Thursday, April 15, 2010

How do you fight with your person?

I'm arguing with my Mom right now. I'm not used to arguing with her. I'm a huge blubbery mess and it's actually kind of gross (not a good look for anyone). I'm not even really sure what either of us are mad about at this point, which makes fixing things even harder. It's been coming on for a long time now....and it all came to a head over a stupid trailer. Instead of telling her how I felt as small things started happening I let it build. Big mistake. I'm not a yell er by nature but today I yelled. I'm a loud person but not an angry yell er. Today I yelled out of anger. She tried to put lots of blame on different people through out the conversation (mainly herself) but I don't appreciate blame. Sometimes a situation just sucks and someone loses. I think I might be the one to lose this time. Let's suffice to say that I'm sorry I ever said anything. I feel worse than I did before calling. I'm not even sure we understood each other enough to say that she knows what I'm upset about. I know I don't know exactly what she is upset about. I'm sure she is mad that I'm upset. I'm hurt. This hurts. I don't want to stop hanging out with Lou and his family but I won't keep this going. I will however allow her to have him and vice verse, that sounds like I am willing or trying to end any kind of relationship. That's not it. I just think that if she can't have both of us and we can't be treated equally or properly that maybe it's time for me to step back for awhile. You know, there have been job offers that I didn't take because they were so far away, now I'm thinking that maybe a little distance would do us some good. I just don't know how to make things better. I won't leave my job. I love my job in my county with my veterans. So maybe just some distance while no one actually goes any where. She can come and pick up my boys if she needs some time with them, I would never keep them from her...I'm not even keeping myself from her, just giving us some breathing room. *sigh* I don't know how to fight with her. She's my person! How do you fight with your person? I'm upset about a few things, some of them are harder to pin point because it would take forever and then there are things that would take forever to type out and there are the things I'm wrong about...I want things fixed before we make up and go on like nothing happened. Problem is there is no "fix" that's not really an option because no one is "wrong". This makes me sick to my stomach! I just want to go back in time to 11:20 and take it all back, just get over it.


Sarah said...

Oh Lynne, if you need to talk and vent, just give me a call. I can be there for you. I can listen, I can do whatever you need.