I was avoiding blogging so I wouldn't be tempted to write this

I'm going through some things...I'm not sure if I'm ready for people to know. I've told my Mom (she'd be mad if I didn't) and I've told Todd (Lord only knows who those two told) and I slipped up and told Laura last night at ball practice. So since everyone is kind of ignoring it (on my request) but I have lots of feelings surrounding it, I figured I'd put it here. I am having a cancer biopsy done on May 3rd. Suspected melanoma. I have a large family history of cancer on my dad's side and have never been careful with my skin (and sun exposure). I was talking to the nurse to schedule my appointment and I said "well I have to come back in 8 weeks for my thyroid stuff to be adjusted so we'll just do it then?" and Dr. F looked at me with disgust "that can't wait 8 weeks...it shouldn't have waited the one year plus it's been sitting there" Maybe I'll post pics later but it's kind of strange looking. It's small (that's a plus) but the color and the edges look "suspicious". My first thought is "how will I work and receive treatments if it is melanoma?" I know there are bigger things to worry about but I am the bread winner for my family, Todd has to finish his degree...going back to driving full time is not an option. I also know to worry less, pray more. But I wouldn't call this worry...it's more like planning. I was at ball practice last night, chasing Ryan all over the Buckland Park...I don't want to be too tired, too weak, too sick to chase him. I will pray.