I just got word from my social worker that she will be contacting the babies county to get more information on her and then she will get back with me. She also said that she'll be working hard to get my license finished this week. I didn't mean to go behind her back when I put in the interest form on the baby but I think I did...as soon as I did it, I e-mailed her to tell her what was going on, she's great and we love her, we would never do anything to make her angry but I still can't help thinking that I did...maybe she wasn't angry as much as caught off guard. I think she expected us to take, foster and someday adopt from Auglaize. It's kind of like, we have our foster license and she put so much work and effort into our case and we won't even be a fostering family. We're only in it for us. Someday we will foster...someday. Right now I want to raise my kids, and make sure they are well adjusted, happy, successful and healthy. I can only divide my time so many times before the kids are the ones suffering. So I guess what I'm saying is that I feel slightly guilty about wanting a baby that we won't have to work/wait for. If we get this baby, she will be with us soon...maybe within one month. But then surely there is a family out there that will get chosen over us. They are black, Mom a stay at home mom and Dad a doctor, or something equally as fabulous, they attend church, never drink, are both holding positions on the board of Christian Education and they would love her too. What a good family I have dreamt up. But the thing is...we want her too. Todd was hesitant at first, saying things like "are we just taking the first baby to come along" the answer is no, she meets EVERYTHING we put on our criteria. Then today he called just to see if we've heard anything about her. To ask if Summit had contacted us, or if our case worker called...his hopes are up, and I think we might be getting attached to the idea of a baby...that sounds silly, since we've been on the adopton path for 7 months now, but we're just getting to the point where it might be a reality...I'm scared.

Ok, We May Be Ready

I don't have a nursery painted or set up but I had my neice, Sanoi last night and we did fine. I think we have everything we could need for a baby. My cousin is done with one of her cribs and will be sending it our way. We bought a dresser over the weekend at a garage sale, we'll have to sand, and paint it but that's no big deal, we have a changing table, a rocking chair, blankets and clothes...if we get a child over 9 mos we'll have to do some clothes shopping but other than that we should be golden! We have spoons, and diapers, a swing and a bouncy seat. So all in all I think we're good. The one thing I should do it get my clothes out of her closet. I'm a closet hound! In our farm house (sold a year ago) the master bed room had two walk in closets and I used one and a half of those, plus the wardrobe on the stairs! I don't even have that many clothes!

Jinx...

We are 11 days from being licensed for foster and adopt. A 1 yr old girl just came up for adoption and currently the foster family is not adopting, she has minimal health issues and is beautiful, we applied. We are hoping for the best outcome for her, if she isn't meant to be my daughter, then I want her to find the mommy meant for her. Our little girl will come in her time...I just would like for this to be it. We aren't getting our hopes up but that would be nice. But I don't want to jinx it. She does have minor medical issues...but we can do minor medical issues...that we can do! Please pray for the best outcome to this situation and to above all else keep this baby girl safe!

African Childrens Choir and a day at home!

This Saturday we had the African Children's Choir in town, Todd and I hosted 3 of the children, Edgar, Ephraim and Joseph. They were incredible! The boys are good kids with more manners than I've ever seen in anyone, and more appreciation for simple things than I could shake a stick at. I was talking to one of the chaperone's and we were asking questions about the kids, he said that one of the boys lives with an aunt, and her children, it's five people in their home which is a one room hut, smaller than our kitchen! WOW! It must be overwhelming to come to the US at such a young age and see so many new things, and experience all of this, the boys were 8,8, and 10 years old...but all of them were old souls!! They took to us quickly and hugged us often!

