Monday, May 5, 2008


We all have one, and every now and then it creeps in to haunt us. The reality is never as bad as the story, it always sounds worse than it was. We're never proud of it and when it does come up at get togethers, parties and BBQs, we always try our best to change the subject before the worst of it gets out...but there's always that one person who knows too much about us. But then there's the history that no one seems to remember, the part of our history that says we over came, we stopped clubbing, we don't drink and by the way we pulled ourselves out of this mess! I have a history, it has it's good and it's family, the people who claim to know me best, don't know most of my history...I'd like to keep it that way. I was a good girl in high school, I kept myself pure and left parties that had underage drinking, I never smoked and never even knew people that might have drugs...I was a good girl, but only becuase I was biding my time. The summer before my senior year, I joined the Army and three months after my 18th birthday I left for South Carolina for training. After graduation I did the unthinkable...I went to Germany. I found one of the few places on earth where I could go and wouldn't know anyone...and equally as important, no one would know me. I got there and had total freedom...problem was, I didn't know what to do with it! I had never had this freedom, this lack of responsibility! So I babysat...a lot. I didn't charge much, they couldn't afford much...I babysat on my birthday, and on Christmas...I always had someone with me, and when I wasn't babysitting I was traveling...I went to Paris first...I was hooked...I wanted to go, to see it all! So the next weekend I went back to Paris, after that I went to Italy, Switzerland, Spain, Amsterdam...It was beautiful and intoxicating...I love it, and miss it. I will someday go back...someday. Never in a million years would I give up those memories for anything. I forfeited a college eduacation for the military, and had planned on making a career of it...and then there were twins. I recieved an invitation to West Point Military Academy two weeks after I found out I was pregnant...I didn't go. I would have been an excellent officer, fair but tough, caring but professional. My unit would have known me, I wouldn't be the person in the unit that remained a mystery. They would have known me. We would have traveled and my family would come second. My husband would have stayed home with the twins, changing diapers and cleaning house. He couldn't work, we'd move too much. But he loves me and he loved the military, he'd understand. I would have been the job. But as it turns out, I didn't go. I got out, went home, and have since then spent every day being a mom. I've watched first steps and laid in bed on Saturday mornings listening to my boys giggling down the hall...I've watched my dad scoop them up for a hug and change the batteries in their toys...I made the right choice. This weekend I watched as a little boy I know was scooped into his grandpa's arms for a hug, but his other grandchildren had to compete for his attention but it's not Grandpa's fault...he doesn't know them. They weren't around for the first years and still are only occasional visitors...bringing my boys to Ohio to grow up, to know Grandma and was the right decision to make. Consistency and doesn't get better than that!