Our License...what to do? what to do?

Our caseworker Ericka asked us last week what we wanted to do with our license. Our license is pretty open ended as of right now, we would take foster, respite and weekend/emergency placements. I contacted Todd and after lots of talking/praying/soul searching/numbers crunching/schedule considerations we were able to answer her. We have decided that right now we will leave our license open and have gone on the adoption list. So now we are on the list to receive 4 kinds of calls 1. emergency temporary 2. respite care 3. foster care 4. adoption.
We are not looking to accept any placements until at least spring, this is 2 fold. First we want to make sure bio-dad for Girlfriend and Little Miss is going to succeed (we have no doubts but just to be sure we want to be available to them if necessary) and also to give Todd time to get out of this first year of teaching. I'm sure teaching will never be easy but the first year of writing lesson plans, learning what to expect, getting his feet wet is bound to be (like any other job) the most emotionally exhausting. Ideally we'd love to get someone, just like the twincesses, right at the beginning of summer, giving everyone time to bond and readjust before going back to the full schedule of football and school (always our hardest season). Wed' also like to get our 28 hours of training done to maintain our license and avoid a break in our license. We will of course consider, and pray about every call we receive, just at this time we have no intentions of actively seeking placements. We'd have to hear God giving us the resounding green light before accepting a placement but God is not and never has been mysterious in my life. I seek only to please Him and He has plans for me. Plans to prosper me and not to harm me.  So I have NO doubt that I will hear him loud and clear when it's time.

Why Adopt?

So I'm a member of this great board...there are roughly 93 women and we all have kids the same age (2 years olds) so we go there and talk and discuss our lives and we've been talking for over 3 years now (since we found out we were pregnant in December 2008). We talk about careers, our kids, our other kids, pregnancies, anything goes. Recently I've been posting about our foster/adopt licensing. Yesterday another mom piped up that she would love to adopt, it weighs heavy on her heart regularly, as her nephew is newly adopted but that her husband isn't exactly on board, another momma commented that she is in the same boat. This other Momma's husband didn't understand why they would adopt since they aren't infertile. For years, adoption has been seen as the last resort to becoming parents, as second best to biological children. Another woman (who also feels lead to adopt) posed this question: why ask "why adopt" instead ask "why not adopt" and if there are valid reasons why it's not a good decision for your family, that's ok but it may open up hearts to the option. I do understand though why it isn't an option for some people. I just think that more would be open to adoption if they looked at it from a different perspective.

Happy Birthday Quinten and Ryan

Ryan will be 2 tomorrow. And this month, this little dude will turn 2 but he doesn't have a family to throw him a party. He isn't getting any new trucks, balls, bubbles, clothes to call his own. He won't be eating cake and ice cream. He's an orphan with downs syndrome. And he melts my heart!


I'm addicted to his picture. Look at that sweet face and baby hands. His caretakers say that he's noisy and he's active has red hair and grey eyes. Oh my heart be still!

Quinten is on the Reeces Rainbow sight:

http://reecesrainbow.org/category/waitingchildren/boys-down-syndrome-0-5

Children with downs, in some countries, are not integrated into society like they are here. At 5 years old, Quinten and all his friends will move to an institution. and the most selfish part of me can't imagine what life is like after that. So here is...the boy that stole my heart...but not the only one by a long shot! I just wish I could bring him home and snuggle him in!

Who stole your heart?

Summer Fun!

Lane Michael and Ethan finished baseball 2nd place in the league! I'm so proud of them! Even at this age there is a draft so some coaches truly "stack" their teams and the team we were up against was stacked! They were excellent! All great ball players and our boys? The team that finished 3rd for the season, they gave them a run for their money! Our boys were younger and they were tired, it was their 4 straight night of ball but they played a good game and the ending score? 20 to 24. The other team won but they earned it.

And just 4 days after baseball ended, we started football! We didn't intend to play football this year. Wapak plays in a league that doesn't have a weight limit...our 50 and 60 pounders didn't stand a chance, but at one of the ball games a Dad was telling us about Uni football...boys over 125 lbs can't play, and they're first in the league for sportsmanship, they teach basics and fundamentals...everything we wanted in midget football. So this week has been filled with football camp....we've had SO much fun! Can't wait to see how they do at try outs next week!

Ryan is very nearly potty trained! He told me today that he needed his pants off so he could potty...and sure enough, he did! So proud! What a smart boy!

And finally, adoption. My family is perfect. I am busy and enjoying every minute with these kids. So why do I still feel the draw to adopt? Is it because no matter what there will always be this huge gaping whole in my family where Braden should be? That space will never be filled so will I continue to want more babies? Will I always feel the need to have more children? Because I don't want more kids...I want Braden back. ugh. I feel my heart being tugged but is it my own longing for B or is it God telling me my family isn't complete?

We Applied for A...

A few months back, Lane Michael had a seizure. We were also losing my Dad during that time. We decided then that lil Ethan needed a healthy sibling. It was time to face facts, Lane wouldn't always be healthy, a seizure disorder and diabetes, the combination is scary to say the least. So, we decided then, we would take the fastest route to a healthy child. Someone my boys could go through life with as a sibling. We had previously decided we would take a handicapped child, and would, if we thought we could devote ourselves knowingly to a child who may otherwise be too much for a family. But Lane Michael is enough for me right now. So, we decided that if we are placed with a child, we will take that child and not get pregnant in early 2009, but if we are pregnant, we would not accept any placements at this time. Biological or not doesn't matter to us; this child doesn't need to have my eyes and Todd's nose to be my child. A little girl came up today for adoption one county over, we're applying to be her family. We'll call her A. She's healthy, and one year old. She is beautiful, with black curls that sit on top of her head, in big ringlets.

I am praying for her to have the life GOD intended for her, if she is to be my daughter, to please bring her into my family safely, and if not, lay GODs hands on her family, bless them and keep them. Surround them with mercy and love. But protect A, as she searches for her family, which is no small task, especially for a sweet baby!

Adoption Classes

Todd and I started our adoption classes this weekend...it was interesting. There were about 10 couples there looking to either adopt or get a license to be foster placements...I learned a lot about people's needs to do this. We originally looked into this as a way to complete our family, but they seem to all have different needs. Some of them were empty nesting, some had religious reasons and a couple of them needed a way for one parent to be a stay at home parent. One family in particular has 4 kids all with medical needs. They are really perfect for this. They know the ins and outs of medical needs and have a big enough home for this...besides she's a stay at home mom and was at one time a guardian ad litum...someone put in place who has only the child's best interests at heart. So they know the system...but in talking to them I'm starting to question if they'll get approved...we had our fire inspection done and it said that if we have a wood burning stove we COULD NOT for any reason be foster or adoptive parents, and a wood burning stove was their soul source of heat. I would feel bad if they were n't able to go through with this because they seem perfect! But on the other hand I know where the state is coming with this because I dont know that I would be comfortable with a wood burning stove...esp. knowing how kids are...my five year old Ethan has recently decided that he thinks it's ok to open the stove...we've always laid out this rule very clearly and he continues to open the oven...we are just at our wits ends with what to do about it...So if we have this problem with our own who has known the rules from day one, I'm sure that these kids are coming from a home where the rules were different and therefore are confused about the change in house rules...I know I would be!