Thursday, October 24, 2013

Closing Our Home - - Keeping Our License.

In no way, shape or form do I want my girls, my foster daughters (I have to get used to them not being MY girls so I am using some appropriate language to help remind me that they aren't in fact MINE - - I don't however say foster infront of them - ever) to go live anywhere else. I don't want to give them up, I want them to stay right where they are loved, happy, safe, warm, fed, protected, held accountable. BUT more than that I want what is best for them. If bio dad can pull it together and does get them back and if he is able to provide those things for them (loved, happy, safe, warm, fed, protected, held accountable) then I want him to succeed. Don't get me wrong, we would take them back in a heartbeat if they came back into care! We wouldn't even talk about it first! but what that means, for our girls is that he didn't succeed, he failed and if he fails that means they have not been kept loved, happy, safe, warm, fed, protected or held accountable. We want consistency, and success for the girls. We can see the beginnings of an attachment disorder in Little Miss. She would go with anyone. Especially a man. She loves a man and if he sits still long enough she will end up on his lap! She does it with Todd, my cousins John and Brian, my coworker, and a few men at church. So another move (even if it is back to us) is not what Little Miss needs. I've talked with the CASA and told her that no matter where she goes, who she ends up with I'd recommend attachment therapy. If she was staying with us permanently I'd be in attachment therapy with her. (this is NOT a dig at her bio dad). So honestly, if they have to go to him, I pray he is successful at raising them (not just successful at not getting caught not raising them right).

After the girls do return to bio dad, we will leave our license open for probably a year and stay in touch with the agency after that but we will probably close our home to new placements. This is not my choice but I understand that this is how it has to be. My children have lived lives where no one is consistent, everyone goes away. Everyone who lives close, moves away, my brother moved to Ohio a few years back (2009) and moved away a year later...but when he moved there were hard feelings so there hasn't been an ongoing relationship with him or his kids so he (for them) disappeared. My sister (who we've always been close to) moved away 2 years ago, also (for them) completely disappearing. Another sister (who we used to spend weekends and holidays with, who we babysat for, who we'd get together for dinner with) stopped taking my calls in 2010, disappearing from my kids lives forever. My dad died, Braden died, Pat died, Jason died, Alexis disappeared. And soon enough, so will the sisters. Everyone disappears. I can't continue to bring people into their lives who just disappear. So as much as I believe in what we're doing, as much as I love these little people, and as much as I know there is another little one out there needing a place to go...I can't continue to do this to my family and my husband isn't interested in continuing.