Thursday, August 28, 2008

What I Fear Most...

When someday the food shortage and famine comes around, what will happen to my family. I can feed them, my husband can hunt and I can grow just about anything in a crunch, I chose not to this year but next year, I certainly will. But feeding my family doesn't scare me nearly as much as having diabetes supplies to keep Lane alive. Where will I get test strips and insulin? What about syringes? Before modern medicine, diabetics died. This isn't an all consuming fear that keeps me up at night and keeps me from living a normal life but it is what I pray about and plan for. Every time we get Lanes RX filled, I put some away so that "in case something were to happen" we would still have these things. But is it enough? Will I have enough insulin to get Lane through safely? How long would any devastation last? Will it ever happen? Do I worry for nothing? I know that God will take care of my children, I have no doubt about that...but it is my instinct, my job as Lane's mommy to worry. Are we so arrogent, so immature as to think that this couldn't happen to our country? Did we learn nothing from the Great Depression? In a situation like this, will money matter? Or wil it be obsolete compared to something to eat? Yes I am aware of the fact that I sound slightly crazy, I'm also aware of the fact that there is great suffering in this world, and my being an American doesn't make my family invinsible to that, nor does it sheild us from food shortages, famines and plagues.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

It's Not Fair!

My cousin, who has ruined her 15 yo daughter (truly ruined) decided two months ago to adopt a baby. They've been matched with a baby boy, and he'll be here in February. I'm sad, and I feel guilty for being judgemental about the kind of people this baby is being adopted by and I feel guilty about feeling that way about my family. Whatever, worst of all, I feel bad that I'm not just so overcome by thankfulness for the family that I have that I can't just be happy for her. Yuck. I want a baby.

PS Sorry to my friend who I offended!

Monday, August 25, 2008

First Days of School...

I would be ok with it...if they were just a little sad to be going, if just for an instant they would look back, but no. They got on the bus and headed off to school to be big kids. They came home talking like big kids, about big kid stuff, and about friends that I dont know! grrr. I have pictures but I can't stand to have them developed, because they're of the first day of kindergarten. Of real school, of the first day that my boys went to school. I'm not sad, I'm encouraged by the fact that they didn't look back but then someone said "well, as soon as they go to kindergarten, they might as well be in middle school, it just goes that fast" Thanks. Just what I wanted to hear. Excuse me while I throw a temper tantrum. But the important part is that they are doing well and love thier teachers and new friends, they eat in the cafeteria, and play on the school playground. They are big boys...forever. But rest assured, every night at bed time, they snuggle in and sleep like my babies.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

In Realizing That I Have Big Boys...

I decided today would be a good day to blog about them as babies, and what life was like then. When we first brought "the twins" home, life was chaos...all the time! I wasn't working which helped, but here's the thing...Todd worked 12-15 hours a day and I had people to entertain. My parents stayed for about a week after the boys came home, after about a week, my grandma came and stayed for 2 weeks, a couple of days into her trip, my cousin came to stay for about a week, and soon after that Todd's parents came to see the boys and say good bye to him as he left for Iraq. It was a crazy time but I look at picutres like these, and all the chaos fades away, and all that's left are memories of babies. Lane was so long as he was fed, he was happy. Ethan wanted held more, he was always moving, even then. But they were such good babies! Ethan needed mylacon drops with a lot of his feedings, he also needed tubes, but never really cried about anything. As early as they were, I got really lucky. They were fragile but they didn't have any complications! Todd was a big help to me then too, he got up through the night with Lane (Ethan was up all night every night) because he was rarely up...they each went through a phase of being up all night unless they were in thier car seats....but Ethan at 5 has just now started sleeping through the night. Both boys stayed on the same formula, so there was no need to keep track of who ate what, just who ate when and how much. We color coded bottles for that, but there's really only one picture that I can't tell them apart...but if I look close enough I think I can tell....they were just so different.

