Tuesday, April 1, 2008


I have found that my life runs in cycles. I have cycles in my religion, in my career, and in my home life...with my religion, I go through cycles of seeking out God and his word, his works and knowing how blessed I am, then I will go into a low point where I become less connected, I don't stop attending church, and I don't stop praying with my kids, but I do stop meditating on God and his power in my life, I become almost absent in my faith...then I snap out of it and of course God is there with open arms to welcome me home...I'm never angry at God, it's just a loss of passion for him...I always regret it and am angry at myself for allowing it to happen but I seemingly always fall into it! Then there is the cycle of my family and home life...much more severe. I get frustrated with my kids, I don't appreciate my husband and this always seems to come hand-in-hand with the down swing in my religion cycle. Like the Devil is working against me and my family when he knows I am at my weakest point. And finally my career cycle. I have done it with every job I've EVER had. I get in, and am so passionate about the job and I love it, I learn it, and very nearly live it. Then after it is learned, I get comfortable, and when I get comfortable, I get lazy and complaisant. Then I get distracted and it usually takes a break or a training event to snap me out of it...problem is, I'm tired of these cycles! Right now I'm on an up-swing at home and in God, but I'm in a down-swing in my job. I've been complaisant and I don't like it...the thing is, getting back on the horse is so hard. I love my job and will never leave it...but sometimes I just need a break. Here lately I've been taking lots of breaks but they aren't's trips to the hospital, and trips to the doctors, homestudies and dentists. I'm not complaining...I just don't know what to do. We're going on vacation in May, and that would help but it's so far away and I don't have all the money saved that I would like to have to make me comfortable. Not that vacation would not be fun without the extra money but it would make it so we can ALL do the things we want. We're spending the week at Cedar Point, so we'll have a hotel for 3 nights, and we'll have 4 tickets to the African Safari, 4 tickets to the water park, 8 tickets to Cedar Point, plus meals and groceries and souveniers! I'm not picky about hotels...I would like a pool (inside and out) and room service...but if I can't get those then no big deal...I'd also like the hotel to have a massage therapist so I can get a massage while I'm there...I don't know if we'll have time though! Hard to tell! Lane is so excited about vacation that he talks about it ALL the time...vacation and camping.


Sarah said...

Don't feel bad about your cycles, I go thru them too. It does really suck, but how do you end them?
I think the Devil knows when something has got ya worried or down and then he feeds on it to bring you down the rest of the way. Like we need his help! You just hollar at me if you want to take a day trip somewhere, I'm game!!