Tuesday, March 31, 2009

I went and got checked (thank you for the encouragement) and everything is fine, it was just my paranioa and a front lying placenta making me so nervous! I'm up 1 lb since the beginning of this pregnancy and I'm ok with that! LOL! The heartbeat is 177 (the nurse made a comment about this being a girl! LOL) Thanks again for your encouragement to go in to be seen, it took no time at all and made me feel 100% better!

In other news, Ethan has a confirmed diagnosis for ADHD. I'm still processing this information and slowly coming to terms with it...

Monday, March 30, 2009

Not feeling pregnant....

I haven't felt the baby kick in about a week....and this morning when I woke up, I was down 3 lbs from last week...I lost 3 lbs the week I lost Braden, that's when I knew I had lost him. I don't "know" anything about this baby. Except that I don't feel next appt isn't until April 21st. I feel foolish walking around like I'm pregnant, "looking pregnant" talking about having a baby in August when I don't really believe it myself. It's like "stupid girl, you actually think this will end with a baby!? right! didn't you learn your lesson last time!?" I'm not sad, just feel silly, like I'm pretending.

Friday, March 27, 2009

I Know What People Must Think...

He can't have all of these going on....he can't be this sick, he looks normal, he runs normal, he eats when he's told to, he's smart and goofy, HE LOOKS NORMAL! Little did we know that inside this perfect little body is a poorly functioning pancreas, a stomach that may not be able to break down gluton, and an overactive brain. So when people say "stop looking for things to be wrong" how do I answer....I've been where they are...doubting. I've thought it of can't really be as bad as they say/think....I'm eating my words/thoughts. Lane had yet another seizure on Wednesday afternoon....this was for him the scariest....the first seizure he had hallucinations of "lizards with pincers" he held his hands about a foot apart to show us how big and he said they were on the ground. The second seizure was on March 20th...he doesn't remember that one, he was scared but he fell asleep after the seizure and doesn't remember it at all, so we aren't sure what he saw. And then Wednesday I arrived as he was coming out of it, he didn't see me or hear me come in but he knew I was there when I held him...afterwards I was looking at him (he was crying nearly uncontrollably and I asked if he was scared and he said he was scared of the dark place, when I asked if when he woke up he could see Ethan, he said no, if he could see his bed, he said no, and Daddy, No....he was terrified! I called the neurologist on call, this means he will need to be medicated for his seizures from now on....this is a good step if he continues to have seizures. We can't continue to allow him to seize just waiting to see if he'll outgrow this. Oh I pray he outgrows this! Then Thursday we had an appt with a gastro Dr....they did a blood panel on him a few weeks back and it was determined that he has 11 markers for Celiac disease (normal is 3). The doctor was WONDERFUL! We loved him! He was upbeat and didn't think of celiac as a bad disease, he would require no medication if ever diagnosed with this! So yesterday they did a more definitive blood work up that will give us a positive or a negative...if it comes up negative we go back 6 mos later for another blood draw to see where we go from there, if it's positive they'll bring him back and biopsy the lining of his stomach/small intestine. This sounds very scary but really it's not as bad as it sounds. *sigh* I'm tired. But I'm not the one doing the work, Lane and God...they're in this together!

On an unrelated note, the pregnancy is the most boring and wonderful pregnancy EVER! I'm 18 weeks 3 days, blood pressure is great, I've gained 3 lbs and the baby is starting to move around a little bit! The books say that baby is about the size of a can of soda from the top of his/her head to his/her little rump! LOL! and next Tuesday will be about the size of a grapefruit or large mango! Getting so big so fast! LOL! I LOVE IT!

In case you're curious what celiac would mean for my family. Lane could no longer eat pasta, bread, cake, pizza....processed's all off limits. The carbs he would be able to eat are potato carbs and rice carbs....the saddest part of all would be that he could no longer eat lo mein....his absolute FAVORITE meal EVER! oh the thought makes me cry....

Monday, March 16, 2009

Yet Another Seizure.

Friday was a good day, it was pay day (which is always just good) and the boys were behaving, everyone was in a good mood and we were heading to my Mom's for the evening....we were bummed that we weren't going to the lake but it was still good...we had promised the boys a new toy if they could take all the old, broken and unused toys from their toy boxes and throw them away, they did a killer job and have maybe half the toys the originally had so to Wal Mart we went. I had a baby shower gift to buy and they had toys to buy....they each took $15 from their saved up allowance, they went with their Dad to pick their toy, Ethan went with me to pick the shower gift while Lane chose his toy, then Todd brought Lane to me to help with grocery shopping while Ethan chose his toy, it was going well. After getting the last of the groceries Lane and I headed to find Todd and Ethan in the toy department. Ethan finished up quickly and we were ready to go. Walking to the check out, Lane started to swerve as he walked, walking into Todd and into a rack at one point. I held his hand as we walked to the restrooms, I thought about sending him in but then thought better of it and took his hand, we walked together and even then he nearly ran into another customer and the bathroom stall....I knew something was wrong but couldn't put my finger on it at that moment....when he made a mess trying to use the restroom it hit me....he was seizing. I was able to walk him back to the check out where Todd was paying. I took Lane to the van to wait out the seizure and Todd and Ethan followed, his body began to jerk, he couldn't walk, talk or see us. Todd held him, Ethan ate candy and I went back and forth. Ethan was scared, Lane was out of it, Todd and I had so many emotions running thru us that it's hard to say what we were feeling...I was relieved. Don't crucify me for that statement. I was glad to have Todd with me for his second seizure, glad to have it over with and glad to know I could handle this one better than the last. I wasn't scared....I was in shock but mainly I was annoyed that my poor perfect little boy was seizing. Annoyed that he had no control over himself and that my poor sweet Ethan has to be so scared for his brother. After 20 minutes of this, he was able to see us, he cried and wasn't able to speak properly, it came out as gibberish but even that subsided. As soon as he was able to identify his blanket, we let him sleep. He slept from Wal Mart to my Aunt Landa's woods, and when he woke, he remembered nothing, he smiled and for him, life was good. He's been cranky and moody since Friday night, but they say to give him 3 days to reset and become his old self again. I called the neurologist on call that night and he said we can consider this our diagnosis for epilepsy. This makes me sad...Lane will never know life without doctors poking and prodding, he'll never know life without medical intervention and he'll always appear to be perfect. I wouldn't have it any other way...but I would give everything for him to know "normal life"

