Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Ready for Something...

Do you know the look you give when you go to a funeral and a faced with a widow, or the child of the deceased? You half smile, give doe eyes, cock your head to the side and say "How are you?" I don't like that. Please stop it. Yes, my son is dead, yes my dad is dying, I know my Grandma just got bad news and my son has a chronic disease. Stop it. If I can live this life you can stop feeling sorry for me. I have a good life, my relationship with God and DH is the strongest it's ever been, my kids are healthy for the most part, my DH and I both have good jobs and my dad feels good enough to eat this week. STOP ASKING IF I'M support system takes care of me and I have really good friends who I can talk to if I need someone (Becca, Laura, Sarah Rachel, Heather Nicki Melissa - - as you can see the list goes on and on). Besides, if you've ever lost a baby you know that life is never again ok, so seriously stop asking unless you want me to answer and sob...I do a damn good job of hiding a lot of how I feel but the next time you ask me how I am, I promise you that I will let you know that the box of baby clothes in my living room should be used clothes and that I shouldn't be here, I should be at home teaching a toddling baby to talk, and my hair, that I spent an hour on this morning should be cut into a bob because that's all I should have time for, the rose garden planted beside my house in memory of my dead child shouldn't be there, because my son shouldn't be dead. But seriously, I don't want to say this to you, because I'm fine. Just stop looking at me like I'm going to fall over at any given moment. I won't, I swear. Because like I said, there are lots of great things happening in my life, lots of great people...and most of the time I'm going good, I'm excited about the things happening in my future, and my kids are at a really fun age, I have so much to be thankful for!


Sarah said...

You go Lynne!! You tell them all!!