Easter

Sunday morning we woke the kids at 6 am, dressed them, did the girls hair, loaded our food and necessities of the day and headed out the door by 6:50 (just in time to be 5 minutes late to Sunrise Service). It was such a celebration of Christ's rising! and returned home well after dark, fell into our beds and slept. and in between sunrise and sunset? we played, we talked, we ate. we stopped shortly to talk about "the real meaning of Easter" to reflect on the "sacrifice Christ made for us" but I am feeling lately the weight of God's hand on my heart. The tightness in my chest, knowing there are changes I have to make in my family. The Easter Bunny, nothing malicious or mean. But Easter is such a Holy day...the bunny seems to take so much from the day. I have nothing against rabbits, they seem nice enough. kids seem to like them. soft fur. whatever. my hope isn't to offend anyone but more these are my own convictions and the way I see MY family going. I want my children to know not just the key phrases used on Easter but have a trued grasp of the magnitude of the situation and love and respect what Christ did for us. This HOLYday is more than enough without fouling it up with rabbits. Like I said, this isn't meant to hurt anyone or offend anyone, its just how I feel my heart being lead.

God Speaking

So today as I'm driving to work (I have to take the girls 10 minutes out of town, swing back into town to drop Ryan at preschool, then across town to drop off the bigs then back across to go to work), after dropping off the bigs, I turned on the radio and was going to change it but didn't...it had background static and was a little hard to hear but it was a man speaking. And he spoke about how when we fall into trials, as Christians we are not being tested but that's our chance to shine. That when we have cancer, or a wayward child, it's not that we have done something wrong it's that God is giving us a chance to show the world the difference in how we handle situations, the difference between Christians and those who don't have Christ in their life. It was an AMAZING "sermon" and I thought "man he is talking to me" and all those who are going through tough times or have gone through tough times. then I went to find what station I was on. Somehow the radio had been switched from fm to am and was on a station like 72...but I couldn't find the station again after I had switched from it. He really was talking to me

This & That

Debt Free Living

In the interest of making big changes in our lives, we made a big decision last night that we've been struggling with for nearly a year. We "own" a 4 wheeler...and by own I mean we are paying for a 4-wheeler. A 4 wheeler that lives in the country at my Mom's house. We enjoy it...the 2-3 times a year we use it. It's not worth $176 every month. We regret ever buying it. We received a lump sum of just over $9000 a few years ago and used that money to pay off my van, and instead of then sticking that money toward other debts or savings, we bought the 4-wheeler. Todd had always wanted one and I had always wanted to get him one. what a waste. So now we're hoping to break even and sell it for what we owe. ugh. But on the flip side, we could have $176 free up every month which gets us $176 closer to our goal! Now to find a buyer!

Also, we now have one credit card paid off and only have a balance of $1250 on the other credit card! This is AMAZING!

I love watching this all unfold. It's an amazing journey starting from a place of such waste and true "living in the moment" to get here....thinking ahead, putting thought into our financial moves, thinking long term and not responding to immediate satisfaction.

Ethan this weekend

This weekend I had the following conversation with Ethan (it's recorded on my Mom's facebook page but I'd like to have it here too):

me: even though we're hanging out at Grandma's house tonight, she won't be there

Ethan: why?

me: she's going to a party

Ethan: what kind of party?

me: a grandma party

Ethan: what will they do there?

me: dance

Ethan: Grandma can't dance!

me: Grandma's a good dancer!

Ethan: yeah like this *imitates a grandma dancing with a walker*

Ethan: who will she dance with?

me: the grandpas

Ethan: unacceptable!!!

Blessed Beyond Belief

Today we received a TRUE blessing. The boys missed the bus, so I just figured I'd take them on my way to work. No Problem. We walked out the door at 7:48, enough time to get them to school and be at work right on time. My van didn't start. crap. Not good. Tried again. Nothing. So Todd {since he was home (blessing number 1)} put his Blazer nose to nose with my van and charged my battery...20 minutes later it still wouldn't start, so Todd put everyone in his truck and delivered them to school and me to work, then went to get my battery to have it tested to see if it was good (blessing number 2 - we thought it was only the battery) (blessing number 3 - - we have the money in an emergency fund if something big is wrong). The battery was fine...but there was corrosion on the battery not allowing the power out of the battery. (blessing number 4 - - nothing was wrong). Todd cleaned off the battery and all was good. We didn't dodge a bullet this morning, God was our bullet proof vest!

Solo Parenting.

