My Testimony...

A few weeks back my pastor called me, he explained to me that we had some new people attending our church, that they weren't sure how to make this change (becoming "Christians") in themselves and were asking to hear some Christian testimony, how others had made this commitment, a change in life so drastic that it changes you from the core. Not everyone experiences this head over heels life change, for some it's more like a light coming on, or going home...but it's something for everyone who experiences it. I want to share my testimony...I don't have that light coming on or that 180 flip...I was a cradle Christian...Jesus and God they just always were...there was never a moment when they weren't. So my testimony doesn't really lie in how I came to know Christ as my savior but more what Christ has brought me through. I've been an adult for roughly 10 years...a decade, one short decade....and I've experienced so much more than my "fair share" all in God's plan of course but nonetheless more than my childhood prepared me for...I had the perfect childhood...no on died, we traveled, my Mom stayed home, my Dad worked a good job, I dated, my brother left for the Army and I spent so much time with my adult sister, I probably needed my own bedroom...all very cookie cutter-like! Anyways, 3 months after my 18th birthday I left for the Army, man was I naive...I'm lucky to have survived, white girl out of cornfield county! I had never had ANY experience with ANY other race or religion! (I think my parents did me a great disservice by not educating me on tolerance of others race, religion and culture - - I missed out on a lot of friendships because of this). It was downhill from there. In that short decade since leaving the comfort of my parents home I have been raped, I have stayed in the PICU for a week with my child as he was diagnosed with diabetes, I have held my seizing child's body, I have buried a child, I have buried my father, I have nursed my husband back to health from a very bad accident, I have sat through more doctors appointments then I care to share, I have prepared for the adoption of a child who never came, survived terrorist attacks, watched my husband go to war and return a different man...all significant life changing events...I wear each as almost a badge of honor. Bad things that God has not only carried us through but blessed us. The last ten years haven't been bad...in fact it's been wonderful. We're blesses, we're happy. Our struggles haven't defined me, but shaped me, shaped my relationship with Christ, given me a relationship, and made me dependent on that relationship. I need him like I need air, food, pure basic essential. After Lane was diagnosed, we went through whirlwind and before life had even settled into a new routine, we were saying good-bye to Braden and that's when my relationship with Christ really started to form. Because while God was always there, he was just that, there. More a watchdog than my loving protecting father. I had never really needed "protecting" never been unsure of anything until then....never needed carried...I had always walked...but then I needed carried. And I've been carried often since then...and will continue to need carried. Times when I can't walk, or refuse to walk...those are the times when I can give it to God...take a long hot shower, beat on his chest, scream and cry, then get up, walk away and know that God's got it from there.

My better than ever husband just handed me our youngest son so he could go do Bible study with our big boys, our healthy, vibrant, fun big boys...and Ryan just said Mama. It doesn't get better than this.