The Best Kind of Friends

Ethan and Lane Michael had a chance this weekend to spend the night with my Mom and Step Dad, it was good for them. They had a great time. They didn't have school Monday so they stayed over Sunday night and hung out there on Monday. So since Mom had an early meeting, the boys all got to hang with their Grandpa Jack for the day...but we couldn't possibly leave Grandpa Jack with no cigarettes and 3 little boys (my nephew was there too). So after Todd and I took our little 3 home for bed, Mom headed to town for some smokes. Ethan decided he should ride along. Some of the best talks are had in the car. They started talking about friends and who was Ethan's friends and who did Lane Michael hang out with. Then Mom asked Ethan if he and Lane Michael are friends and without missing a beat Ethan said "we're the best kind of friends, we're soul mates."

Celiac Disease

Lane Michael's blood test came back (regarding celiac disease) and once again his markers are higher...we have an appointment on the 26th with GI at 3:15...she wants to look at growth, stomach issues (pain, constipation etc) and discuss his next biopsy and get that set up. The first year we faced this I was a nervous wreck, I didn't know how we'd make this life change, I didn't know what to feed him or how to take him to other people's house's, I cried, and I mourned, I know this disease isn't the end of the world...but it sure felt like it. The second year, I was ready, I thought we'd surely get a diagnosis, I just knew I could take this on, I could make this change and make it good. This would be ok. This year, I don't know how to feel. I don't want this. I've been thinking of all the changes we'll have to make. The foods we'll have to give up. All his favorite foods, like pancakes, donuts, spaghetti, lo mein...Lane Michael could live off lo mein. I'm sad again. I'm not ok with this. What would we feed him on vacations? Who could I trust to care for him in an emergency? Todd is saying that the change is too expensive for everyone to make, that we can get gluten free for him and gluten for us...that's not fair to him. I don't want him to be more different than he already is. I will pray.

Sigh of Relief

They spent HOURS chasing these stupid ducks that had wandered into the yard from across the field...they imitated them, quacked at them, chased them, loved them, wanted to keep them...I think the poor ducks were happy to go home!

I just love this picture...I'm not even sure what they're doing or what is on the table behind them, I just know I love the picture!

My Mommy and the twins...love.

Lane on a break from his helmet....he got an hour each day....

Oh so little...I love this picture...even if it does show just how young I was when the twins were born...

Happy Halloween! Ethan the clown and Lane Michael a race car driver!

so so sweet...

First Birthday Smash cake...they're so small and so sick!

I love this picture...I sat like this a lot after work...good good times

This is how they slept often...so content to be snuggled up together...

There really is nothing like raising twins. Sweet brothers. Best friends.

Championship game tonight

Lane Michael and Ethan are playing baseball this season and they've done well....they're by far the smallest, youngest and least experienced kids on the team! Cute! There are 5 teams in the league, and we are going to the Championships! Our opposition is undefeated and we've lost to them probably 3 times now but we have high hopes! Lane Michael scored a run on Tuesday in the tournament game and Ethan had an RBI! Woot Woot! Lane Michael enjoys 3rd base the most and Ethan is good in the out field, although has better attention as 2nd base (funny because Lou played 3rd and I played 2nd teehehe). Wish us luck!

And as a side note, we finished the painting in the sun porch and Todd got it all cleaned up and organized today! Fully functioning and Beautiful! I still have to paint the white trim but the primer is on, the floor needs something to happen but I haven't decided what yet and we're still looking at doors and options (water and dirt come in when it rains) But I love this room and want to start using it consistently! PS this is the color! I'll post pics later!

Sometimes it's the little things.

