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Sunday, June 22, 2008

Words Can Not Even Explain!!!

I have NEVER been SO scared in my ENTIRE LIFE!!! Today after church we sat down for lunch. Ethan was eating outside so that he didn't wake up Lane who was sleeping in my parents bedroom. We heard a cry and realized it was Lane, so Todd went in there to find him convulsing, his eyes were open and he was crying. He was having hallucinations and couldn't see us. Lane couldn't control his body, it was like a seizure except that his eyes were open and he was seeing something that wasn't there. We checked his sugar and it was 103, we called the EMS, tried to get a wooden spoon in his mouth (his mouth was too little but he did bite Todd). We took Lane outside to put him in the van but the ambulance had been called, so we (not so patiently) waited for the ambulance...Lane continued to convulse and hallucinate. He was later able to bring himself out of the seizure (it was approximately 15 minutes start to finish) and when the first responders showed up Lane was asking Todd "what are those?" pointing at the grass...there was nothing there. Later he told us that there were lizards in the grass and they had pinchers, when he talks about them he holds his hands about 18 inches apart, and tells us that he could hear us but that we disappeared and he couldn't find us. It was the MOST TERRIFYING thing I have EVER been through. We think that the seizure then caused his sugar to drop because in the ambulance, they checked him and he was 38, so they pumped some sugar into him and we left the hospital with no answers but a referral for an EG, or an EEG...a brain scan. This is my baby...I just want him to be ok! He calls it a scared fit...he struggles to remember the word seizure. I hate this and I don't want to be here...I want to be with him. I want Ethan and Lane in my house and with me all the time...what if it happens again...why seriously why. Why can't Lane lead a normal little life. Why does he have to know what carbs are, and why does he have to feel for whether he thinks he's low and why does he have to know what the numbers on the meter are...why does he need a meter! GRRR!!! Because God is taking care of us. God knows what he's doing and I trust him to have a plan for us. I am a strong person (most of the time) and I can handle this but I don't want Lane to have to live this life forever. I want him to be able to live alone if he ever wants to and not worry that he'll have a problem and be alone. But again, I do trust in God's Perfect Plan!

2 comments:

Sarah said...

I'm so glad he is alright. It is so hard to understand why these things happen and especially to a child. There has to be a reason, but who knows what it is but God. Hang in there girl, I'm here for ya!!

Jessa said...

HOW TERRIFYING! I just hate it that he was hallucinating about something scary. Why couldn't the hallucinations be about angels or fairies?! And that was a very long seizure. Has his doc prescribed diazepam or something to give him in a suppository form if he has another long seizure? We have been told to give a diazepam (Valium) suppository for any seizures lasting over 5 minutes-- our sons have febrile seizures. I remember how terrified I was when DS1 had the first one. I know there are mothers who go through much worse with children. I am thankful that my sons have never had a seizure that got the best of them. And I am thankful for Tylenol Meltaways and ear thermometers. :>D Our eldest now "knows" when he is going to have a seizure. The last time, he said he knew he was going to have a seizure because of how he felt and how things looked so he laid down on the futon in the playroom and DH calmly told me that he was seizing so I came in to the room and held him and stroked his head. It was a far cry from the first seizure when I was totally hysterical, standing in the driveway with him on my shoulder asking the 911 dispatcher when the ambulance was going to get there already, and he was turning blue because I was holding him upright on my shoulder and his tongue was blocking his airway, so the dispatcher talked me into taking him back inside and laying him down on his side! And I knew better from years of working as a CNA and in social services with folks who had seizures, but everything I knew was somehow inaccessible to me when it was my baby seizing! My heart goes out to you and your son. I know from experience that even if he does continue to have seizures, both of you will get better at handling them. I hope that helps a bit.