Can you tell I have babies on my mind? Everywhere I go it seems someone has a baby or is soon to have one. Yes I know I have two beautiful children at home, but I would like a third...I think of little else in my free might be that my house is completely ready for a baby, we have a basinet in the living room, a high chair in the dining room, a boppy in the basement, a bathtub in the bathroom, and a bedroom with clothes, toys, a bed and all essentials waiting upstairs. Everywhere I go in my house, it's staring at me expectantly, waiting patiently, but can I leave it there for another two years, can I look at these things that long. Should I? So, I'm preparing, I'm writing a birth plan, and so far, my husband doesn't agree with any of it! LOL! I wouldn't mind laboring at home for as long as possible, walking at home, showering (a LONG shower) at home, letting the boys stay with me there for as long as possible, let them see and experience the not so scary...and not the shower part...but the rest, we have a finished basement that I would like to set up as a place for me to do this, and then when we get closer to time, head to the hospital, and try to avoid intervention and medication, just to try. Now if anything happens, rip me open and get the baby out with full intervention but this is just something I would like to happen. I would also like to not know the gender of the baby, I would love to be surprised, I saw on TV last night where one parent knew and the other didn't, I wouldn't mind doing that...we have everything we could possibly need for either gender, so it really would work for us, and anyone who wants to know, Todd can tell, as long as they don't tell me...of course little ones wouldn't be allowed to know, becuase they would definately blow it! LOL! I would like for the baby to be laid up on my belly, and left there until after we are able to breastfeed for the first time...the nurses will have plenty of time to do their thing after I hold the baby, and the biggest for me, is don't yell at me during delivery unless it's an emergency, I want to experience this, without all the yelling...I think all very easy. On the other side of it, I know that things never work out that way...I know that in the excitement there will be yelling, and someone would slip up and tell me the gender, I will get agitated and maybe want meds...but still, I love the idea of these things happening! It's a nice thought...

My Brave Boy...

Have you ever talked to an adult diabetic? They often tell you how bad their finger tips hurt, or how they wish they could eat candy or sweets, how they hate the shots and they don't like keeping track of what they're eating. Lane has done all of these things for almost two years now. He can get cranky and whiny fact sometimes it's hard for me to handle. But then I remember that at his age, I was eating a spoonful of peanut butter...just because I felt like it, or a piece of candy just because it was Wednesday...either way, I didn't have to be careful of what was going into my body. My kids don't have that luxury...they never will. I keep Ethan on the same schedule as Lane. I know that I could give Lane whatever he wants and just accompany it with the appropriate amount of insulin, but that isn't healthy for him. They eat a lot of fruits and veggies...but sometimes it would be nice to not have to think about how many carbs is in everything. It would be nice to let my kids eat marsh mallows when my brother brings them for his kids. It would be nice to say to them, lets stop for ice cream before we go home and not have to think about carbs, shots, glucose testing and what time it is. I don't want to worry all day long if the school is caring for him properly and if the teacher will recognize the signs. If she'll let him have all the things the other kids are having for class treats. Diabetes sucks. But we often talk about what we'll do when Lane is cured. We decided we'll buy one of every kind of candy at the gas station and get three movies. We'll sit and eat candy while we watch our favorite movies. Ethan is especially excited for the day when Lane will be cured, not because it means we'll eat candy, but because he doesn't want Lane to be sick anymore. What sweet babies I have!

Monday, August 18, 2008

Tournament Champions!!

This week, our church softball team played in the end of season tournament, we played against a team that I always thought we were pretty evenly matched to but we beat them 12 to 1. After that we played a game against what we call "the Bar Team". They always take first in the league but this year WE BEAT THEM! The final score was 12 to 9 but what matters is that we won! They are very confrontational and it was so bad that we were headed to the car before the game ended because the younger guys on the team were starting to say that they'd settle this off the field after the game. But everything ended with only verbal threats and a few hurt feelings. Very exciting though!

Thursday, August 14, 2008

On Our Road to Debt Free

I love my husband. He's a good man, my best friend and a great Daddy. But as my financial partner...let's just say he's lacking. We own my van free and clear, and our '73 Mustang free and clear (we bought it two days ago), we owe a substantial amount on the Blazer, the ATV, three credit cards and our house. The amount owed on the credit cards isn't a large amount but enough to make me uncomfortable sitting there like that. So, I know I've said this before but I want to be debt free with the exception of our home, and at most one vehicle. We could at any time live on what I bring in (the smaller income) if necessary...I would like for it to never come to that but that would be nice. So, here is my plan of action in writing so that I will obey it. Every week I will pay a little towards the credit card with the highest interest rate, instead of starting double house payments this month, I will start putting money towards the credit cards with the highest interest rate, then move to the ATV and finally the Blazer. After this week we will no longer owe $175 to daycare every week, now we will only owe like $50 for after school care, so every week that will free up $125 so that's a really good place for money to go, every week pay an extra $100 to our credit cards, we could even rotate them, but I think I'd prefer to go one at a time to make it look like I'm getting somewhere faster...and after the first is paid off, I can apply the monthly payment plus the principle payment to the next card, and if I do that every time I'll only gain momentum! I have lots of goals, I would like to have all credit cards paid off by December 2009...I need to be realistic about this, and hopefully I can get this done...I'll let you know how it goes!