Yesterday was hard. I got an e-mail from my church letting us know that a friend had lost his sister and the family would need prayer...the sister was 51 years old and had fought a life long battle with Juvenile Diabetes. It said that her 25 year old daughter would also need prayers. While I know you can live a good life with Diabetes it's not something we'll ever be able to shake and sometimes I feel like we're fighting a losing battle! Nothing I do is ever going to be good enough to keep his sugar good all the time and no matter what I will fail because I can't control things like growth, like gym class, sports, stress, a big test, a crush, running too much, not running enough, swimming. Why couldn't I be the diabetic!? Why does it have to be him and not me?

Followed by the call that I'm not pregnant. I didn't want to be pregnant but I had kind of gotten used to the idea of being pregnant...I had rearranged bedrooms in my head, thought about the cloth diapers I'd buy, and planned maternity leave...so just for the day I was sad. A baby is never a bad thing. I may not have planned him or her but that didn't mean it wasn't what I would want.

Then came the news that the CVSO (person who does my job) in Franklin County plead guilty to stealing over $11000 in just 10 months. I liked her, I trusted her and I just felt...angry with her. I don't want to be angry...it's not really my thing but I also think that my feelings about Lane Michael's diabetes and not being pregnant may have influenced my feelings about Gloria.

Then to top my day off Ethan was struggling with homework that he should have gotten months ago...he should understand all of this by now and he just doesn't! He doesn't get it and I know it's his ADD but if he is struggling this much with kindergarten stuff then what will the years to come be like!

I'm tired. I'm tired of my kids having problems that they d0n't deserve, struggles that will affect them for years to come and not know how to help them. I feel helpless. I am helpless. I will give this to God. I will give them to God! I know that God is in control of all this! Saying that, saying God is in control helps, knowing that he's got my back helps!

In Realizing That I Have Big Boys...

I decided today would be a good day to blog about them as babies, and what life was like then. When we first brought "the twins" home, life was chaos...all the time! I wasn't working which helped, but here's the thing...Todd worked 12-15 hours a day and I had people to entertain. My parents stayed for about a week after the boys came home, after about a week, my grandma came and stayed for 2 weeks, a couple of days into her trip, my cousin came to stay for about a week, and soon after that Todd's parents came to see the boys and say good bye to him as he left for Iraq. It was a crazy time but I look at picutres like these, and all the chaos fades away, and all that's left are memories of babies. Lane was so content...as long as he was fed, he was happy. Ethan wanted held more, he was always moving, even then. But they were such good babies! Ethan needed mylacon drops with a lot of his feedings, he also needed tubes, but never really cried about anything. As early as they were, I got really lucky. They were fragile but they didn't have any complications! Todd was a big help to me then too, he got up through the night with Lane (Ethan was up all night every night) because he was rarely up...they each went through a phase of being up all night unless they were in thier car seats....but Ethan at 5 has just now started sleeping through the night. Both boys stayed on the same formula, so there was no need to keep track of who ate what, just who ate when and how much. We color coded bottles for that, but there's really only one picture that I can't tell them apart...but if I look close enough I think I can tell....they were just so different.

Can you tell I have babies on my mind? Everywhere I go it seems someone has a baby or is soon to have one. Yes I know I have two beautiful children at home, but I would like a third...I think of little else in my free time...it might be that my house is completely ready for a baby, we have a basinet in the living room, a high chair in the dining room, a boppy in the basement, a bathtub in the bathroom, and a bedroom with clothes, toys, a bed and all essentials waiting upstairs. Everywhere I go in my house, it's staring at me expectantly, waiting patiently, but can I leave it there for another two years, can I look at these things that long. Should I? So, I'm preparing, I'm writing a birth plan, and so far, my husband doesn't agree with any of it! LOL! I wouldn't mind laboring at home for as long as possible, walking at home, showering (a LONG shower) at home, letting the boys stay with me there for as long as possible, let them see and experience the not so scary...and not the shower part...but the rest, we have a finished basement that I would like to set up as a place for me to do this, and then when we get closer to time, head to the hospital, and try to avoid intervention and medication, just to try. Now if anything happens, rip me open and get the baby out with full intervention but this is just something I would like to happen. I would also like to not know the gender of the baby, I would love to be surprised, I saw on TV last night where one parent knew and the other didn't, I wouldn't mind doing that...we have everything we could possibly need for either gender, so it really would work for us, and anyone who wants to know, Todd can tell, as long as they don't tell me...of course little ones wouldn't be allowed to know, becuase they would definately blow it! LOL! I would like for the baby to be laid up on my belly, and left there until after we are able to breastfeed for the first time...the nurses will have plenty of time to do their thing after I hold the baby, and the biggest for me, is don't yell at me during delivery unless it's an emergency, I want to experience this, without all the yelling...I think all very easy. On the other side of it, I know that things never work out that way...I know that in the excitement there will be yelling, and someone would slip up and tell me the gender, I will get agitated and maybe want meds...but still, I love the idea of these things happening! It's a nice thought...