Todd left (rather abruptly) for Missouri yesterday. We found out on Tuesday that his Mom (step) is having surgery today, decided that we couldn't afford 2 trips to Missouri (in worst case scenario). Todd was very distraught and felt obligated to go...I crunched numbers and just didn't know how we'd make it happen. Wednesday morning, I was balancing our check book, got online and there was an unexpected deposit. More than enough for 2 trips to Missouri. (let me just say, God does not work in mysterious ways if we're willing to see it and recognize it). So last night, after a lot of debating, hemming and hawing, I told him that we both know where I'd be if this was my Mom...that sealed it. After supper, he loaded up and left...shortly after he left I loaded up the brood and hauled them to GLOW (our Wednesday night church for kids). GLOW went well but as we were leaving I couldn't find my keys...and couldn't find my keys...yep locked in the car. again. Called my Mom...we tried to open it but to no avail so we called the sheriff...who not only took forever getting to the church but sat on his phone for 10 minutes in his car after arriving. So an hour after GLOW had ended, we got home and the boys to bed. Oh did I mention Lane Michael's glasses broke...well lost a screw, so after they were in bed I packed lunches, set out the next days clothes, fixed glasses, packed book bags and finally relaxed. Ryan slept like a champ (as he usually does when Todd is away), the morning ran very smoothly (the boys got to sleep in until 7 and still made the bus at 7:25) Ryan was happy to be at Julie's house and all has gone well. I don't normally do well solo parenting, I'm a great team player....but I have to say, the boys have really done well and we have rocked it this time! I think I will have them set out clothes again tonight to make the mornings flow better, that would eliminate the "I'm out of socks" "where are my jeans" "I hate this shirt". I wouldn't want solo parenting to be permanent but maybe I can rock it when necessary...especially with these lifestyle changes in place!

Unequally Yoked.

I want to write a well thought out post about being equally yoked not only to your spouse but also to the people you choose to spend time with. Lately I've been feeling unequally yoked in a lot of ways. My friends and family and even my husband are in different places in their relationship than I am. I find myself losing patience for people who have heard of the love of Christ and refuse to accept that someone loves them that much, or are unwilling to change their lifestyles...not only that but I'm tired or being the person who gossips about others, I love the people in my life and only hurt them by gossiping...this is my struggle, and I've lost patience with myself. Sometimes I know that my re-telling of circumstances is to talk through my feelings with someone who has a fresh perspective but other times it is purely for entertainment value. I also know that others are probably frustrated with me in my walk and more my struggles. But I am not unequally yoked to God. God knows how many times it will take for me to get it. For me to think before I speak, for me to say to much to the wrong person. God knows the day I will kick this gossip addiction and each time I fail he just checks it off the list of times I have to fail before I get it. God knows how many times he has to whisper to Todd to be forgiving before it clicks. How often he has to tell me to be gentle until I get it. God is patient enough for both of us and he's just waiting for us to get it.

Sometimes it's the little things.

Yesterday was hard. I got an e-mail from my church letting us know that a friend had lost his sister and the family would need prayer...the sister was 51 years old and had fought a life long battle with Juvenile Diabetes. It said that her 25 year old daughter would also need prayers. While I know you can live a good life with Diabetes it's not something we'll ever be able to shake and sometimes I feel like we're fighting a losing battle! Nothing I do is ever going to be good enough to keep his sugar good all the time and no matter what I will fail because I can't control things like growth, like gym class, sports, stress, a big test, a crush, running too much, not running enough, swimming. Why couldn't I be the diabetic!? Why does it have to be him and not me?

Followed by the call that I'm not pregnant. I didn't want to be pregnant but I had kind of gotten used to the idea of being pregnant...I had rearranged bedrooms in my head, thought about the cloth diapers I'd buy, and planned maternity leave...so just for the day I was sad. A baby is never a bad thing. I may not have planned him or her but that didn't mean it wasn't what I would want.

Then came the news that the CVSO (person who does my job) in Franklin County plead guilty to stealing over $11000 in just 10 months. I liked her, I trusted her and I just felt...angry with her. I don't want to be angry...it's not really my thing but I also think that my feelings about Lane Michael's diabetes and not being pregnant may have influenced my feelings about Gloria.

Then to top my day off Ethan was struggling with homework that he should have gotten months ago...he should understand all of this by now and he just doesn't! He doesn't get it and I know it's his ADD but if he is struggling this much with kindergarten stuff then what will the years to come be like!

I'm tired. I'm tired of my kids having problems that they d0n't deserve, struggles that will affect them for years to come and not know how to help them. I feel helpless. I am helpless. I will give this to God. I will give them to God! I know that God is in control of all this! Saying that, saying God is in control helps, knowing that he's got my back helps!