PICTURES OF THE CHILD WHO NEVER REALLY SLEEPS!

Could he look any more like his Grandpa Dennis? Holy Cow! Put a little pair of glasses and a miniature mustache on this boy and we have a little mini-Dennis! Well except (of course) for those Clementz cheeks - - I just want to squeeze them!

What a Daddy's boy! They sure are fond of each other!

My three month old baby! Look at those baby blues!

I love this age...so far he's my favorite age he's ever been! Some strange things about him:

1. he gets way over stimulated quickly

2. he used to roll over but stopped

3. he likes to watch people but doesn't necessarily want to be held

4. he doesn't care to eat

5. he loves his daddy and is beginning to really understand who Lane and Ethan are

6. we call him Little Friend because otherwise we can't remember his name

7. he has brought our life back to normal

8. he loves his blanket as much as Lane still loves his

9. he loves his bottles....loves!

10. he studies people and when he just can't take it anymore he throws himself into them for a hug - I love his hugs

R.I.P. Matt

A friend of mine from school passed away this weekend.
We have his viewing tonight.
How does this happen?
How does a 28 yr old man die?
I'm very sad for his family.
I'm a little confused...having a hard time processing it
It doesn't feel real
We weren't "close"
But when there's on 70 in the class, you're friends
What do you do with this,
do you grieve?
Do you say "how sad"
I'm not good at grieving...
actually I'm really bad at it
especially to find the appropriate level of grief
we weren't good friends
but we were class mates
he's the first in our class to go
it's symbolic in a lot of ways
he was a good guy
always nice...as far as I remember
but he's also my age.
a man my age died.
he didn't leave behind a wife and children
for that I am thankful
on the other hand...so many want to leave their mark
leave an impression in the form of their genes living on
he never go to do that.
his brother's wife is expecting
will they feel obligated to name this child with significance to Matt
so often we do.
a tool, a grieving mechanism.
this is the 3rd personal funeral I've been to as an adult.
Braden, then my Dad, and now Matt.
A friend's Dad passed but that was different, I didn't know him.
I do attend the funerals of my clients but again, different
please pray for this family as they grieve for their loss.
Loss is always harder around the holidays,
RIP Matt
we're praying for you and your family!

Prayer Warriors.

My family needs prayer. Pray specifically for my brother. Things are happening and changing, some good, some horrible. It's a very personal matter that I don't feel revealing without his permission. But PLEASE, he is in need of prayers.

My Relationship with Christ

I'm judgemental. Imperfect. Sinner. I didn't know just how judgemental I was. But I am. I judge everyone. Good and Bad. I think that my way is the only way and if you aren't doing things my way then you must be wrong. Even more you must be a worse person than I...but I won't tell you that....no, I'll tell my friends. I'll gossip about it. I'll think terrible things to myself...awful superior things. Things that hurt God. I want to change. I want to love not to judge. I think my hypocrisy, my judgements hurt not only Jesus but also the image of a Christian. I want to live as Christ lived. Christ doesn't shun the GLBT community. He didn't whisper about them but knew their struggles and loves them. He doesn't look down on people who have/had abortions, but knows their pain...the pain of losing a child. Jesus certainly doesn't hate those who have divorced, cheated, hated. Jesus doesn't hate. The Bible says the word love more than any other word. It doesn't command judgement. It commands prayer. It commands praise, not gossip. Am I truly living as Christ lived...am I showing the best representation of God through my actions my words....do I love enough?

I don't feel that I'm a "religious" person and I'm not "spiritual" but I have a relationship with God, with Jesus and with the Holy Spirit. Each an individual relationship but all of them tied together as they are 3-in-1. I identify with each entity in very different ways. God is my Heavenly Father. My protector, head of the household, decision maker, master. I fear God....I fear seperation from God. My fear is more respect...as I fear or respect my earthly father. I love God, as my Father. Jesus I identify with as more human, but a perfect human...the words "what would Jesus do" are easier to answer because he had a chance to "do" here on earth. He experienced life as I experience life...temptation, pain, human feelings. Almost a brother...but so much more. He guides my actions. The Holy Spirit lives in me. A gardener, sculpting my heart, my soul to be the best I can.