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

To Hold On For Just 1 More Year...

My boys need school supplies. Winter clothes is something I've always needed to purchase, but school supplies...that's a whole new ball game. I'm not ready to have big boys...don't get me wrong, I love having big independent, communication savvy, boys, but if just for one more year, they could be little boys...that would be ok. But I won't get one more year, no, I will get until next Thursday, when they will officially start kindergarten, full time forever. And that is the beginning of their school career. I am so excited for them. It doesn't get more exciting than this and every kid goes through this...but this is a first for me. I look at my friends little ones, and must admit, I don't envy that stage, This is my favorite age...every age so far has been. I love them the most at this moment...but two year ago, I loved them the most at that moment...I love them less today than I will tomorrow, but more than I did yesterday. I worry about them, I want them to be good boys, not get into trouble, and have lots of friends, but most importantly I want them to be successful. I have very individual and unique concerns for each of my boys, but concerns none the less. DH thinks I'm worrying too much...he's probably right.

Monday, August 11, 2008

I'm Exhausted!

Friday night DH and I went on our first date since March's been awhile! So we headed to a comedy club in Dayton and had a great time! We didn't get to bed until well after two and were up to go back to school shopping with the boys bright and early. First stop of JC Pen*ney, we got them each 7 shirts, and one pair of jeans...I bought lots of jeans at the beginning of summer when they were buy one get one for $1. Then we headed to Lids to get them each the much coveted Ohio State hats (very cute), Old N*avy for another shirt, and then we started shoe shopping...we went to JC Pen*ney, M*acy's, Fi*nish Line, Fo*ot Locker, K*ohls, and finally at Sh*oe Carnival we found two pairs of shoes that are acceptable...there's one brand of shoe that I have particularly bad luck with and tried my hardest to avoid but that's all anyone seems to carry in velcro...Lane ended up with that brand and Ethan with Ni*ke...he loves them, they are adorable! So at 4 we finally headed to the Housers where we stayed all night. They put in a guest room for a couple of friends that were supposed to come to town that night but in the end couldn't make it, so we stayed but the kids didn't sleep well, so we didn't sleep well. Then after church on Sunday we had a ball game...after that we went home, I did some laundry and dishes while the kids napped and Todd took it easy, then it was back out to my Mom and Dad's house to hang out and have dinner with my sister and her four was all going fine until DH and her had words, then we left. Ugh...I think she just wants to be mad and needs targets because she doesn't like any of her in-laws...her words, not mine. whatever. After that, Ethan and I went to the grocery and it took forever...we got home at 10:45 but Todd forgot to get Lane snack, so I still had to get Lane a snack, put groceries away and when I went down to do laundry he had forgotten to turn the dryer on, so I started it, and didn't get any laundry finally at 11:45 I climbed into bed, exhausted and unable to sleep.

On a side note, Ican't give any details, but my neice, Allie, really needs prayers, long term, hard core prayers. Life is about to get harder for her, and she's had a hard life already. Please pray.

Friday, August 8, 2008

Twins Pregnancy/Birth Story...

