking at my too messy house and wondering how it had gotten so bad. When all of a sudden a man appears at the door (I'm not wearing a bra at this point) I dashed up the stairs while Todd answered the door, it was my driver, the driver I had talked to twice in one morning....he has my phone number, why did he come to my messy house before 10am? So I yelled down the stairs that the trip was cancelled and I'd talk to him later...I wanted to tell him never to come to my home without calling first. whatever. This officially made what was going to be a very hard morning into a bad and hard about 11 am my Mom picked me up and we went shopping (I know you're thinking there's nothing hard about that) we were shopping for Dad's graver marker. I have no was boring and awful and it's done. Then she dropped me off for the best part of the Valentines Day present....a massage and manicure, with a tanning packet! Yum! I felt great afterwards and am hoping to get that for my birthday too! LOL! Todd's good to me, good man to have on my side when the chips are down. Then on Sunday after church we headed out of town....and the best part of my weekend MY KIDS CAN SWIM!! Not in a fun lets jump off the diving board kind of way but in a "if they fall of the edge they won't drown" kind of way....and moments after we had decided Lane could go play because we were becomimg more secure, I said "they may not be able to swim confidently but if they fall in they won't drown" Todd said "lets not test that theory" and as soon as he said it, Grant pushed Lane in the pool....I was 2 ft away but he came up, grabbed the ladder and never screamed and didn't need me! He was confident and only slightly scared! I was so proud of my boys....Ethan isn't as confident but would be really good at it if he would trust himself! Good weekend but I'm exhausted! LOL!

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Their Personalities Shine!

This week is the obvious and much loved Valentines's hard to be a boy on Valentines Day. Unless of course you're Lane...Lane loves this holiday and is all about the love! Lane hasn't wanted nothing more than to be the Daddy of his own family for as long as I can remember. He has his children named and is constantly looking for a suitable girl! He's written her first love note and had his first girlfriend at age 3. So this is HIS holiday! Although he refers to it as Thanksgiving. So for his Thanksgiving box he decided he wanted a zoo. Easy enough....except when you're looking for a zoo keeper to glue to the top...we got the animal stickers (a lion, tiger, hipo, crocodile, cheetah, and a panda) we put them in cages and across the top wrote LANE'S ZOO, we finally tracked down a suitable zoo keeper (FIVE DAMN DOLLARS) and glued him in place. And to make it more Thanksgiving-ish we wrote XOXO on the top of the box. He loves it and it's adorable! Then there's Ethan....he has yet to acknowledge the existence of a girl and would rather kick one than kiss one...he refuses to believe that we may have a daughter because it would be of the female species...undesirable to say the least...he wants to make a trade for Baby D (a friends baby boy). Anyways, Ethan has taken a liking to skateboarding...he loves it, he wants to go to the skate park but since it's too cold and there's snow and ice he can' he skates in my the upstairs hall, in the bathroom, the laundry room and my kitchen...he loves it and is pretty good at it. So for his Valentines Day box he wanted a skate park. I designed it, Todd made it and it is INCREDIBLE! I don't know how we'll ever top this! It's awesome! I'll get pictures because it's so cool! We took 2 cereal boxes (cut in half) taped them to a hard piece of cardboard, and put a thin piece bent between the two cereal boxes, then we glued a lil man on the ramp, Todd did an awesome job of constructing it, Ethan's proud to have helped...I wish he could have helped more but he wanted it to be perfect....whatever! It's awesome! Happy Valentines/Thanksgiving Day!

Friday, February 6, 2009

I want to....but I can't

This weekend would be perfect for me to get started in Baby ACs room....I have LOTS to do...I don't mean I have a few things to work on here and there....I mean I have a TON to do! The only thing that is set up in there is the changing table....I have two just can't stay, two rocking just can't stay! The pac-n-play...maybe that should go to my Moms and be set up permanently only taken down to travel....which Todd wants to do soon after Baby AC makes his/her arrival...I would want to if I lived 3 states from my family, so to Missouri we will go. Hopefully he will wait long enough that it won't be miserable hot! I have clothes to sort...lots of clothes to sort and Baby ACs dresser needs painted and moved....right now it's residing in Todd's garage...waiting oh so patiently to be painted....I think I'll go with painting it white and finishing it to match either the pink or the blue depending on Baby ACs gender....but anyways, I want to get it painted so that I can get the neutral clothes in it and stack the gender specific boxes on top...none of this will happen this weekend! It's warm enough to paint but Todd has drill, so I'm getting to spend Saturday and Sunday with my Mom...which is WAY overdue! But nothing on the Baby to do list will get

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Instructions for Tax Season

This is not an advertisement!

This was the easiest tax year we've EVER had. So I thought I would share my new method, which may work for years to come!
Step 1: expose children to some kind of illness (flu works well and is easy to find during tax season)
Step 2: wait until children are tired and not feeling well
Step 3: take them to H&R Block
Step 4: arrive early so that you have to wait in the waiting area for 10-15 min
Step 5: rock sick children until sleeping
Step 6: lay children out on the floor next to tax consultants desk
Step 7: ignore children so they don't wake up
Step 8: taxes will be done faster and more efficiently because children slept
Step 9: allow H&R Block employees to take pictures of sleeping children to use as an example for other children to observe and mimic

PS I didn't expose the boys to the flu on purpose so that we could do our taxes, it just worked out to our advantage!

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Sick Again...

Lane Michael got sent home from school today....the diabetic aide called today and said that while his numbers were fine, she couldn't get him to eat, he wasn't complaining, and was doing everything he was told to do but he was green...I asked if she meant gray but no she meant green. He wasn't eating, wasn't feeling well and spent lots of time in the bathroom....what I forgot was that he gagged three times before he left the house this morning....but he looked good, ate breakfast and did everything I asked the first mom is with him....I feel bad because she worries over him....she doesn't let him just rest in a neighboring room, she sits where ever he is, she's nervous that he'll have a seizure and she won't get to him or hear him in time to bring him out of it quickly. When Todd and I were fighting over where to live (while we were getting out of the Army) I knew in my gut that Ohio had the best support system we could want and that Ohio is the best option for us....I knew that sometime in the future I may need a support system...I knew that because my family told me so....I didn't know how right they would be but now I do, now I know how much easier life is with a good support system in place, I know that I couldn't live anywhere but here and that God brought us here because this is where my children need to be. A few years back Todd and I discussed the possibilty of moving to Missouri, but we couldn't do that to the boys.....this is where we have to be....when Todd talked about going back to the Army, my Mom (jokingly) said that she and Lane Michael would write to us often, but behind the joke lies so much truth, he couldn't leave her. He couldnt have life any other way. Ethan is so easy going that the only person he "requires" in his life is Lane....oh my, how nice it is to be home!

Monday, February 2, 2009

On a happier note...


Tonight is the Groundhogs Day party! YIPPEE! Every year we get together and eat sausage (get it - ground hog) and play games then we end the evening with gifts....very fun! I wonder what I'll get this year! What are you giving/getting?

We used to share this thing....

That we don't share anymore....when we were out of everything else, we could fall back on this connection we had....that we don't have now. We had a bond and no one could touch it, because we shared this thing....just us....but we don't have that. We lost it, our schedules changed and life has changed. It's a blow to my ego, and I miss it. I miss us....I don't like you for taking this from us....from me. You make it hard to keep coming back and trying. In fact, you've made it damn near impossible.