Thursday, February 19, 2009

Evil For boding....

I never knew that worrying was a sin. I never knew that evil for boding was sitting around wondering what bad thing would strike next. Yesterday, I sat down and wrote an e-mail to my cousin outlining my worries for the baby, that I wouldn't deliver a happy healthy baby, that I had already lost Baby AC and was carrying an empty shell with me....I haven't gained any weight, I feel great and I don't look pregnant yet. I was upset that I didn't feel bad, tired, sick or fat. I often sit and wonder what will happen to my family when we can no longer afford the medication for Lane to survive, I don't trust God to have a plan for my family and to take care of Lane, I stock up on medication and food...prepare for the worst. So last night my cousin sent me a text to watch Joyce Meyers on the Inspiration channel at 8...that she was speaking to me. And she did. So today, I put away my fears, my childish, selfish, untrusting fears. I will not worry, I will not sit endlessly wondering what we'll do....I will give it to God. He has a plan, he has good things planned for me and for my family. I don't sit and wonder how to next punish or torture my child. I sit and plan good things for them, a birthday party, a trip to the swimming pool, a dessert after they've finished their dinner. I make plans to help them, not hurt them. And that's what my Father does for me, he has good things planned for me! I can see my future clearly thru him, and it contains good things!