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Monday, January 9, 2012

Deceit Never Does Anyone Any Good.

My wonderful husband was talking to my Mom the other day, discussing our decision to renew our license with Next County to be foster parents. And remember that I only told my Mom I "wasn't sure" yet what we'd do with that license? Todd dropped the bomb...he told her he has no desire to be foster parents to the children of Cousin 1 and Cousin 2...as he's relaying this story to me, I'm waiting with bated breath to hear her reaction, sure in my gut she exploded into a mess of "what are you thinking?"s and "what about your 3 children?"s. Instead he calmly said "she sighed a huge sigh of relief" What? Turns out, the family drama it could/would create stressed her out.
So 2 days ago (Saturday) I said "we never got a chance to finish our conversation...Todd and I are leaning towards being foster parents" we were quickly interrupted so I didn't get to hear her thoughts.

Yesterday at church she opened up about everything going on regarding a specific relative and the drama in his life and how scared she is for him in his current situation. Afterwards she had "buyers remorse" that is to say she regretted "airing her dirty laundry...but then she says she felt like God was saying to her "hey, what you're doing isn't working...let me work" and before she knew it, she was in front of the church crying and telling the church how bad the situation was.
I told her that she's now opened the door for others to help her with advice or experiences OR it may be that someone else needed to hear that this situation is not ok...and then I took the opportunity to say to her that lead is how I felt about foster care.

She then explained that she has NO reservations about our ability to do foster care, I told her that I didn't want to overwhelm my support system, she didn't say she's on board but didn't say that she's not either, I'll take that as a good sign. We were able to talk openly about our concerns. Mainly Lane Michael and his emotional well being. She said that physically, she knows his diseases are controlled well but her fear is that I will have to put the emotions of a foster child and the birthparents above the very strong emotions of Lane Michael. Lane Michael's diabetes causes him to be very emotional...his extreme highs or lows can cause him to emotionally shut down or be hyper sensitive for a few days at a time. It's extremely frustrating and sometimes (for him) embarrassing. I want to be available to him emotionally no matter what else is going on in my life. Mom's fear is that no matter how well we're balancing him and his emotions, she'll feel we're letting him slide. I promised to be acutely aware of his emotional needs (his and his brothers). I also promised to give it up if it becomes too much for my immediate family (me, Todd and the kids). After all, we're not doing any kids any good if we aren't functioning properly.

Bottom line, I wish I had been upfront and honest, instead of beating around the bush and I would have saved everyone some stress!

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