Twins Pregnancy/Birth Story...

I loved being pregnant with the boys. It was great, I have wonderful memories (no pictures) but wonderful memories of being 6 months pregnant (x's 2) and none of it is documented. So without further adue, here is our story...I found out I was pregnant in early May, 2002, I had just turned 20, and was living in Germany (I was in the Army). The Doctor that broke the news jumped up and down because he was so excited...I cried. Soon after that I was set up with an OB, and went for my first visit. It as supposed to be a heart beat check and a quick questions session/blood draw. So he laid me down, I unbuttoned as little of my pants as possible and he started looking for a heart beat...but said he wanted to do a quick ultra sound to "get a better look" I was excited to get a glimpse, so it never crossed my mind that there would be something behind those loaded words...afterwards he had me get dressed so we could talk about the ultrasound...the Doctor had saved a picture on the screen and I could hear the nurse giggling...he asked "what do you see" I didn't see much except two little dots....he said "exactly, two...two babies...twins" I laughed, thinking he had to be kidding...really...kidding...no. So for a "second opinion" we went to the German doctor on the economy...She also did a vaginal ultrasound but since my German and her English is limited we had a hard time communicating in anything other than sign language. One little dot showed up on the screen, it grew and grew and oh a baby, a second dot showed up on the screen and grew and grew and oh a baby, a third dot showed up on the screen and grew and grew...the doctor said "Ein. Zwei. Drei?" "Nein!! Nein!!! No!" I think I might have been yelling at this point...in the end she agreed that there were two...phew, dodged a bullet there! Throughout my pregnancy, I met a lot of good people, I had a Warrant Officer who couldn't have children and was willing to adopt one...especially if they were mixed...sorry to disappoint. I also had two cousins and two sisters willing to adopt them so that I could continue with my career in the Army...I couldn't. While adoption is always an option, it wasn't for me. As I got further along, they noticed twin B wasn't growing as fast as twin A...a big concern with multiples. Further investigation showed that B was only getting a portion of the nutrients because the umbilical cord was short one vessel....I'm not an OB or a nurse so I won't pretend to know anything about this except that they have to watch to make sure B keeps growing. They checked both babies to make sure they had both kidneys, they looked at everything...seven times over...I got very good at reading ultrasounds...but at five months pregnant, I was still in Germany. Allow me to explain why this is a bad thing. In the Army if you have a family and need to move to housing, they keep you in Germany for three years, my kids would be three before ever seeing the United States. Before really getting to know the family...I wasn't that upset over the idea, except that the Army doctors in Germany didn't have the knowledge or equipment to handle the pregnancy. So in a mad rush to get me out of the country, before I was too far along to travel, the only place they could get me to was Missouri, Texas (best military hospital available) and New York (but New York didn't have an opening for my MOS - the job I'm trained on). So to Texas I went...Upon arrival my doctor put me on profile which means no more running, push ups and situps...in Germany I ran 10 miles two days before leaving, so I wasn't too pleased with no more PT...I did a lot of walking but just weeks later I was put on half work days...at Thanksgiving I was put on a no work status and at Christmas I was put on bed rest...I had pre-eclampsia and the only cure is to give birth...something my babies weren't ready for. I sucked at bed rest...truly was horrible at it. I think the breaking point was when I moved the couch to vaccuum and Todd came home just at that moment...he was pissed! So to bed I went...until my tooth started hurting...then I laid on the floor with my mouth on the bathroom floor...it was freshly mopped...well scrubbed by hand (I was nesting something fierce). Then one day, I was telling Todd that after my appointment, we'd set up the nursery...the day was getting close, my parents decided to leave for Texas a day early so they would be in some time that night...Thank God they did leave early. Before my appointment I started coughing up blood...I wasn't sick but it was clots...big clots. So at the appointment they noticed my blood pressure was higher than usual, and after hearing about the blood, they decided to induce labor that day. I was 7.5 cm before I had my epidural and by that time I was yelling at anyong who came in the door. My parents arrived at about 12:30, my mom stayed with me and Dad went to sleep in a waiting room somewhere. 14 hours after the meds were started I began pushing for Baby A but seemed to be making very little progress, I couldn't feel the contractions...the anestiologist who was standing at my head was joking around and said "we're having an ugly baby contest in 15 minutes and from the looks of the Daddy, you might just win" I laughed so hard that Lane Micheal came flying out, making his debut at 1:34 am January 24, 2003 weighing in at 5 lbs 6 oz. Did I mention that the doctor delivering had never delivered a baby before....ever, so the training doctor was yelling "catch him Dr Rios, CATCH HIM!!!" big sigh of relief when he caught him!!! At that point I was sure that we would naturally keep going and get Baby B out as soon as possible...no. they sewed up my tear, let me close up and sent me back to my room. They then realized that I wasn't going to close up all the way so back to the delivery room I went and after just three VERY PAINFUL pushes, Ethan Michael made his way in the world, blue and not screaming at 3:07 am January 24, 2003 at a whopping 4 lbs 9 oz. Once Ethan was on the warming table a few seconds (felt like eternity) he started screaming and we were able to see him...wait...that can't be a twin to the other baby born just one hour 33 minutes ago. They look nothing alike. Which is my baby. Who's baby is this...they're both mine? really? they look so different...oh they are? Well, I'm in love. The nurses marked their little hats so we could tell a difference between them...no problem, the face shape, the hair, the hair line, the eye color, the...EVERYTHING WAS DIFFERENT!! There was no mixing them up. But with 18 babies (4 sets of twins) born in a 24 hour period, they have a system that they stick to and I can respect that. Our first night was in a private room, our second in a bay with a woman who had just lost her baby and one who's baby was in the nursery very sick...and every time one of the boys would cry, these heart broken girls would too...so we walked a lot that night, the next night we were back in our own room...the boys were under the billi rueben lights for jaundice...those things are scary for a first time mommy, but not as scary as when Ethan's body temp fell to 93 degrees...but the nurse acted very calm, I'll get another thermometer, my Dad stood up and said, you might want to run. NOW...so off she went but when the second thermometer said 92, we all took off running for the nursery to find a warming table...they were all full...DAMNIT!! So back the the room we went, Todd stripping off his shirt, slipped into the bed, laid Ethan tummy to tummy and threw a blanket over top until they could get a warming table in the room where he would stay all night long...every time we took him off his temp would fall but two days later, we were packing up for home...what a wonderful day that was...

Now just a few details that were left out...1. when we left Germany we were expecting a boy and a girl...upon arrival in Texas, we were told both were boys...very exciting and nerve wracking, but glad it turned out that way. 2. I tried very hard to breast feed but my milk never came in, even after many attempts to pump and nurse and around the clock pumping and nursing, and was very disappointed when after two weeks was just dried up. very sad. 3. I wish I had pictures of myself during that pregnancy. 4. Before the boys were 8 months old they had moved 3 times and had gone the distance between Texas and Ohio 5 times. What little travelers I have!