Monday, March 9, 2009

Calling ALL Moms!

The temper tantrum has returned to our house and has taken up residency in my children! My normally calm, fun, easy going children are suddenly not fun calm or easygoing! They are easily over whelmed by noise and commotion, they want what they want and will scream at you to get it....Todd and I haven't spoiled our children, they have all the normal behaviors but I thought we were past this stage for sure! Ethan has become fussy and sad and Lane angry if denied their wants....I was hoping this would be a short lived stage but it's turning out to be a very unwanted house guest. Life has been mildly crazy for a few weeks and I'm hoping that soon life will go back to normal and maybe my children will follow....but until then, they must stop screaming, crying and fussing at me....I insist! If anyone has any suggestions, I would REALLY appreciate them! How did you get rid of the temper tantrum when it came to live at your house....please remember that my children are WAY TOO OLD TO BE TANTRUMMING!!!!

Friday, March 6, 2009

This post has a point, I swear!

Before the boys were born, Todd and I decided we would like to try and keep the boys from sucking their thumbs, we knew it would be a struggle to break them of this habit. Over the years I've gone back and forth on this issue...Lane Michael never wanted to be a thumb sucker....he would much rather someone else pacify him so he gladly took the pacifier and gladly gave it up at an appropriate age. Ethan would have like to be a thumb sucker....he tried very hard in the beginning and when he would start looking for it, Todd or I would replace it with his pacifier, it worked like a charm and we never had a problem after that, he too gave up his pacifier at the same time Lane gave his up. The problem we're having now is that Ethan would still like to be a thumb sucker, when he gets scared or nervous, the thumb goes in the mouth instinctually. He has a problem with security, I think it has to do with a lot of different factors, he's had an interesting life. We moved from Texas to Ohio when they were 2 mos old, back to Texas at 6 mos old, back to Ohio at 9 mos and lived with my parents until our house was ready to move into when they were 11 mos....I went back to work part time when they were 12 mos and full time when they were 18 mos. We lived with my parents for a short time just before they were 2, and and again when they were 3, Lane was diagnosed with a very scary disease when they were 3 (almost 4), this had a huge impact on Ethan. Braden died right before they turned 4, and we moved to town soon after that. He has so many reasons to be insecure. I don't know if sucking his thumb would have been better for his security or worse because he would still be sucking it consistently. Which brings me to the point of this post....I'm not sure if I should allow this baby to suck his/her thumb....people always talk about babies sucking their thumbs on the ultra sounds and none of our children have ever been caught sucking their fingers, hands, or thumbs, so maybe I won't have to make that least I have a few months to mull it over!

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Winter Blues to Spring Fever....

I don't actually get the winter blues...I don't prefer one season over the others...I enjoy them all individually...but just about a month before each change of season I get the itch....a desire to see the change and do all the things that go with the upcoming season, so as you can imagine there are a few things I'm ready for....spring cleaning and (a new found interest) gardening! So much needs done in my house that I've been too tired/busy/lazy to do lately and with Spring right around the corner I'm ready to get started...I'll make my list and this weekend I'll begin with the rooms we don't use often or the rooms that I can get done over this two day period (I haven't done my list yet but I'm thinking the basement storage room, laundry room and bathroom and then also the nursery). As for gardening...well this is a first for me! I've never had a garden of my parents used to put out a large garden that fed us all summer long and provided pickles for the year....I have lots of goals but this year I'm starting small....I want to put out tomatoes (plenty of tomatoes), melons, pumpkins, squash, zucchini, green beans and maybe some strawberries. My yard isn't big enough for a garden but my Mom's is....I'm not up for tearing up her yard so instead I'll put it behind her barn (out of sight and good soil). Our first step is to clear the berry bushes and weeds from back there, then we'll rent a tiller and I'll bribe Todd into tilling up the land for me (I would do it but I'll be pregnant and not up to it)...after that we'll put in the posts for the vining plants to climb and then we'll plant....some of it is already started in my Mom's kitchen by the window....I have a perfect place to start my garden in boxes and then transplant but I'm rather cheap and (quite frankly) don't want to heat the porch for the rest of winter...maybe someday I can figure something else out but until then I'll buy starts from the local garden center. I know this is a big undertaking this summer and with having a baby right in the middle of it, it'll be interesting if I actually get to work in it very long but this is something I've been wanting to do for a long time now....besides with the help of Lane and Ethan it may go very smoothly....otherwise we're just wasting lots of time, money and energy! But boy am I ready! I've started my research, now all I need is the weather to give long enough to get out there and start working!