On Monday, I felt that I hadn't seen my boys in so long that we took the day off! I called in a comp day and the boys stayed home from school! We watched cartoons, rode the 4-wheeler and played outside, went to visit my mom and dad but just had an especially good day. I told Ethan it was his special day and we could eat where ever he wanted to eat, do what he wanted to do and play what he wanted to play. It was good for him to have that kind of attention. As the brother of a diabetic, sometimes Ethan gets jipped on attention. Lane requires so much, and Ethan is a naturally easy kid to raise, those two things make for a bad combination when we're trying to give him the attention he deserves...life will get easier as time goes on, and days like this will help. I hope someday my kids know just how special I think they are!

That being said, I also realized this weekend that no matter what job I hold or what position it is (low man on the to tum pole or head honcho) my job will always come before my family. It doesn't matter if I'm a bank teller, a service officer, a waitress or a doctor...I will never be able to put things in their rightful order...one more thing to take into consideration in my job decision!

African Orphans

We will be the host family to 2 or 3 African Orphans who are members of a childrens choir, touring the states...we are thier first stop. We're very excited, if not a little nervous! We will pick up our group on Saturday at 5 and take them back on Sunday at 9:30. It's not a lot of time, but I'm still very excited! They will be performing at 10:30 at our church...I bet they're more nervous than we are! lol!

Diabetes Sucks...

Lane's last A1C was high so the doctor was super careful to go over EVERYTHING for his care. I get the care, I'm good at it, but I don't make changes to anything without her help...so I have to now not only track carbs but also calories. Yep, as if I don't have enough to do already! Every meal takes the normal prep time plus an extra 20 minutes just to count carbs...so now it will take even LONGER! yuck. I don't mind diabetes, it's a diagnosis that allows life to go on as normal for the most part, and Lane is good at getting shots and being careful with his diabetes but counting calories stinks...I'm not bitter about diabetes...I'm just upset that now we also have to figure calories...I guess we were supposed to all along but there is so much to learn in that first week that I guess I neglected that part...oops! The doctor was unusually sweet today to Lane and to me...she's usually good with her patients but comes off mean and intimidating to the care takers...I think it's that I'm finally starting to understand her when she talks. Which is good because with something this important, I don't want to misunderstand her! She said that my meals look fine, but he needs more fatty foods...which is opposite of everything we're ever told for a normal person, we should all keep our calories to a minimum...he needs more calories...more butter, meat and mayonaise (the good calories). This is hard...and time consuming! But man, he's worth every minute!! I fear the day he wants to take over his own care...I will never be ready to relinquish that control! I know that it's so far in the future but he's already doing all his own testing, which means it won't be long until he's doing his own shots! Imagine as a normal parent, letting your six year old give themselves shots...that's what we're looking at! By at least 7 he has to be doing his own shots when he's with us. I don't think at school they're allowed to do their own shots, but when we have him, he has to be learing this stuff! The way I see it, he's going to have to do this forever, so why should I make him do it now...he has a lifetime to do it...unless they find a cure.

So Much To Do.

I feel like I have so much to do...but I don't have any time restraints, so I don't have the motivation to do anything...I need NEED NEED to finish painting the baby's room! I need to find a place for everything that's in the babies room, I have closets to organize and clothes to put away (mostly baby clothes), I have a dresser to buy and paint...oh who am I kidding, I don't even have a crib yet! So you see, I have SO much to do, but there is no deadline...how does anything get done with no dead line? Besides, why not just close the door and play 'Chuts & Ladders' instead? On top of everything else, I need to get our camper ready, for in case we go camping soon, the basement has been struck by a tornado (aka my five year olds) and the bathroom has been used for like a week without my good scrubbing (I was called out of town on business last week, and haven't gotten all caught up yet).

in other news:
I am officially an accredited VETERANS SERVICE OFFICER
Like I said earlier, I had to go out of town last week because I was being accredited and I took my test on Friday and passed with FLYING COLORS! Very exciting! I can now officially do my job! It's good news! I was nervous about the test...I know my stuff and do my job well but I wasn't sure if I could relay it to paper in a crunch that would determine how I am viewed by my co-workers. It's silly I know, but I was nervous! But in the end I passed and that's what matters!