Doctor or Midwife

When I was talking to my cousin (a.k.a. baby guru) I told her the things I'd like to see in a birth plan...she said that it sounds like I want a midwife. And in a sense, she's right...I want someone who won't yell at me and someone who will let everything happen very naturally, but I also want someone who will have drugs ready for me when I wuss out...originally I didn't want to go past 38 weeks because if Braden had come at 38 weeks, he would have lived...but now I don't want to take that kind of chance of delivering before the baby is ready...so I don't want to be induced, and I want someone who's kind of hands-off...but again, I want someone with medical school behind them and drugs if I need/want them...I don't want to be cut...I've torn for all three births and would prefer to tear...my niece had her first 10 weeks before I had my first and I was up moving and running before she was...of course I was also in the Army and at the top of my game when I got pregnant, so I know that would help my recovery...but 10 weeks!! WOW! But either way Midwife or OB I'm not going to get EVERYTHING I want in a baby catcher so I guess I'll just have to compare and pick...

I Talked To My Endocrinologist...

I had some questions about pregnancy (and the baby) for my endo, so I called him, got through and he was great about answering everything! Here's a run down of the conversation:

Me: Hey Endo, I have some questions for you about my thyroid, my weight and a pregnancy.

Endo: Ok, Shoot.

Me: I'm over weight and can't seem to lose it...what am I doing wrong?

Endo: You need a new exercise plan and I will set up a meeting for the dietitian on September 2nd to see you here in the office to tell you what you're doing wrong.

Me: Great, should I switch to a more natural thyroid replacement?

Endo: No, natural meds need adjusted all the time (especially at your age) and if ANYTHING changes, it will too...diet, exercise, weight, birth control...anything.

Me: Cool, I want to get pregnant...how often will I need to see you?

Endo: When do you want to get pregnant?

Me: February - ish

Endo: Ok, I'll see you in September (check your blood) and again in January (blood check). Then as soon as you're pregnant, I'll check you once every 4 weeks for 12 weeks, after that the baby will supply their own hormones.

Me: Alright, would I be considered high risk?

Endo: no

Me: Great! Love it! Is there an OB you suggest?

Endo: Alliance

Me: I've already been in contact with them...how do I go about taking my vitamins, folic acid and iron?

Endo: at night, since you take your synthroid in the morning...that way they won't interfere with one another.

Me: Not a problem, last question...what are my chances of carrying a baby full term healthy, mentally and physically?

Endo: 99%

You have no idea what a relief that was to hear...it brings tears just typing it! I'm so glad I called him...he was wonderful and really put my mind and heart at ease! This time next year, I might be pregnant. I can't take my mind off of baby...names, gender (I'm hoping not to find out and Todd is insisting- we have everything for either gender). I have a friend who's trying to get pregnant right now and we were talking the other day about how tired we are of people asking if we want a girl...I would love a girl and that's what we're trying to adopt but really we just want the baby that's perfect for our family...and above all else, God to be ever present in our lives, his will to be done, and for our children grow up to have a personal relationship with their savior Jesus Christ.

It's My Blog and I Can Say What I Want

Disclaimer: If you know me and are reading this, you don't get an opinion or to tell another living soul about this...mainly because it has a lot to do with my weight...and you don't get to reassure me (in comments or IRL) unless I bring it up. If you can't follow rules, don't read on. That being said....

I am a big girl. I'm 6 foot tall and...round. Every once in a while I get to a size that I'm happy with...I'm 2 sizes from that right now...I look at pictures of myself and I'm astonished at the grotesqueness!! TRULY ASTONISHED! I blame my thyroid...and the fact that I love to eat...my cousin and I will be starting a new exercise program soon...I love to exercise, I love the way I feel but ever since my thyroid, it doesn't make any difference! I did tae bo for two months straight and it just made me tired. So will the exercise help at all?! Or will I be left this size (unacceptable) forever? I'm not sure what to do...I miss feeling sexy...my husband is great about it and supports everything I do but I just can't seem to make anything move!! Diets don't work, unless I do it in an unhealthy manor...I had an eating disorder in high school and was teetering on having a problem...but my point is this, should I go ahead, have the baby and then lose the fat or lose the fat and start all over after baby or should I get into a good exercise routine, get my body used to it, and then start trying for baby and continue exercising all through the pregnancy? DING DING DING DING we have a winner!! I can't wait to start!! Do I split the difference and start trying for an August baby so that during my maternity leave, the boys will be in school so I can spend one on one time with the baby?I might talk to Todd about that....and in case anyone is wondering...yes we are normally fertile enough to plan when we want the baby! I need to see me endo...immediately!

