Wednesday, July 23, 2008

I said it wrong...

Jessa left me a comment, reminding me that foster/adopt children do come healthy or can be nurtured into being healthy. Thank you Jessa for pulling me out of my slump. I'm up for the challenge, which is why we are still on the road to foster/adopt, but I have to admit that I am terrified of RAD. Especially for Todd and the boys. I know that it can be overcome. I don't know how much my family can take. I am out of sick time for the's only July, and Lane still has LOTS of appointments. How many first priorities can I have. Lane's diabetes is a first priority, so is his seizure disorder, the boys religious development is a first priority that often takes back seat, work/school is a first priority (I have to have insurance), I'm afraid of failing my children. I'm afraid that Lane's medical will be neglected because I also have lots of appointments to make with another medically fragile child and vice versa. These are all valid fears. I have the same fears with a bio-baby...I have lots of fears with bio's. I want to do what's best for my family and yet a lot of it boils down to my lack of patience. I have rarely had to wait for anything and often get my way. I'm spoiled and yes I do know it. I want a baby in my home. I have a need, and it's a selfish need. I am willing to work and even to wait, but my social worker said that we would probaly be placed within the first year and now we're learning that isn't true at all! She has even stopped answering my e-mails and phone calls. This makes me second guess myself.

Sarah, just the thought that you would consider being a surrogate for us amazes me! I couldn't ask for a better friend, and a chance of diabetes isn't a bad thing! Thank you!