Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Funerals...Reserved for the Revered?

I had a client in a few moments ago who had lost her husband last week...a week ago today. It was unexpected and a tragedy. I am sad for her loss, but also for the loss of yet another of this great nation's great veterans. They had his funeral on Saturday, and I'm sure many came out to honor his life. So many showed to give last respects and say good bye to my Dad. Why do we go to funerals? The person has passed on, and we're sad, we go for the family, to show support and love. I regret having such a large funeral for Braden, I didn't mean for it to be that big. I wanted close family and friends, I didn't put an obituary in the paper, just the death announcement. My boss e-mailed all my co-workers around Ohio, and in my building, anyone that might know me. My Mom called the Schweiterman and Clementz families, Todd called his family, I didn't call anyone. I expected at most my sisters, my parents, Becca, Rachel, the Schwietermans and the four of us. Instead the church filled with family and friends wanting to say good-bye instead of hello. Would they have come to his baptism? Not most of them. But they did, they came and they grieved, they knew my loss, and loved my son, who they never met. But I regret it. Why did he get as big a turn out as some people who have made an impact on this world. But Braden had an impact on my world. My sister and I were brought together through Braden, she knew what I was going through and was able to grieve her own losses with Braden, my cousin experienced a similar loss just months later, and was able to identify with me and with my loss, we have been brought closer in spirit thru this, and Rebecca went to Bible study with me. If I had Braden, a happy healthy bouncing growing boy who never slowed down long enough for a diaper change let alone a good nights sleep, I wouldn't have gone to Bible study in the first time, no energy and Bible studies are for old ladies...But I didn't have those things, instead I had hours of unfilled emptiness, days of grief and I needed to fill my head, my mouth, my spirit and my soul with God's unending love, mercy, grace and peace. And I needed Rebecca beside me. But Braden didn't have the impact that a child who had lived would have, he didn't have the impact that an adult would have, so why was he honored with as much attention as those people? Did his funeral provide closure for me? Yes, but I feel like I was the conductor of a three ring circus "Come One Come All, See the dead baby and his grieving family!!! Its like nothing you've ever witnessed!!" Yuck.


Sarah said...

I wish that I would have been there for you! I think funerals are for closure and for people to pay their last respects. I just don't know if the funeral always gives closure. Mainly I guess to support the family.