Monday, July 21, 2008

Our Options Are Open!

Todd and I have been talking and we have some options to work through. I have research to do, and lots of prayer but none of it is being decided yet. We are hasty to make decisions but this one is harder than most. The back ground of these options arising is a like this: we were at the lake house with some friends when they said they would do surrogacy for us, I thought that it was sweet but unnecessary since we decided to adopt. Then Lane Michael had his seizure and was diagnosed with a seizure disorder. My SIL (who happens to be a nurse) said that the medication for epilepsy is hard on the same organs that diabetes is hard on (I asked the doctor and that's true). Then Dad went into his coma and as much as I dislike my siblings at times, they were the ones that were there with me. My friends are great and they would stop with a cake or to take me to lunch but it was my sisters and brother that shared the rotation with me. I realized then that (please understand that I'm being honest with myself at this point and not trying to speculate on anything or predict anything) Lane may not always be healthy, that he may never lead a fully normal life. Ethan may someday be stuck doing this alone. So then I thought "not if we adopt" but there's a catch, foster/adopt is rarely a healthy child with no attachment disorders. Ethan would have to deal with all of us, alone. This isn't a commitment I'm making for me, it's a commitment I'm making for my family too! So the way I see it, we have a few options before us. and here they are in no particular order:

1. continue adoption only and wait for a healthy child with no RAD

2. stop adoption, start looking at having a bio-child with lots of assistance from docs (my thyroid makes it hard for me to carry a healthy child to term - hypothyroid causes miscarriages, still-births, and mental retardation - - none of which are good options!)

3. continue adoption and look at having a bio-child with lots of assistance from docs and end up with 4 or 5 kids (chances are good that I would have a second set of twins)

4. stop adoption and look into surrogacy (with Laura).

5. continue adoption and look into surrogacy (with Laura)...again that could mean 4-5 children because surrogacy is often multiples!

At any rate, these are our options...All of which are good options but all have thier own quirks...I don't know what to think but I think I'll start by calling my doctor to see what he thinks of pregnancy with no thyroid.


Jessa said...

Lyn, I beg to differ that "foster/adopt is rarely a healthy child with no attachment disorders". Did someone in your agency tell you that? Sure, many will be biologically predisposed to addiction, but most of us are. I don't know anyone who doesn't have some form of addiction in their family background. And as far as foster-adopting a child with RAD, it sounds like you are thinking that RAD is some terrible disorder that cannot be overcome. There is actually a cure for RAD: Attachment to a loving family. Besides, this concern is why foster-adopting is preferable to adopting in my opinion-- because there is the safety net of a "trial period". You do not have to adopt. Chances are you will want to, but if there are serious personality conflicts that cannot be overcome, you can ask for the child be placed in another home. Many health problems are the result of neglect and poor diet; even sickly kids can thrive when they are placed in a healthy, loving home. As you know, there's is no guarantee that our bio children will be healthy, so we actually have more "control" with fosters! I just really want to encourage you to follow your heart and try not to buy into the urban legends about foster kids.

Sarah said...

I'm glad to hear you have several options. I know you and Todd will be guided to the one that is best for you guys. I have got to meet this Laura, she really sounds like a great woman!! It sounds like her and I think a lot alike. I had talked to Matt early in my pregnancy about being a surrogate for you guys, but with my diabetes I wouldn't be much of a help, I would just increase your chances of having another baby with diabetes. Anyways, hope you get the answers to your prayers soon.