Thursday, May 26, 2011

Complete Honesty, right?

My disconnected, struggling feelings have passed. Life is good, I'm feeling better in my marriage and in my relationships. Todd and I had a "get it all out" session and now we're working on the repairs that need to be made. The communication in our marriage usually fantastic so when we don't get to connect about things that are weighing on us, then other areas start breaking down too...we fixed (are fixing) the communication aspect and the other areas are falling back into place. Team work, respect and consideration are all things that had started breaking down with the breakdown in communication.

The boys quit the Buckland Baseball team...and joined the Wapak baseball team. Astro Lanes. They've been doing so much better on Astro Lanes! It was a great change! Their confidence is up, and they look forward to every game. We really liked Buckland but Wapak is more our speed and our level. Neither one of them has struck out yet, and both are playing positions other than left field. It was a good change for all of us.

And now for the meat of the post, the complete honesty. My cousin called me the other day. I'll call her LM. LM was married to a nice enough guy and last summer he died. They have a daughter together. Lex. Lex is just over 2 and beautiful. She's spunky and fun. She was the light of her Dad's life. LM and J (dad) worked opposite shifts to keep Lex out of daycare. LM makes no secrets about her lack of maternal instinct. She loves her daughter(s) (she has an adult daughter also) but enjoys the fun stuff...and struggles with the mundane parenting aspect. She has said this herself. She currently is still working her same job, works very early in the morning and is home before Lex is up and her adult daughter is in the home so she still is able to raise her without the use of daycare. It's a very good system. LM called me last week and in the course of the conversation she said she had applied for a new job. As a train conductor. Over the road for long, hard hours. I asked "what about Lex?" she said that's why she called. If she gets the job, she'd like us to have Lex stay with us while she's over the road. I didn't immediately answer. Todd wasn't home so we couldn't talk about it. We've agreed to it though I'm not sure how I feel about it. I love LM deeply, and love Lex's adult sister and I love Lex. I want what is best for all of them and if this is what is best, then I want this to happen for them. They're all in a weird place of transition right now and none of them are sure of their next move. Losing J has really affected all of them.

Todd and I talked today, because LM's application is under review and she has met all of the pre-req's for the position, about what we need in writing (medical, visitation with extended family, discipline and crossing state lines) and how to cross that bridge. It's a very delicate situation because there are other people who will feel entitled to Lex. I want it to be very clear that only LM makes these decisions and that while Todd and I did not ask for this, we are happy to have her as long as she's with us.

I'm nervous about a few things. The families reaction. Losing Lex once she's been with us long enough to see her as a permanent fixture in our life. Lex feeling juggled from home to home.

I will trust that God has a plan for my family, for LM, Adult sister and for Lex. and we'll just pray for guidance.


Sarah said...

Oh wow! I will pray as well! I know how you guys feel about wanting a little girl. This could also be a tuff situation just like you mentioned. The best thing is prayer.