I loved being pregnant with the boys. It was great, I have wonderful memories (no pictures) but wonderful memories of being 6 months pregnant (x's 2) and none of it is documented. So without further adue, here is our story...I found out I was pregnant in early May, 2002, I had just turned 20, and was living in Germany (I was in the Army). The Doctor that broke the news jumped up and down because he was so excited...I cried. Soon after that I was set up with an OB, and went for my first visit. It as supposed to be a heart beat check and a quick questions session/blood draw. So he laid me down, I unbuttoned as little of my pants as possible and he started looking for a heart beat...but said he wanted to do a quick ultra sound to "get a better look" I was excited to get a glimpse, so it never crossed my mind that there would be something behind those loaded words...afterwards he had me get dressed so we could talk about the ultrasound...the Doctor had saved a picture on the screen and I could hear the nurse giggling...he asked "what do you see" I didn't see much except two little dots....he said "exactly, two...two babies...twins" I laughed, thinking he had to be So for a "second opinion" we went to the German doctor on the economy...She also did a vaginal ultrasound but since my German and her English is limited we had a hard time communicating in anything other than sign language. One little dot showed up on the screen, it grew and grew and oh a baby, a second dot showed up on the screen and grew and grew and oh a baby, a third dot showed up on the screen and grew and grew...the doctor said "Ein. Zwei. Drei?" "Nein!! Nein!!! No!" I think I might have been yelling at this the end she agreed that there were two...phew, dodged a bullet there! Throughout my pregnancy, I met a lot of good people, I had a Warrant Officer who couldn't have children and was willing to adopt one...especially if they were mixed...sorry to disappoint. I also had two cousins and two sisters willing to adopt them so that I could continue with my career in the Army...I couldn't. While adoption is always an option, it wasn't for me. As I got further along, they noticed twin B wasn't growing as fast as twin A...a big concern with multiples. Further investigation showed that B was only getting a portion of the nutrients because the umbilical cord was short one vessel....I'm not an OB or a nurse so I won't pretend to know anything about this except that they have to watch to make sure B keeps growing. They checked both babies to make sure they had both kidneys, they looked at times over...I got very good at reading ultrasounds...but at five months pregnant, I was still in Germany. Allow me to explain why this is a bad thing. In the Army if you have a family and need to move to housing, they keep you in Germany for three years, my kids would be three before ever seeing the United States. Before really getting to know the family...I wasn't that upset over the idea, except that the Army doctors in Germany didn't have the knowledge or equipment to handle the pregnancy. So in a mad rush to get me out of the country, before I was too far along to travel, the only place they could get me to was Missouri, Texas (best military hospital available) and New York (but New York didn't have an opening for my MOS - the job I'm trained on). So to Texas I went...Upon arrival my doctor put me on profile which means no more running, push ups and Germany I ran 10 miles two days before leaving, so I wasn't too pleased with no more PT...I did a lot of walking but just weeks later I was put on half work Thanksgiving I was put on a no work status and at Christmas I was put on bed rest...I had pre-eclampsia and the only cure is to give birth...something my babies weren't ready for. I sucked at bed rest...truly was horrible at it. I think the breaking point was when I moved the couch to vaccuum and Todd came home just at that moment...he was pissed! So to bed I went...until my tooth started hurting...then I laid on the floor with my mouth on the bathroom was freshly mopped...well scrubbed by hand (I was nesting something fierce). Then one day, I was telling Todd that after my appointment, we'd set up the nursery...the day was getting close, my parents decided to leave for Texas a day early so they would be in some time that night...Thank God they did leave early. Before my appointment I started coughing up blood...I wasn't sick but it was clots...big clots. So at the appointment they noticed my blood pressure was higher than usual, and after hearing about the blood, they decided to induce labor that day. I was 7.5 cm before I had my epidural and by that time I was yelling at anyong who came in the door. My parents arrived at about 12:30, my mom stayed with me and Dad went to sleep in a waiting room somewhere. 14 hours after the meds were started I began pushing for Baby A but seemed to be making very little progress, I couldn't feel the contractions...the anestiologist who was standing at my head was joking around and said "we're having an ugly baby contest in 15 minutes and from the looks of the Daddy, you might just win" I laughed so hard that Lane Micheal came flying out, making his debut at 1:34 am January 24, 2003 weighing in at 5 lbs 6 oz. Did I mention that the doctor delivering had never delivered a baby before....ever, so the training doctor was yelling "catch him Dr Rios, CATCH HIM!!!" big sigh of relief when he caught him!!! At that point I was sure that we would naturally keep going and get Baby B out as soon as they sewed up my tear, let me close up and sent me back to my room. They then realized that I wasn't going to close up all the way so back to the delivery room I went and after just three VERY PAINFUL pushes, Ethan Michael made his way in the world, blue and not screaming at 3:07 am January 24, 2003 at a whopping 4 lbs 9 oz. Once Ethan was on the warming table a few seconds (felt like eternity) he started screaming and we were able to see him...wait...that can't be a twin to the other baby born just one hour 33 minutes ago. They look nothing alike. Which is my baby. Who's baby is this...they're both mine? really? they look so different...oh they are? Well, I'm in love. The nurses marked their little hats so we could tell a difference between problem, the face shape, the hair, the hair line, the eye color, the...EVERYTHING WAS DIFFERENT!! There was no mixing them up. But with 18 babies (4 sets of twins) born in a 24 hour period, they have a system that they stick to and I can respect that. Our first night was in a private room, our second in a bay with a woman who had just lost her baby and one who's baby was in the nursery very sick...and every time one of the boys would cry, these heart broken girls would we walked a lot that night, the next night we were back in our own room...the boys were under the billi rueben lights for jaundice...those things are scary for a first time mommy, but not as scary as when Ethan's body temp fell to 93 degrees...but the nurse acted very calm, I'll get another thermometer, my Dad stood up and said, you might want to run. off she went but when the second thermometer said 92, we all took off running for the nursery to find a warming table...they were all full...DAMNIT!! So back the the room we went, Todd stripping off his shirt, slipped into the bed, laid Ethan tummy to tummy and threw a blanket over top until they could get a warming table in the room where he would stay all night long...every time we took him off his temp would fall but two days later, we were packing up for home...what a wonderful day that was...

