Thursday, October 30, 2008

Scarlet Letter

Growing up, I used to sit under the arm of the couch and listen to my parents talking at the kitchen table...I vividly remember feeling very sneaky and knowing I shouldn't be there. I remember hearing from a very young age that I had two specific uncles maybe three that were cheating on my aunts. I remember thinking that they should divorce, that my cousins would be okay, if only my uncle would come home or my aunt would change the locks. Later in life, I had another uncle cheat, this time the whole family knew it, we all wanted him to come home and make things okay, be the man we expected him to be. Just come home. This shaped my mind, my thoughts, my feelings on adultery. It wasn't something women did, it was those icky men who would do anything for a piece! So when a wave of women (in my family) started straying, I was shocked to say the least! I didn't understand and everything I knew about adulterers was shaken and challenged! Starting with the most basic facts, gender and motive. I didn't get it, why would a woman cheat, why would she stray...women aren't driven by the same motives as a man...or are we? Are we missing something...each of us. And no matter what we aren't what would satisfy us? I have never bought anything stood back from my prized possessions and said "now I'm happy and will never need anything again" I've never had someone come into my life and known they were all I needed to be happy for the rest of my life (sorry Todd, not even you), I've never eaten anything that would sustain me for the rest of me life. But God...he sustains me. I will never need to go anywhere else for salvation, for answers, guidance, love and forgiveness. If I have everything stripped from me, my home, my family, my food, and my dignity, it doesn't matter. This is all so temporary...I used to say, I can do anything for a week....then it turned into two weeks, I could do anything for a year. But no...I can do anything for a lifetime because it's so short in the scheme of things, it's a blink of an eye and my happiness waits for me. I'm not saying that in a bad relationship you should stay because you can do anything, I'm saying that don't do it just because you're bored and when you have, don't wear your scarlet letter, I've done wrong in EVERY relationship I've ever had, so I won't throw stones, and neither should anyone else. Don't let people determine who you are based on one act. If you should, go home and try to make your family whole again, if the relationship wasn't healthy and died, then stop, step back, fix what happened, sever the ties that need severed and then move on, but don't wear your scarlet letter for all to see. That's between you and God.


Jessa F said...

I bet your husband likes the fact that you want him and don't need him to survive. I know mine does! I have been faithful for nine years of marriage, one year of engagement, and eight months of dating...and in the words of Sinead O' Connor, "I do not want what I haven't got."