Lane's EKG is...

NORMAL!! YIPPEE!!! Lane, my Mom and I went to Dayton Children's yesterday and had his EKG done...the doctor said that she can't hear or see anything that isn't perfect! They did send a heart monitor home with us for one month hopefully if he's going to have anymore episodes, they'll happen while we have the monitor. But the best situation would be if he didn't have any more at all...ever! The poor little guy could use a break. When the doctor was checking Lane she asked how many times a day he checks his sugar and he said "I check when I feel bad, when mommy tells me and before I eat...but only until the find a cure for me." It broke my heart and makes me so proud of my strong little man and the faith he has that they will cure him. That God will guide the doctors and researchers lives and minds to find a cure that gives glory to him. The other day Ethan was getting the mail with my Mom and she got a check to send to the American Diabetes Association, he said "are we rich?" Mom said "No, this is money that we'll send to the Diabetes Association to help find a cure" Ethan said "DID YOU HEAR THAT LANE? YOU'RE GOING TO BE CURED!!" He grabbed him and hugged him, jumping up and down yelling "YOU GOING TO BE CURED, YOU GOING TO BE CURED!!" He was so sure that with that check, we would be rich enough to cure Lane. He was so excited and even after we explained everything to him, he still goes to the store and looks at all the stuff we'll buy when Lane is cured (little does he know, our eating habits won't change when Lane is cured). It's only a matter of time, I have faith!

Answers...

It's late and I've been busy wrapping my head around the events of the day. There has been lots to come to terms with. Lane is not yet epileptic. The doctor said that after two unprovoked seizures, then they will diagnose. Lane has had one. His first seizure was brought on by a fever and pneumonia....so if diabetes or a fever causes the seizure, then it doesn't count towards epilepsy....they said that he will go on meds if they are more frequent but won't medicate for a seizure every two years because it will do more damage than good. She said meds are hard on organs...hard on the same organs as diabetes. Double whammy. We will have an MRI done in about 2-3 weeks and an EKG done soon for the episodes of his heart "beeping" so often...it's happened 3 times in the last few months and it's beating so fast that we can't get a good count without a machine or some kind of real training on how to do it right. Then in 6 mos we'll get another EEG done to see what it says about his brain activity. They said the "spikes" in brain activity that cause the seizure or make it more likely to come on, is in the back right side of his brain. This portion controls the vision and that's why he couldn't see us and could only see his hallucinations. She also said that it starts there and then spreads which is why it's partial, because there aren't spikes in the left and right...I'm not 100% on that info but she called it a partial complex seizure. She gave us information on the med he is on for when a seizure lasts more than two minutes and she told us what to do during a seizure. All good info. Which brings us to the part of the day when I realized my little boy isn't healthy and Ethan may need a healthy sibling, so Todd and I are going to have to talk about some options we want to utilize.

Dad is still hanging in there but the doctors expect it to be tonight or tomorrow at the latest. I don't speculate but his blood pressure was something like 86/37 tonight before his bath. That just seems awfully low. I love this man but he's suffering so bad that I feel torn. I feel bad because I feel selfish that I don't want to let him go but I feel like I need to so that he can let go on his own. I don't want this to be more miserable than it already is. My siblings are here...well most of them. Lou is in from NY and this is really hard for him and his wife. They have there three kids here and it's just a hard situation for them. I wish this was easier for them. Gina is here and she has three kids here most of the time. This is equally as hard on them. Heather lives three blocks away and has been in the family for about 4 years now...she's missed out on a lot of time with Dad...I feel really bad for what she's missed out on. And my Dad's sister Dina is here from PA trying to do what she can for all of us. Her daughter and granddaughter also came to help and it's been nice having them around. I wish I could make this easier for everyone but I can't even make it easier for me, let alone them! I just wish I knew what to do!