Now just a few details that were left out...1. when we left Germany we were expecting a boy and a girl...upon arrival in Texas, we were told both were boys...very exciting and nerve wracking, but glad it turned out that way. 2. I tried very hard to breast feed but my milk never came in, even after many attempts to pump and nurse and around the clock pumping and nursing, and was very disappointed when after two weeks was just dried up. very sad. 3. I wish I had pictures of myself during that pregnancy. 4. Before the boys were 8 months old they had moved 3 times and had gone the distance between Texas and Ohio 5 times. What little travelers I have!

Thursday, August 7, 2008

I Talked To My Endocrinologist...

I had some questions about pregnancy (and the baby) for my endo, so I called him, got through and he was great about answering everything! Here's a run down of the conversation:

Me: Hey Endo, I have some questions for you about my thyroid, my weight and a pregnancy.

Endo: Ok, Shoot.

Me: I'm over weight and can't seem to lose it...what am I doing wrong?

Endo: You need a new exercise plan and I will set up a meeting for the dietitian on September 2nd to see you here in the office to tell you what you're doing wrong.

Me: Great, should I switch to a more natural thyroid replacement?

Endo: No, natural meds need adjusted all the time (especially at your age) and if ANYTHING changes, it will, exercise, weight, birth control...anything.

Me: Cool, I want to get often will I need to see you?

Endo: When do you want to get pregnant?

Me: February - ish

Endo: Ok, I'll see you in September (check your blood) and again in January (blood check). Then as soon as you're pregnant, I'll check you once every 4 weeks for 12 weeks, after that the baby will supply their own hormones.

Me: Alright, would I be considered high risk?

Endo: no

Me: Great! Love it! Is there an OB you suggest?

Endo: Alliance

Me: I've already been in contact with do I go about taking my vitamins, folic acid and iron?

Endo: at night, since you take your synthroid in the morning...that way they won't interfere with one another.

Me: Not a problem, last question...what are my chances of carrying a baby full term healthy, mentally and physically?

Endo: 99%

You have no idea what a relief that was to brings tears just typing it! I'm so glad I called him...he was wonderful and really put my mind and heart at ease! This time next year, I might be pregnant. I can't take my mind off of baby...names, gender (I'm hoping not to find out and Todd is insisting- we have everything for either gender). I have a friend who's trying to get pregnant right now and we were talking the other day about how tired we are of people asking if we want a girl...I would love a girl and that's what we're trying to adopt but really we just want the baby that's perfect for our family...and above all else, God to be ever present in our lives, his will to be done, and for our children grow up to have a personal relationship with their savior Jesus Christ.

Schwieterman Family Fun Night

Tonight is Schwieterman family fun night, I don't know if I want to go...usually it's at my house but this week it's at my cousins house...I can't have it any more because my grandma can't go upstairs for the bathroom and both our bathrooms are up or down my mom, my cousin, my three aunts and another cousin can have it...but I (the only one with a truly kid proof house) can't have it. my "other" cousin has a pit bull and I won't let my kids near a pit bull. The boys play rough with our dog and my cousin is teaching this one to be mean. It bites her daughter. Lane was bit by my sisters dog (he didn't do ANYTHING) and she didn't do anything about it...she didn't even put it outside...we don't go there any more. If I have guests, I put my dog away because he's big and rowdy...So if it's at Lisa's, I can't take my one else has a kid proof I guess it'll have to be at my mom's house. We all take turns making dinner so at least the host doesn't have to cook....I'm excited to go since I'll probably get a hair cut first...which I'm very excited about! I love hair cut day. I usually feel great afterwards!

