Addiction

Sunday's sermon was asking us to let go of the things in our life that control us. The things we put before God and before the life He wants for us. It got me thinking, what do I cling to? What holds me back? We all know that my big sin is gossip...I love it the way smokers love cigarettes, I love the bits of information I get from others, the look of shock on peoples faces when I tell them something they didn't know, putting the pieces of a puzzle together...I just love it, and then I hate it. I hate the effects of it on my life and in my relationships...exactly how smokers feel about the smell in their clothes, breath, homes...I hate when I'm "caught" gossiping...or when I'm disappointed because I couldn't keep the secret. I love it in the moment, and leave the conversation feeling terrible...how had I hurt that person...gossip controls me. This is my struggle. I make excuses for myself "people shouldn't do gossip worthy stuff if they don't want me telling others" "well they know I can't keep a secret" "I'm telling others so they can pray for that person" but really, don't we all have something in our lives that's gossip worthy, do people know I can't keep a secret, and if I really thought someone needs prayers then why not just say "this family is in need of prayer" I'm such a work in process...I feel like a house that needs flipped, so many sins, so many habits to kick...right now I'm the boarded up, house down the street that people avoid, after all it's haunted...but someday, I want to be the mansion on the hill, and people will talk about the work that into me, and how far I've come. Someday.