A Day I Thought I'd Never See...

This morning was perfect...it was a bad morning but it was perfect because it was mine. The boys wouldn't eat fast enough, the baby cried, my husband yelled but it was perfect. My children go to school, are able to learn and be functioning 6 year olds. I have a baby, and he cries, and he's spoiled, and always needs a diaper change and they're expensive and breast feeding is frustrating and confusing and my body doesn't always work the way I want it to. And Todd is my husband, and he's cranky and moody and I sometimes blame Iraq but he came home and he gets up with the baby at night. So my bad morning was perfect. So perfect that I was even able to step outside of the bad morning, the undone dishes, the vomit on the floor, the rain on the windows (2 months late) and realize what a perfect morning this was. While Todd was driving and we didn't have Baby Ryan, life was good, money in the bank and we plugged along but in the morning it was just me, I barely had time for a shower, let alone make-up. I would dream of the day when Todd would be home with us in the mornings, we would drink coffee and talk about what we'd do after work, I'd hold the baby, kiss this kids and be off to the office...now I have that, and I wouldn't trade it for anything...even money in the bank!

A Submissive Wife...

I didn't know I had it in me until I started feeling the tug at my heart, to be submissive to my husband. Do I always "give it up" when he desires? No. Do I always make the decisions he would like for me to? No. But I notice that sometimes when I blatently ignore him when he has put his foot down it doesn't work out like I would like for it to. I have loaned things out when he has said not to and they never get returned...and it's usually something we need. My husband has our best interest at heart, and doesn't allow feeling to get involved. He can see things in a different light...I don't want to say a jaded light but he makes decisions based on facts and concrete evidence as opposed to feelings. I am better with financial decisions so he leaves most financial decisions to me but I discuss everything with him and involve him as much as needed, and if he has a question, he doesn't hesitate to ask. I take care of the stuff that he doesn't care about...what the kids wear, the shoes I get them. We've had several big decisions to make in our marriage. He's from Missouri, we had to decide if we wanted to live in Ohio or Missouri, I told him how I felt about it and he made an educated decision after a lot of discussions, and prayer. Decisions like that, decisions that will pop up later on he will have the final say because he is the head of my house appointed by God. Some decisions that he will make include when the boys can date, drive, when and where we'll move, when the boys can work a job, how much we'll help with their first car and college...I have very strong opinions about all of these things but ultimately the decision is his. I struggle with this daily but daily I make the decision to be submissive to my husband.

Six Things About Lane Michael

1. Lane Michael likes school, he's excited to go every morning and last year when I asked the principal how he was doing socially, I was told not to worry...he's a bit of a social butterfly...everyone knows him and really enjoys him!

2. He loves TV...loves it...obsessively! It's hard to make him turn it off, he loves it, he can't help it. He would rather watch TV than do anything! He would never turn it off if that was an option...he even fights me when I tell him to turn it off...it's strange the love he has for TV

3. Lane loves to play board games...he'll take his turn and my turn both, he doesn't care if I'm actually playing as long as I'm sitting with him...and every once in awhile ask who's winning...he's pretty honest about it too! LOL

4. He's a morning person...up before any one else and very happy about it...he tiptoes past our door and heads straight for the basement...to watch cartoons of course!

5. Lane is clumsy....like really REALLY clumsy! He falls UP the stairs at least once a day...at least! It's hysterical!

6. He's really sensitive...he doesn't want to be laughed at and it really hurts his feelings if he is but has no problem laughing at others. He's also easy to cry...Todd and I aren't so dealing with his sensitive side is hard for us...but I've noticed that if we don't brush him off but validate his feelings, he comes around much quicker!

That's my boy...6 things about his super sized personality!