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

It's My Blog and I Can Say What I Want

Disclaimer: If you know me and are reading this, you don't get an opinion or to tell another living soul about this...mainly because it has a lot to do with my weight...and you don't get to reassure me (in comments or IRL) unless I bring it up. If you can't follow rules, don't read on. That being said....

I am a big girl. I'm 6 foot tall and...round. Every once in a while I get to a size that I'm happy with...I'm 2 sizes from that right now...I look at pictures of myself and I'm astonished at the grotesqueness!! TRULY ASTONISHED! I blame my thyroid...and the fact that I love to cousin and I will be starting a new exercise program soon...I love to exercise, I love the way I feel but ever since my thyroid, it doesn't make any difference! I did tae bo for two months straight and it just made me tired. So will the exercise help at all?! Or will I be left this size (unacceptable) forever? I'm not sure what to do...I miss feeling husband is great about it and supports everything I do but I just can't seem to make anything move!! Diets don't work, unless I do it in an unhealthy manor...I had an eating disorder in high school and was teetering on having a problem...but my point is this, should I go ahead, have the baby and then lose the fat or lose the fat and start all over after baby or should I get into a good exercise routine, get my body used to it, and then start trying for baby and continue exercising all through the pregnancy? DING DING DING DING we have a winner!! I can't wait to start!! Do I split the difference and start trying for an August baby so that during my maternity leave, the boys will be in school so I can spend one on one time with the baby?I might talk to Todd about that....and in case anyone is wondering...yes we are normally fertile enough to plan when we want the baby! I need to see me endo...immediately!

Lane's EKG is...

NORMAL!! YIPPEE!!! Lane, my Mom and I went to Dayton Children's yesterday and had his EKG done...the doctor said that she can't hear or see anything that isn't perfect! They did send a heart monitor home with us for one month hopefully if he's going to have anymore episodes, they'll happen while we have the monitor. But the best situation would be if he didn't have any more at all...ever! The poor little guy could use a break. When the doctor was checking Lane she asked how many times a day he checks his sugar and he said "I check when I feel bad, when mommy tells me and before I eat...but only until the find a cure for me." It broke my heart and makes me so proud of my strong little man and the faith he has that they will cure him. That God will guide the doctors and researchers lives and minds to find a cure that gives glory to him. The other day Ethan was getting the mail with my Mom and she got a check to send to the American Diabetes Association, he said "are we rich?" Mom said "No, this is money that we'll send to the Diabetes Association to help find a cure" Ethan said "DID YOU HEAR THAT LANE? YOU'RE GOING TO BE CURED!!" He grabbed him and hugged him, jumping up and down yelling "YOU GOING TO BE CURED, YOU GOING TO BE CURED!!" He was so sure that with that check, we would be rich enough to cure Lane. He was so excited and even after we explained everything to him, he still goes to the store and looks at all the stuff we'll buy when Lane is cured (little does he know, our eating habits won't change when Lane is cured). It's only a matter of time, I have faith!

Monday, August 4, 2008

Been at the Fair...

Sorry it's been so long since I've posted but I've been at the fair...all freaking week! YUCK! I worked 2 hours Saturday, 6 hours Sunday, 9 hours Monday thru Friday, and 6 hours Saturday. I forget how much I don't like fair food. It's gross and greasy. Upon my arrival back in the office I had an e-mail waiting for me from my social worker asking if we're interested in two kids from Mercer up for adoption, an almost six year old girl and a 25 month old boy. She would start kindergarten with the boys...I don't think they're the kids for us. She's too close to the boys' age. I'm torn. They will steal any one's heart...they are perfect and beautiful...but are they perfect for us? I don't think so...but I don't know. I will pray about it and talk to Todd...and of course a few girls from my support system!! In the mean time, life is good...Lane was sick last night, so after dinner at Wo0dy's (YUM!!) Todd took him home and I took Ethan to the grocery! I'm always astonished at how much easier it is to have one with me instead of two. And we go today at 12 for Lane's EKG to check his little heart, they're making sure it's beating right...irregular heart beats run in my family...we really are a healthy bunch...there's just a lot of us, so there's a lot of sick to go around! LOL