Monday, January 4, 2010

Happy Birthday B.

I still see you.
I hear you at night,
at bedtime, saying your prayers,
saying a sleepy goodnight,
I watch you follow your brothers,
tell you to be gentle with Baby Ryan,
and snuggle you when you slip on the ice.
When the big boys play a game you inevitably kick the pieces and have to sit in time out.
When Ryan cries, you come, eager to "help" with "Wyan."
I miss you being their brother
as much as I miss you being my son.
I miss only the thought of you
as we never got to meet face to face.
I miss what could have been
what should have been.
My "Middle child"
one of my 4 best boys.
Never too beautiful for earth
I don't believe in that sentiment.
I think you had more purpose than that
I don't want you minimized and this sentiment (while meant with wonderful intentions) seems to minimize who you are to us.
I don't believe God took you too soon,
but in perfect timing.
His perfect timing
but that doesn't mean you wouldn't have been a wonderful young man
the other night we were all watching a movie, Lane and Ethan on their bean bags, Ryan up with me on the big couch and Todd on the little one...I couldn't help but see you on your own bean bag, such a big boy and when Ethan whispered "sweet" you looked at him adoringly and whispered "fweet" because in my head, that's how you talk. And that's how I know you. I piece together your brothers at that age, Baby Grant and little Eli Braden, and I create my own personal little you. Which also seems to minimize you....making you less you and more my "perfect" you. I want nothing more or less you...just you.


Sarah said...

Happy Birthday B!!!