Happy Birthday Baby Ryan

Ryan turned 1 yesterday!! My boy is SO big! He's such a little MAN! I just love him! He's an amazing kid full of personality! He's smart and funny! And loved! We waited SO long for that little boy to arrive and now that we have him, we think we'll keep him! At ONE he can:

walk (started 4th of July weekend)

sleeps in his crib (also started 4th of July weekend)

say dog (also started 4th of July weekend - - Todd will never leave for a long weekend again)

say stop, don't, move, and no

he waves

loves to carry a spoon (a big stir spoon - - Grandma Sweet says he never knows when he'll happen upon a vat of soup)

mimics EVERYTHING Ethan does

bites Lane Michael whenever he's in reach

prefers Todd most of the time

his bedtime story is "Goodnight Moon" every night

never sits still for church and now has to go to the nursery because he won't stay in the pew

I'm sure there's more but this is what I have!

Less Than Perfect.

I sit in my corner office. Smile and nod as my clients tell me their troubles, different for each but there's often the same defeated tone. They're just...sad, really. Defeated. Some more than others. But so often, they leave feeling better. Someone listened. Someone cared. They might stay 30 minutes into my next appointment. I don't rush them out. Most are appreciative. Some know I'll listen, others are surprised. Some are crazy, unorganized, living in less than ideal circumstances. Some have made poor choices that lead them to me. Some have been given the short end of the stick. But what I hear most "I wish I had what you have" The corner office in a beautiful building full of wonderful people, doing a job I love, working with the people who mean so much to me. They know my children. They notice new pictures, ask about baseball, and teething, walking, friends, and Christmas. I've become a part of their lives. Sometimes I could show them how messy my life is. Let them in. I want to connect with them. Show them that my life (my picture perfect life) is only perfect for me. That I don't always go to bed with a clean kitchen, that my kids embarrass me, that I'm too busy to do laundry, that my kids don't always get their homework done, that I sleep in, that I can't shop for myself, or just that life is messy. All the time.

3 years ago.

Patrick joined our family 3 years ago. He left our family last night. He left everything last night. He left his wife, children, step children, mother, father, sisters, brothers, friends. There was an accident. Broken windshield, rolled truck, crushed. My sister is sad. her boys are devastated, we are all heartbroken and confused. How? It wasn't supposed to happen like this. Dakota said 2 weeks ago that Pat is Heathers forever and ever. Heather is lost. I am useless and Mom is strong. How do you raise his children without him? Sanoi is two, Boun is 8 months. Babies. He left babies. They are loved though. He loves/d them. I want to write a beautiful post I'm just not capable.

Pictures of my Beautiful Sun Porch

but first

THEY WON THEIR CHAMPOINSHIP GAME!!!!! We are all shocked and still kind of celebrating! The other team was undefeated and expected to win! We had played them several times over the season and lost to them each time...lost isn't even the word! They killed us and appeared to be the better team...but as it is we won! The boys worked hard, played hard and in the end it paid off! Good job guys!

Ok, here are the pictures!

The picture of the outdoor bar didn't take well, I might have to add that later....it's wonderful and just a good space to live in! We're using it as living space, we eat out there, we play cards, sit and relax....we just use it and I love it! The colors make me want to squeal and I couldn't love it more! The accent is this beachy blue....it really tames the orange!

Championship game tonight

Lane Michael and Ethan are playing baseball this season and they've done well....they're by far the smallest, youngest and least experienced kids on the team! Cute! There are 5 teams in the league, and we are going to the Championships! Our opposition is undefeated and we've lost to them probably 3 times now but we have high hopes! Lane Michael scored a run on Tuesday in the tournament game and Ethan had an RBI! Woot Woot! Lane Michael enjoys 3rd base the most and Ethan is good in the out field, although has better attention as 2nd base (funny because Lou played 3rd and I played 2nd teehehe). Wish us luck!

And as a side note, we finished the painting in the sun porch and Todd got it all cleaned up and organized today! Fully functioning and Beautiful! I still have to paint the white trim but the primer is on, the floor needs something to happen but I haven't decided what yet and we're still looking at doors and options (water and dirt come in when it rains) But I love this room and want to start using it consistently! PS this is the color! I'll post pics later!

A Buffet of Auto Immune.

Last year Lane Michael was tested for Celiac, we left the biopsy with our doctor (who we loved and trusted) saying "I am 98% positive that he has Celiac, don't start the diet but be aware that we will call and confirm this in the next few days" A week or so later I was walking through WalMart over my lunch hour, when the hospital called back. Lane Michael has an infection that mirrors celiac disease, he does not have it at this time, be checked again in a year and take this medication for 2 weeks to clear up the infection. The blood work last year showed he had 11 markers for Celiac and anything over 5 was abnormal. So this year I was more prepared, I went with a list of the symptoms he has, a list of concerns and questions. He has constipation, and stomach cramps and he seems thinner. When we sat down with the doctor she said that his bowel doesn't seem to be emptying completely, he went from being in the 58th % to the 45th % and he should not have dropped that drastically in one year. She said the stomach cramps are concerning. and then she told me that he now has 26 markers in his blood work for celiac. This year I'm ok with this diagnosis. Last year I couldn't have handled it. This year I can. I am not facing a new baby in the house, and Todd's job change, this year I am at peace with this diagnosis. I have accepted it, and I'm ready for it. I'm sad for him, for my family, for the changes we'll face, the challenges ahead, Lane Micheal hates pizza, that's a plus but pancakes are his favorite. How will we eat at Bob Evans? How will he share birthday cake with his friends? We will figure it out. More than anything I just want to start living life with him...a normal life. I want so many things for this little person. The thing is I don't worry about him, I don't worry about whether he will be successful, I know he will be. I know that God has great plans for him and this is his path, the path he has to take in life to get there, to be the person he has planned him to be. This weekend a little boy came to the party and was introduced to all the boys at the party, they were all playing video games, they all waved over their shoulders, Lane stopped what he was doing, went to the little boy and said "Hi Alex, I'm Lane nice to meet you" because as much as he has going on, he's still able to care about other people. What a special boy! So I asked the doctor "is there something linking all of this together? something that could explain all of this?" She told me "yes, he is a buffet of auto immune diseases, his body is his own worst enemy and it's just attacking itself, he has an over active immune system" hm. man that sucks. And the kicker? Ethan needs checked. Celiac can cause small stature and hyperactivity, ADD and learning disabilities. Nice, so maybe we can explain some of his ADD stuff!

Bigger Fish to Fry

I was mis-diagnosed. My thyroid never had tumors, goiters, nodules. Never could have been cancerous. Was never "off". My TSH levels were normal when my thyroid was removed. hm. I'm sad, and violated. I'm fat forever because some doctor made a bad call without getting more info. He used scare tactics to convince me to have it removed. It was fine. It MIGHT have SOMEDAY caused a problem that MAY have resulted in medication. I wouldn't have this scar on my neck and I would have had YEARS of a better quality of life. I wouldn't have been as cranky, as tired, as fat. My children would have the mother I was and not the mother I am. Then my new doctor tells me that I'm too under treated, that I need more meds, that I'm losing muscle tone and hair from being so hypo. Ugh. I'm angry. I'm hurt. Confused. Sad. I need perspective.