Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Sometimes I'm Sappy

The last 4 years have been...hard. Impossible. Tragic. This week marks the anniversary of when we changed, our life changed, our family, our perspective, our relationship with all began 4 years ago this week. Lane Michael was diagnosed with diabetes. I can't imagine what life would be like without diabetes. Everything would be different. I can think of so many things...but it started the spiral to rock bottom. I was 6 months pregnant when he was diagnosed, 3 months later Braden died. 2 months later my Dad was diagnosed with cancer. Then they found what they believed to be tumors on my thyroid, I had it removed. Then my Dad died. My family fell apart. My siblings and my husband and my Mom...we all fought. hard. It isn't a 4 years I'd ever want to repeat. I remember in our darkest moments feeling like I should move, I should place my family in a better place, even if it meant no family support system. Dark times people, very dark. Ryan is in the hospital...has been since Monday...there's a little guy in the special care room next to him. As Ryan and I were taking one of our many walks I saw Dr A....she was Lane Michael's endocrinologist when he was younger...we changed when he had a seizure and she told us to spank him because it must be a temper tantrum. I was never comfortable with her but that was our final straw. Anyway, I knew this little guy must have later that day when little guys Mom asked if Ryan has diabetes, I said no, but my 7 year old does...I told her how much easier it gets...turns out little guy has had diabetes since he was Ryan's age...14 months old...scary. sad. She looked and sounded exhausted...they had been on an insulin pump but something had gone awry and they were switching to shots, I told her how much Lane Michael is able to do for himself, how our daycare center gave him shots so that Todd and I could work. My heart broke for her, she was so scared of her own life that she wasn't living. I told her that if I tell Lane Michael how many units, he knows how to do the rest, he can be with friends and family (not often but some). During our conversation she told me that she had quit her job when little guy was diagnosed, and was thinking about going back to work when he starts school. Life changed in bigger ways for her than it did for me. I think talking helped her...I wish we had more time to talk, she was nice, and looked like she could use someone to talk about diabetes with...her husband was there and seemed very involved...I was glad to see him there!