Now I've Seen It All!!!

Have you ever been some where that accentuated every reason you don't live in that city? This weekend I went to a wedding. A family wedding. With normal family get togethers I go and stay as long as they aren't kicking me out....I expected this to be no different. I love weddings, it's a night of free entertainment as people make complete fools of themselves and where my kids wear themselves ragged. But this, this was special. Immediately upon arrival the family lines were drawn....you could see who belonged where. I'm saying any of this to be snobby or stuck up, but to paint this mental image for you. Anyways, the keg was tapped, the kids were running, I was surrounded by some of my favorite people and the other side was putting on a show worthy of watching. The heals were taller than the skirts were long, yes folks it was quite a show! And it was 6:30. *sigh* Lane was impressed, not sure where to look first, the 15 teenage girls all dressed in black or the mini-skirts....both were fascinating but I don't have to say which won his attention! Then the bride and groom showed and Ethan asked "yes but where is the bride" my response "she's the girl in the black shorts, black heals and a black flower in her hair" (the shorts were shorter than the heals). But none of the bothered me. I was having a grand time (other than feeling like poo from some mild braxton hicks). So after much begging I took the boys outside to play, I sat with my Aunt, Uncle, Cousin, her DH and Todd....we were having a nice time watching the kids run in the yard but I couldn't understand what the 3 yo little boy was saying to my niece....and then I heard it, clear as day, he was finally close enough that it stuck "Blow me" WHAT!?!?!? Hm. well. hm. What do you even say? What do you do? It's obviously not the little boys fault but you can't allow it to continue....wait a minute, those older boys (9 and 10 maybe) are teaching my boys how to play "drunk robbers" ....what is he holding....Holy Cow it's a flask! "Lane and Ethan, come away from those boys...you can't play like that, it's unacceptable behavior and I wont allow it" But then out came the pocket knife, not a kids pocket knife but a man's pocket knife with a 4" blade....time to go....yes I know it's only 8:30 and the dancing hasn't started, it's time to go. Breathe a collective sigh of relief that the 10 yo didn't stab us for insisting our children behave acceptably!